Buhbye to my first... ...

It was in July 2003 when she came to me... she was the first for me, so it was quite a rush when i for saw her... after undressing her slowly, piece by piece, there she was ... in the naked flesh.... she was mine...

And after a long relationship of 5 odd years... she has endured much punishment from the world. Her body is fill with scars from the harsh world; her face was hit by a high velocity object and scared her beautiful face, ; her body no longers listens to her but today... she took a final blow of them all ... she can no longer smile at me ... and when i look at her now i can feel the pain she is suffering, she now lies broken. But although she can no longer see me nor could i see her, i am lucky that we can still listen to each other... but i doubt this too will last...

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She is my first mobile phone, the Nokia 6610. Even then she was an expensive baby, she cost me about RM950 and i have to pay by installment to my mum for it. To make matters worse are all the contacts that i've saved in her... god this is going to be tough... anyone has the data transfer cable for her?? If u do.. please... please let me have a go and try to salvage all i could from her before i leave her to rest...

The Leech's Focal Part II

Ok.. after leaving the open question for a few days i think its time to end it haha... Well good try Emo, but like i say you only got 1.5 of 5 hehehe ...

Ok... drum roll please... . . . . . . . the things that i really bad at is Relationship. Hey don't get me wrong, relationship can be a lot of things so please do allow me to elaborate. I've always good at making friends as i got a mouth that is as poisonious a Malboro (hehe i don't smoke, Malboro is so happen to be a very very poisonious monster in the ever famous Final Fantasy series), a heart as pure as a bunny (OMG~~~ i'm gonna throw up wuakakaka), the brain the size of a pea (or maybe smaller... >.<), and having the level of acceptance towards people and actions as high as the sky (wow that's kind too high don't u think so??). So basically i can mix with virtually anyone(hahaa but i've found my match), provided the person is not disgusted by me which sometimes seems to be the case. But one bad thing about me is that i'm not good in keeping a relationship going, i'm not good at keeping in touch with people.

In my years from high school till today i've made many friends but unlucky for me, most of them has been nothing but those "hi-bye" type. Well i blame myself for not taking the first step in keeping in touch. Yea, i'm those "out-of-sight-out-of-mind" type of friend.

So i'm not kidding when i say i don't have much friends and i usually end up either at home game my day away or slave away at work, JUST to fill in time. I have no other friends except those from "brothers" of mine and colleagues over here and i've spend too much time with my "brothers" that it starts to creeps me out, and as for my colleagues, i've been seeing them 5 days a week so i think they deserve to be with other ppl but the bored, and lifeless me...

Valentine's is around the corner ... just so that none of you will starting calling me a spoil sport, and no, just cause i'm unable to eat the grape it aint sour neither so HAPPY VALENTINE's to those who are celebrating (hahaha i foresee a big meteor coming and going to burn a deep, deep hole in your wallet WUAKAKAKAKAKA... OMG i'm so evil) and to those who's not celebrating... erm... any plans?? Care to share?? I'm currently planning to avoid a cold and lonely weekend here...

Pain of losing something

Have you ever lost something that you really, really want?
How hard does it feel to to lose something like that?

Frankly, i've not lost much things in life that i really do treasure to that extent. But to those that i did lost, it was really painful, so painful that sometimes when i do think back, regardless how long it was ago, it would bring tears to my eyes.

Whenever you think about what had happen previously would you just feel so bad that... well you'll just get grumpy for no particular reason and you would just lose interest in whatever you are doing. Sometimes you would even blame yourself for what happened?

And how about love? What does it feels like to have your heart broken or even lose someone you like? What does it feels like to be unable to get the love of that special someone that you do love? I've personally have zero or little experience on this but i was wondering, does it feels similiar to what i've expressed previously?

Erm ~~~~ ... ...

The Leech's Focal

Before i start, just a mental note Penang Bridge on a bike can be very dangerous... the cars are fast and the wind is heavy... salute those who nid to face it daily. While i was sitting as a passager on the bike on the bridge i manage to make the full use of the 13 odd km to have short "me" time.

Was thinking till this point in life... what have been my accompishment till today? What have i achive so far? How is my goal setting turn out? To be honest, i've lost track of my accomplishments, since somehow they dun seems to be of any significant but i do remember my failures, they are such deep cuts and dark inks in my personal records tat are so hard to forget.

How do you measure one's achievements and accomplishments? And where do i sit in your mind when you read this?
-Am i a par with you?
-Am i higher than you? or
-Am i lower than you?

Just went into two different rounds of Focal in my 18 months of working life in two different working environment and if i were to grade myself as what was done at work, how good am i? Where do i stand?

Proudly to say is that i would grade myself high in term of "official" achievement, I get things done that is my strong points. yea~~~ my school results were never top of the class and i might not be the brightest bulp in the room but at least i'm not labled as a bookworm or a nerd, nor am i labled as a freak or worthless piece of trash; and most importantly to me is that i've earned the respect of most of my peers so.. yea... its a big achievement to me. At least i know i worth something to others .... as a cow, or slave...

But ... ... not all things in life are good and so am i... as good am i grading myself in that area, there are aspect in my life that i truely really do condemn and if any of you know me as you think you do then i would believe you would come to the same conclusion. The area that i sux the most is... ... ... well i'll let u know later :p i nid to catch some Zs now, i think i'm gonna be sick due to lack of sleep. So anyone wanna take a wild guess??

Where is Me?

Dun have much "me time" nowadays, been in work mode since the 4th day of CNY, while most people is still on their holiday i am already slaving away at work... cant help to feel like i've lost sync with myself. Really need to sit down and sync up with the working me, home me, friend me and the me me.

There were some time where i would sit around and let my mind run and be creative even while working just to let off some steam but lately... i think i've locked that creative me somewhere and lost the map to his prison cell.

Thinking back bout a few weeks back when i have my mood swings... ... i think partly could be due to this too. HY was giving me a lecture on the importance of intra-communication and pointing out my lil' emotion problem and again saying that i will be the cause of my breakdown.

Like i say, thinking back... being lonely and being in solitude has really made me change in some way, but to think and to tell people around me that i do not have many friends it seems a rather hard to swallow. How could a guy who is as articulate as this have no friends? I mean i'm not that hard to approach kinda guy rite but... i do have very limited friends and even fewer of those whom i wanna talk to when i'm under the weather. Well what HY say is true, i do need to expand my friendship circle. I need a 3rd party friend, away from work, and away from my usual faces... maybe that way i would feel more comfortable if i want to discuss about my problems. At least that way i know it whatever i said will not arrive to the ears of those un-intended.

Well until i'm able to expand tat circle i guess i would need to work harder on my intra-communications skills.