Smooth sailing~~

I'm very supprise by the flow of traffic this morning... i can almost count the amount of cars on the road. This is most suprising but i strongly believe this can and will change after 4pm hahah... i got a feeling the jam will be so great u'll regret you go up the bridge... ... ... which is what i'll be doing later today :'(

Wish me luck~~~ hopefully it will only be for an hour sigh~~

The EVil within

I've been feeling the darker side of me taking over lately. Few days ago, i almost caused a bike to crash into me and when the guy showed me the "finger" and instead of showing the "i'm-sorry" hand, i showed the thumbs-up.... that guy was so furious that he almost got down the bike to hit me but the thing is... ... i'm not even worried about that during that instant. I was still cool about it and not even feeling guilty about almost causing an accident. I root cause it to two items that contributed to me acting this way.

1. There was a bloody car parked on the road which took up 3/4 of the 2nd lane which i've really gotten SOooooo fed up with;
2. He showed me the "finger", if he were to show the "WTF" or the "WTH" gesture i think i would have still say i'm sorry..

At another incident, i almost lashed out at my colleague for a small issue that i've almost and nearly accepted and i still don't know why i reacted the way i reacted. But the fact that i reacted is that i still unable to totally accept it right?

Was kinda wondering... ... what cause me to have my dark side appearing ?? stress?? i wonder... ... ... ...

Sleepy~~~

I had a wonderful weekend last week, i spend so much time doing other things and as a result I had so little sleep that have a pair of bags that is deep enough to put my laptop. What is the meaning of this? I remember telling myself that I want to have a healthier lifestyle, but in the end ... ... ... =p

Let's see... slept at 2am on Friday, 5am on Saturday and again 2am on Sunday and today is Monday~~~~ yippie~~ and today's fashion is a sleepy look on monday blues hahahahaha (I wonder whether will this ever be a fashion trend someday.... ) . Why am I blogging now? Well basically i'm suppose to work but I can't seems to concentrate on my job and since I'm going to be ideal sitting here I might as well make my fingers move more since EH said that I haven't been updating my blog lately.

Well basically nothing happen much lately so there aren't much interesting stuff to put in so ... ... ... and not forgetting I'm lazy haha... and somehow I got back my DotA mood again ... sigh~

Intern?

Haha... this was a thought i had in mind recently...

Was really thinking, if i were to tell people that i'm an intern, will anyone believe me?? Hey i'm not old so it shouldn't be that hard to swallow if i were to tell people that i'm intern right? =p

Hey it's just a thought...

Lonely Boloney~

Damn.... i'm having that feeling again ... that feeling of emptiness and endless boredom. Really hate this feeling and to contribute to this i am kinda lazy to work too so i can't drown myself in work to overcome this.... sigh~ ~ ~

I think i know what contribute to this... or at least partially ... ... i've been having an empty MSN list haha... dispite having a relatively long list of contact on my MSN but there is hardly anyone whom i can or want to talk to; and there seems to nobody who wanna talk to me, do i need to establish first contact ?? ... double sigh~ ~ ~

Maybe i should do what Ernie been doing, simply nudge anyone who appears online on the list just to establish a first contact and see who replies... but this leads to another problem, is not like i wanna talk to everyone on my list... triple sigh??? sigh~ ~ ~

hehe... i guess i shouldn't blog too long... dun wanna get caught :p

The Leech - M.I.A

Hi hi~~

To those who has been following my bloggie, you would have notice that i've been missing for quite some (well long to be exact) time. And yes a lot had happen and there are tonnes of things i wanna talk about blah blah blah... well i will try to get to those "blah blah bah" stuff asap (if i can still remember them :p) but tonight... tonight i think i'll try to remind myself the things that had happen.

Well definately May has not been a good month for me, too much negetive stuff been happening to me and it has really brought me down for the count and believe me, at those times i really feel like giving up but i know i can't...

Let's break them up so i can remember them more clearly next time when i try to recall... my PC's PSU went flat and 2 weeks later my table fan went and join my PSU in the "happy land" too and it was partly due to the touch-of-death of.... .... .... (its not nice to mention names) so am i pissed?? Well i would be lying if i say i weren't but ... ... i guess i shouldn't talk too much about it here since there will be friends reading and i don't really want to start a commotion so let's drop it .... then there was issues at work which never seems to end, but on the other hand if it does then i would be out of job would I ??

On the happy front... i got myself a new graphic card and i've yet paid for it haha so inclusive of the 2 other thing i mentioned above, i'm damn broke, but i don't mind coz now i can enjoy more games and enlongated my entertainment... and hey guess what... ... 3 more days it will be my 2nd anniversary into my working life as an engineer and my 371 days here in the "I" company. Can't believe how time has left me and how senior i'm getting (well it's not nice to use the word old). Still i can't compare to my other friends who has worked more than 4 years and they are the same age as me, i mean ... what the... ... ... sigh...

Well on other goings... i've been spending a lot of time on Facebook (i mean besides from work) to those of you who have been active in Facebook, you would be familar with the ongoing quizes and the recent most "hot" quiz is the "How well you know me" quiz and without a doubt i've spend my equal share of time preparing the quiz. I've basically created 24 question but i've only used 16 of them and i don't even want to create the part 3 of my quiz since most of them don't like them ... ...

Guess what... i think i've summarize majority of May on goings in this post tonight haha... well i think it is expected of myself. When i do start writing i would continue writing until i'm done or when i get tired, and now i'm done and i'm tired so ... ... TTFN~~~

Deprived sleep

Seriously this is nothing new for any of now, how many of us are getting enough sleep nowadays? Do you? Even if u sleep at 10 and waking up at 8, you would still complain you've not enough sleep but i'm starting to feel the hazard of not getting enough sleep.

Sigh it's getting harder to concentrate nowadays. Too tired + too much work = very low productivity. I've been getting those "hang" period during the day... like those where your mind just wondered off and you are left with only the body type of feeling...

Is this caused by lack of rest or due to mounting of job??

Ehmmm.. ... ...

Monday morning~~

Something i captured on a Monday morning sky and edited using MS Paint...

Erm...

Been doing some blog searching... i just noticed that i've quite a few negetive radiating post lately and i can't help but to wonder why... ... ... am i at my limits and looking for a way out? Sometimes i wish i could do like what those cartoon would do, where they open some hatch from their body and lump and lump of steam get released from their body and they transform into something else... i need to let off some steam~~~

Offence vs offend

I think this will be a short one... i hope...

I think i offended someone today... or not... ... anyway that person seems offended.. the problem is... ... ... what happen??? Why do i always have this tendency of pissing others off?And usually not know it until its too late... Is this a gift? If it is, why can't i be gifted in other areas instead... why???

But this actually got me thinking the other way around.

Why is it that i'm the one offending others?

Why don't they ever think that they might have offended me instead?

Why am i always the guilty one?

I have friends who offend me on and off and i can't really recall when was the last time i really throw a tantrum at them, the only recent one was about a year ago when i was helping out a friend and another earlier one was on my birthday 2 years ago but i decided to overlook it because of my other friend who was also celebrating his birthday.

When i'm angry i would tell that i'm angry, so that they will not do it again and if it's their first offence i can't even blame them cause they don't know. How could you blame someone for doing something that you don't like when they do not know that you don't like it in the first place? (Confused yet?) sigh~ it seems that everything is always the Leech's fault, everything goes to the Leech's account... everything but money... Why?? Why???

What have i learn from this? I learn that i can't repent for my crime, mainly is because i do not know what i did wrong, how do i repent on my mistake when i do not what mistake have i made in the first place? If this keep going on i seriously doubt i can get into any serious relationship with others. If my normal friend can't stand it, how do you expect your partner to actually face it? Double sigh~~~

The XX chromosome individuals

I will be dead lying if i were to say i'm not interested in pretty ladies, well at least that what most of you will be thinking. But to keep it fair, i'm not denying that pretty ladies are nice to look at and even be around with but that doesn't mean anyting, at least on my account. I would look at them and even admiring their beauty in every angle possible, visually i mean, but other than that... nothing. Looking at them is the most i would do, no lust nor intention, just plain admiration of their beauty from afar.

Well i have come across a lot of ... erm... rather pretty and attractive lady friends in my years on this lovely planet, from my school days right to my days at work of which i am not very close with. I can't help but to wonder, why? It seems that i can never get too close to them. I mean we are friends and all but ... ... ... i can't say that we are anything near the entry level of a close friend (Leech's defination of friendship hierarcy ). We talk when we met in person ... ... and that's about it. And most of the time even when i do see a attractive individual, i don't even borther going to know them, just because they are pretty that doesn't mean i need to know them right? Another side of the story would be, i would have this paradigm of they will think that "I'm pretty so it's only normal that guys would wanna be around me." so i won't give them the pleasure of thinking that about me, but this is totally me and my own thoughts so don't be offended.

Sometimes Nowadays i start to wonder, why? Why aren't i close to any pretty lady friends of mine? ( a disclaimer here, i'm not saying girl friends that i'm close to are not pretty so PLS don't think of it the other way). Maybe is partly due to my so-called confidence. I'm not very confident in myself in thinking that they are really interested in being friend with me, maybe coz i think i'm not that much of an attractive or interesting person. I used to think that girls might like me for who i am but i found out that my friends are more attractive that me most of the time so i figured that i'm not a par with most people around me i guess.

I have a few pretty and attractive girl friends whom i'm close with, and that is because they are no longer available thus i would let go of my guard and be close and befriend with them. Knowing that they are no longer available means they won't think that me being close to them is due to any "evil" intention and again this is strictly my own belief. I seriously doubt that i will like a person if she's not attractive but if she's attractive i will not take an initiative nor will i be interested or keen to get to know her and if i don't know her i will never know whether will i ever like that person... and the cycle continues. So i guess this is another reason that i'm still single till this very day.

Sigh... most people, would like nothing less than being associated with a bunch of pretty and attractive individuals, i like it but i don't crave it ... not a bit, why? May be is due to my paradigm of "Good things will never happen to me" so if i don't crave, i won't be dissapointed when it doesn't happen. But if i don't desire something, i won't work for it... a battle between two of my strongest paradigm and of all things and reasons... it's this.. haha... i laugh at my own personal traits which has brought me most of who i am today hahahaha...

What does it takes to actually get to know a girl without being guilty of lust?

Holiday refresh~~

Its been awhile since i work my a$$ off at work and somehow it feel like i'm even more tired that the time when i was working on that Mountain Goat. Back then i will be working 15 to 18 hours a day on a 6 days week, sometimes 7. Coming home at 12 sometimes at 3 only to go back to work at about 7 the next day, yet i'm still able to keep up with the pace and maintained this lifestyle for almost 2 months but this time... ... ... this time is kinda different, maybe its because of pressure. I mean there were pressure last time too but that was kinda different type of pressure. That was rushing for progress kinda pressure but this time is the troubleshooting type of pressure.

Oh yea i think i've actually gotten into the main topic. I've been slaving in the lab for 5 days clocking an approximate of 85 hours of constant work and debug; and why do i call it a holiday refresh? The last time i have this hectic lifestyle was last July which lasted about more than 2 months. Maybe is due the the scrutiny of each detail at work and the fact that there is a constant daily meeting that requires your update which really adds the pressure and burden on me. Not forgetting having my DE and my DE's boss sitting next to me asking for results ... i feel like i'm under the big spot light in a small pot with super hot boiling water. And somehow the water don't feel like 100C, it feels hotter haha...

Maybe i'm too commited to my job... i mean although i feel damn pressured and tired by all this but i still look forward for the next task and see the outcome... ... ... is this what they call passion?? May be... its something i've never felt in my last job, the only thing keeping me energetic is my responsibilities, binding me to my task. I wonder how long will this passion continue to burn? What will happen if it dies out on me? Will i take the step i took previously which is to resign and look for a better and higher passion?? I wonder...

Twinkle, twinkle LED~~~

I spend few hours soldering that little circuitry 2 days back and today it is broken into 3 different piece and i was like OMG~~~ but it was expected since i know it was very fragile and luckily it did broke apart too. I noticed that i've mix and matched the wrong legs to the wrong part of the circuitry, else i might have seen smoke haha..,

Anyway spend the same amount of time to redo the circuit again... salvage it from a dead board and... ... well after few hours of delicate soldering i manage to get it done. And after connecting it to the board for some serious DOE, i hear a song ... it was twinkle, twinkle little stars.... The LED on the board started blinking which means something with the power delivery / sequence ... which means that the board can't boot and i can't proceed with my DOE which means all my hard work today basically went down the drain again... sigh~~~

I need rest... no OT tomorrow~~~~!!!!! oops... i mean today, its after midnight now hahaha... i've spend almost 34 hours at work for the past 2 days... kool~~~

The Immortal??

I think it was me who said that i wanted to get my life back on track, wanted to go home early, wanted to go out more, get to know more people. Q1 of 09 will be coming to an end in about half hour time and look at me... what have i achieved? Basicaly none... yea, i manage to go home early from work which lasted about for a week before i went back to the same routine... sigh i seriously needed a change.. else i'm doomed. God please give me strength and will power to enable this change within me...

This is the second time this week that i skip dinner... once was on sunday where i was on the bus coming back to Penang. The bus left KL at 6 (but bus ticket says 5.30) so basically i didn't eat anything for dinner. Luckily i have some biscuits in the bag, that sustained me long enuf ... well basically till the next morning.

And today... i worked through dinner and well basically i skipped dinner. Went for a coffee break around 6 and went back to my bench and work and work and work... saw EH and Jeff leaving for dinner but they we heading home afterwards so i didn't ask to join them and the rest... well one left after another and till the end there was only me.... and ironically i forgotten about dinner till it was kinda too late so i gobbled down few biscuits and that's its... my dinner, 2 pieces of IKO biscuits.

This is an issue... this is a hazard...this is ... ... me?? Damn.... Sometims i think i'm learning to be an immortal. HELP~~~~~

Climbing the ladder

Let's see who i am today... ...
...
......
..........
... Oops... i'm still a nobody... sorry for wasting your time there... i'm still that small potato in the huge watermelon farm and i guess i'll remain that potato unless i do something about it soon... but what? sigh~~

Do i look like a person who likes to climb up the ladder? A colleague of mine say dat i am. Is it so obvious ? I wonder...

Yea i wanna go up but most important to me is that people around me give me their full support when i do go up else it would not be much of a success don't u think?

Quiz after quizes

Been spending a lot of time login to Facebook and playing with the quiz on virtually anything... this got me thinking... am i that bored?? Or am i just looking for some sort of entertainment? Can be either i believe, well if i'm not bored i won't be looking for which test is fun to do and if i'm not bored then i won't need entertainment right? But looking at the quiz that i've done its mostly about me - who i am, what type of person i am, am i a good friend etc. So i think it's more of a self journey.

Think of it this way, we know more about the world's mysteries that we know about our own self. I remember a quote from one of the TV series, which i don't really remember the title but its something like the 20,000 league under the sea kind of ship and they are discovering the deep ocean,

we know more about the deep, dark space that we know about our own
ocean.

So its basically the same thing here, we know more abuot the world that we know about ourself. We don't spend enough time on ourselves for ourselves to think and talk to ourselves. So maybe this is what motivated me to do all those test...

Or may be i just need a life =p

Fish fish and more fish

Yea.. what could i say about fish?
Erm...
How about me talking about selling them... so in short i'll call it a selfish story...

Here's the catch (haha... fish and catch) something happened today that somehow triggered me to think how selfish a man could be? It's only natural for a man to be selfish don't u think so? One can't always thinks of others and neglect themselves, right? So the question on my mind now is... when do you call a person to be selfish? If you were to throw me this question, i woudn't know how to answer. I would like to think of myself as an unselfish person, as a giving type but the question remains... Am I? Most of the time when asked about this i would strongly believe that most of us would have the same thinking as i do, saying that "I'm not a selfish person" but deep down.... honest thought... are you?

Whenever i see a selfish act done by others i would come in rage and saying to myself

WTH how could he be so selfish ... i can't believe this guy.

But today i learn to think of it another way... if i were him would i have done the same? Now that's a thought to ponder about... not all the so called injustice and selfish act that i see, i can do. I would usually think,

Will my actions bring mayhem to others???

and if the answer is no then i would do it. Till this point, i would start to wonder how many of you who are reading this would agree with this thought of mine about myself? Well can't actually blame you if you think that i'm not the person who i say i am because if you were to say that about yourself i would have responded the same.

And to be honest i could not be called as an unselfish person myself, if i remeber correctly a friend once told me from the teaching of Buddha, that a truely unselfish man is someone who would do or help to do something without asking / hoping / thinking or even imagining to get anything in return. No rewards, no word of praise, no thank you not even a gesture of acknowledgment for his every actions. Of the four items i named above, i only asked for the last item... a gesture of acknowledgement... just this... is this too much to ask for? But by doing this, i'm hoping to gain something in return for my efforts thus disqualifying me ...

So a question to you fellow readers tonight before you lay yourself to bed tonight would be... when / what was the last selfish / unselfish thing that you've done?

Driving in Penang...

Wanted to talk something on this since long ago but nvr actually got down to write it but i've finally picked up the mood to talk about it.


There are a few things that i could never get into my head about Penang people (in terms of driving) , oh... a disclaimer here, i'm not discriminating towards them just that most of the incidents i've seen here are done by cars with a P plate.


1. How could they drive their Honda Accord as if they are driving a Honda EX5 ? (coz both are Honda??)

2. Does Penang produce their own pertol? (Why do they just like to floor their accelerator so much?)

3. They like to test the car's breaks / ABS / other safety features? (They like to do the "0 km/h to XXX km/h back to 0 km/h in Y sec" test or are they so keen in doing the crash test)

4. Do they have paranomic eye sight? (They see the smallest crack in between cars/junctions as wide as a 4 lane highway and always try to slip thru it)

5. Don't they take "Undang" when they are sitting for their driving lessons?
No cars in yellow box please...

And a few more questions which i don't feel like thinking right now =p. I use to be a calm driver when i was still in KL but now... ... well just say "in Rome, do what the Romans do" or should i say, i've been "Penang-ized".


They say KL drivers are always, either, on the go or at the last tick of the clock. So they tend to drive racklessly in KL, but do bear in mind that in KL a 6 km journey could easilly takes you one hour and sometimes even more during peak hours. It only takes me slightly under 30 mins for me to travel that distance here in Penang and i stay in one of the highly popolated area in Penang with only one exit, DURING peak hours of work. Then the question...
...
... ...
... ... ... Why the rush???


Please educate me fellow Penang-kia(s)

New girl in town

Yupz... been looking around here n there and i've found it... a new babe is in town wuakakakaka... well i'm basically talking bout my ol post a few weeks back. Sigh~~ the lost of my first love phone (along with almost 50% of all my phone's contact, do send me a mail or sms on tis thx ^.^) when my 6610 screen cracked into 2 pieces... sigh...

Anyway i've decided to get a new phone coz after mourning for about a week (u hv no idea the pain of holding a phone which u cannot fully utilize, i can oni recieve calls and i dun even know who is calling :( ), i decided to move on with my life. So here it is... my new babe


the HTC Touch Diamond....

and from the back hehe



I took the white model (psst~~~ its also the limited edition model wuakkakaka), there is also a black model but if black u tend to see finger prints on the body (which was basically y i didn't upload the photo i took of the front) and not to mention i like white, it reminds me of my old phone hehehe.

Been using it for almost a month now, tried to read the manual which was about 127 pages long and that's only the user manual for the phone there is still a manual for some of the software in it i.e. the GPS and the chinese software or something. Don't really went n borther with it. I think i'll read it someday when i'm free like what i did last time when i read my calculator manual which till today my fren scolded / mocked me as nutz and "too free"

Anyway after buying tis baby i've burned a big and deep hole in my wallet it's soOOOOOO deep that i threw a stone in it when i bought it and till today i've still to hear the "bloop" or the "tong" as it reach the bottom, i would hear the occasional hitting the side of the wall but not the end-of-the-line kinda sound... sigh~~~

Anyway i'm done boasting and blowing my own horn hahaha... jz joking, i needed a phone and well it suits my need, i needed a PDA like phone and tis lil lady here suit the profile so i hired her haha... well its back to work hopefully my boss did c me blogging hahaha... talk about risk taking =p

First book of the year

Yippie~~~
I've manage to finish reading a book this year. I think i did put it down in my 2009 resolution... er... dun think so. Tat might be from Emo not me hahaha... cant actually thought i'll be able to finish reading a book. Hey i'm not a reader, i dun read, at least not fictional type but ... well i finish reading a book that's wat counts. I've started reading this book since last october... and its finally over hahaha

What did i learn from the book? Erm... gimme a moment to ponder on this point
.
..
...
..
.
..
...
..
.
..
...
..
.

The joy of working ?? Nah... erm... i think its more on actual on going of working especially if u work from / in a cubical, which i do have but i seldom stay there. Come to think of it the longest ever time i've ever stayed in my cubical was just half day. I needed some quality time (i.e. peace and quiet) to do some paperwork related stuff and in my career of working here in company "I" i've spend less tat 5% of my total working hrs, and that is based on normal working hrs haha.

Well let me share the title of the book... nah... i do better, i'll show u the actual book instead

...
... ...
... ... ...

Hold on to your seats
..
.. ..
.. .. ..
.. ..
..

#Tada#


Hey it might be just a comic book but it's still a thick comic book u know. nvr actually found time to enjoy it other than the time where i spend 1 hr after dinner all alone in the cubical around 840 and read till 940... it's a wonder how peaceful the cubical can be at nite... its a good place if u wanna relax ur mind. Highly recomended... :p

p/s: i actually bought a self-help book, "The 7 Habits" to be precise, in mid feb... i really wanna find time to digest it, hopefully i'm able to post a similiar post before the year is over... wish me luck