Well, this is the new year. I should have a new year resolution right? But no.... I am not going to disappoint myself in 2016.
Well maybe i should do a simple one. I think I'll try to do a weekly blog, at least to remind myself of the week that past by and hopefully years down the road I'll be revisiting my own writing and laugh at my stupid younger self. Yea, that sounds fun... making fun of your own self.
Anyway, was back home over the new year and really made the effort to spend time with my parents, bringing them out for meals and being their errand boy. It feel like forever since I've really did it and it felt ok. It's good to be useful around the house again.
Dad told me something that I really want to remind myself for the rest of my life... Dad basically told me this, "As men, when we have a wife, it is our duty to love her and treat her right." well... this is something simple but it's very important lesson in life. Been hearing from mum how dad treat her when she was sick previously, even taking days off from the office just to take care of her.
I guess I get my manners for treating the ladies from my dad. And I got my stubbornness of a relationship from my mum. I have an expectation on how a healthy relationship is supposed to be. How I should treat my lady and how my lady should respond.... and like all things in life, with expectations comes disappointments. All I'm asking is that you share with me your daily life, your problems, your happiness, your thoughts... basically let me experience your day once awhile. I feel that it is important for me to know what is going on in your daily life so that when we do get together in the future, I know what you go thru and I'll know how to treat you.
As a talkative person, I really like to share my thoughts and feelings but I will need someone to listen to begin with. The reason I started blogging is because I wasn't able to find someone for me to rant to. I don't want to simply rant to anyone, I just want to rant to you, that special someone... I don't usually open my heart to anyone so please don't make me re-seal the seal that I've broken.
Just don't....
... I just want to be loved....
... ... Is that so much to asked for?
... Really?
Showing posts with label Leech's Inside. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Leech's Inside. Show all posts
Monday, January 11, 2016
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Summary of my life in 2015?
Wow, I can't believe that I've been away from my blog for so long. And again, this is the time of the year again that makes you to review what happened during the past 11 months.
2014 was a exciting year for me and I was thinking it will be hard to top it but I guess I was wrong. Every year will have something that lurks around the corner and give you a surprised and 2015 is much a roller-coster ride.
2015... the year where I met my personal goal to actually work abroad, leaving my country. Although i got the job offer of working in Mexico, i have to let it go just because I was not able to come to an agreement with my parents but all was not lost as I was able to land a job in the neighbouring Singapore, which is not to shabby i guess.
Leaving for Singapore has been an adventure. I was forced to leave my comfort zone and go out to relearn everything. It has also taught me an invaluable lesson of appreciation, oh... how i missed the guilty pleasure of driving to the footsteps to malls or to the office; how I missed those late night hang outs with friends, chit chatting away too the wee hours of the night; how I missed having a kitchen of my own to do some cooking whenever I feel like it. So much more I missed, so much I've now looked back and thought to myself, damn those are freedom.
It has also taught me some life lessons mainly of those I once mentioned on Facebook
It has also taught me the pain of loneliness and solitude. This 8 months in Singapore has been among the loneliest time I've ever had to myself. There are just nobody for me to do anything with. Yes, I do still have some friends here but I can't always go and bug them can't I? My colleagues were once my closest family away from my real family, but over here.... I hardly have a chance to mingle with my colleagues. The solitude is real, the pain is real.... the loneliness are beyond words. I've spend hours roaming Singapore, looking for places to visit and to eat but even that has it limits when you are always alone. Up to the point that I've now countless hours hiding in my room, alone, talking to myself from time to time. I drive myself up to wall sometimes. Is it that difficult to get a friend here? Or it is just me? Just me bring pathetic and shy myself away from everyone? I don't know.
With 2016 around the corner I do hope it will be a better year for me. I'm damn afraid of solitude now ... I really am.... so please help me...
2014 was a exciting year for me and I was thinking it will be hard to top it but I guess I was wrong. Every year will have something that lurks around the corner and give you a surprised and 2015 is much a roller-coster ride.
2015... the year where I met my personal goal to actually work abroad, leaving my country. Although i got the job offer of working in Mexico, i have to let it go just because I was not able to come to an agreement with my parents but all was not lost as I was able to land a job in the neighbouring Singapore, which is not to shabby i guess.
Leaving for Singapore has been an adventure. I was forced to leave my comfort zone and go out to relearn everything. It has also taught me an invaluable lesson of appreciation, oh... how i missed the guilty pleasure of driving to the footsteps to malls or to the office; how I missed those late night hang outs with friends, chit chatting away too the wee hours of the night; how I missed having a kitchen of my own to do some cooking whenever I feel like it. So much more I missed, so much I've now looked back and thought to myself, damn those are freedom.
It has also taught me some life lessons mainly of those I once mentioned on Facebook
1. Nobody will understand the amount of sacrifice you've made when you decided to move.
2. Regardless of how much you make, they will automatically assumed you are now rich.
3. It is never easy starting out new again.
4. You will miss the little guilty pleasures you did back home such as hanging out till wee hours in the morning, or the call from your friend that they are now outside your house waiting for you.
5. You actually begin to understand the cliche "There's no place like home" .
6. The colour of the grass are only as green as you perceive it to be
7. Things that doesn't seems that important back then are among the most important thing to you today.
8. How a phone call or message change the "distance" between people.
9. People will say how enviously they are of you but they will not make the same decision as you because.... "reasons" .
10. How old your parents has become since you decided to leave home.It has also taught me the pain of loneliness and solitude. This 8 months in Singapore has been among the loneliest time I've ever had to myself. There are just nobody for me to do anything with. Yes, I do still have some friends here but I can't always go and bug them can't I? My colleagues were once my closest family away from my real family, but over here.... I hardly have a chance to mingle with my colleagues. The solitude is real, the pain is real.... the loneliness are beyond words. I've spend hours roaming Singapore, looking for places to visit and to eat but even that has it limits when you are always alone. Up to the point that I've now countless hours hiding in my room, alone, talking to myself from time to time. I drive myself up to wall sometimes. Is it that difficult to get a friend here? Or it is just me? Just me bring pathetic and shy myself away from everyone? I don't know.
With 2016 around the corner I do hope it will be a better year for me. I'm damn afraid of solitude now ... I really am.... so please help me...
Monday, March 31, 2014
Who am I? (part 2)
Just had another thought of myself, which is also among something I say many times to a lot of people.
I am a good person
But not many people believe me ... so I continued with
When I told people that I'm a good person, no people would believe me and say I'm a bad person... so I do what I am expected to do ... do bad MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA~~~~~ but deep down... well i'm not good but i'm not that evil either... i'm just playful, childish and slightly naughty.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Camera -> Kimera -> Chimera
Camera.. camera... camera...
That is what that has been popping around here and there. It has been an endless effort by all to push me into that deep hole and entrap me in the web of mirrors and pixels. No offence, i already own a camera and yes may be it's quite old and the techie-ness is way way off but it's a still a rather good camera and it's been with me for many years.
I use to have an internal battle between a 60D with a 7D... and i finally decided to go with a 7D. Which brings me to the next level of battle. Cash... Cold hard cash. The 7D have a pricy price tag... more than that i earn a month and that is before deducting all the "this and that"s ... and (yes there is another and) that is EXCLUSIVE the lense which could cost me another bundle of "joy" and tears. The cheapest lense, which is the only lense that i can afford now, is the 50mm f/1.8 which cost almost RM300... and the lense which is on my saliva-drooling-wishlist is the 24-70mm f2.8 L USM IS lense which cost approximately 18.2 times of the 50mm. No kidding, it's approximately 18x the price.
A camera is a freaking expensive hobby and i've set foot in it. Damn.... so is there a way that i can escape this fate? Yup.. i don't buy a dSLR in the first place then i'm free~~~ Yes i'm damn tempted to buy but i still need to worry about what i'm gonna eat for the next few weeks right? Damn all of you who only knows how to "promote" but never thinks on my behalf... sigh ....
YES... i am still going to proceed in getting the camera, it's just ... well a matter of time .... and money.... which again translate back into time.... (i can go on and on and on... )
That is what that has been popping around here and there. It has been an endless effort by all to push me into that deep hole and entrap me in the web of mirrors and pixels. No offence, i already own a camera and yes may be it's quite old and the techie-ness is way way off but it's a still a rather good camera and it's been with me for many years.
I use to have an internal battle between a 60D with a 7D... and i finally decided to go with a 7D. Which brings me to the next level of battle. Cash... Cold hard cash. The 7D have a pricy price tag... more than that i earn a month and that is before deducting all the "this and that"s ... and (yes there is another and) that is EXCLUSIVE the lense which could cost me another bundle of "joy" and tears. The cheapest lense, which is the only lense that i can afford now, is the 50mm f/1.8 which cost almost RM300... and the lense which is on my saliva-drooling-wishlist is the 24-70mm f2.8 L USM IS lense which cost approximately 18.2 times of the 50mm. No kidding, it's approximately 18x the price.
A camera is a freaking expensive hobby and i've set foot in it. Damn.... so is there a way that i can escape this fate? Yup.. i don't buy a dSLR in the first place then i'm free~~~ Yes i'm damn tempted to buy but i still need to worry about what i'm gonna eat for the next few weeks right? Damn all of you who only knows how to "promote" but never thinks on my behalf... sigh ....
YES... i am still going to proceed in getting the camera, it's just ... well a matter of time .... and money.... which again translate back into time.... (i can go on and on and on... )
Saturday, July 03, 2010
The future is in ... ... whose hand?
I have to admit that i am no pious person and i am a strong believer that you have the power to determine and shape your future. Yet... sometime i can't help to think that there is somebody up there who guides me and even grant me my wish to accomplish my goal.
There are many times in my life where i feel like giving up as i see my goal slip further and further away from me yet something happen and give me hope again. That my goal of mine is still within my graps if i work harder and push harder for it and i did. During the few times that i fell, hurt and bleed... i almost went thru something equivalent to hell to me and i climb back up. I work hard to accomplish the goals that i've set for myself.
But on the personal side... "He" has not given me much on the relationship area. All my hopes and achievement that i've wanted was achieved but never when it came to relationship. From normal friends to that special some one... i sux when it comes to human to human relationship as I am very good in screwing up my relationship with people around me.
Again... now i have another dream and achievement that i wish to achieve... will You give me that same support that You have given to me previously? I no longer have any hope for a relationship thus i will take this as the principle of equivalent trade... to trade my life for a happy relationship for a life of great achievement... can i do it just like how i've did it previously? Only time will tell ....
There are many times in my life where i feel like giving up as i see my goal slip further and further away from me yet something happen and give me hope again. That my goal of mine is still within my graps if i work harder and push harder for it and i did. During the few times that i fell, hurt and bleed... i almost went thru something equivalent to hell to me and i climb back up. I work hard to accomplish the goals that i've set for myself.
But on the personal side... "He" has not given me much on the relationship area. All my hopes and achievement that i've wanted was achieved but never when it came to relationship. From normal friends to that special some one... i sux when it comes to human to human relationship as I am very good in screwing up my relationship with people around me.
Again... now i have another dream and achievement that i wish to achieve... will You give me that same support that You have given to me previously? I no longer have any hope for a relationship thus i will take this as the principle of equivalent trade... to trade my life for a happy relationship for a life of great achievement... can i do it just like how i've did it previously? Only time will tell ....
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Another level
Another year, another brother step forward into a new phase in life. Yesterday my 22 years buddy tied his knot with his beloved and end his bachelor-hood days.
I was there whole day trying my best to help him out to the best i could ...
... funny things is ... there is basically nothing more that i wish to say here, which is kind of odd...
Have a beautiful new life CCC ....
I was there whole day trying my best to help him out to the best i could ...
... funny things is ... there is basically nothing more that i wish to say here, which is kind of odd...
Have a beautiful new life CCC ....
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
What if....
What if” is such a nice word. It just pulls together all the possible outcome and make force you to think of the possibilities which in most cases are the more beautiful ending cases. And then you start to regret for not doing the “what if” stuff. This is how ironic we as human are, whenever we do a “looking back” session we will have all these “what if”s coming up and then we’ll have all these “regrets” which is too little too late.
Awhile back, I was driving by Queens Bay where I saw this beautiful rainbow. Then when I parked my car by the roadside and looked up I saw a beautiful angle to take a very beautiful photo where the rainbow was perfectly visible just above the in between the triangle in a lightly darken evening 7pm sky with the street light and if I have a filter to make the street light shoots out like star then it will be almost too perfect. The only problem is… … … I don’t have my camera with me. What if I have taken my camera with me and put it in my car the day before, I used to have the habit of bring it along with me but not anymore, and then this could almost be a picture perfect photo… sigh…
This actually brings me to another incident where I can’t help to think “What if” …
What if I have taken initiative to study harder or to get to know more people, who will I be today? Well let's face it, my capability towards knowledge is only up this limit so the question remain, what if i took more initiative to get to more people, namely girls. Would I still be single, available and desperate a.k.a S.A.D today? I can't help to think that there might have been a chance for me back in my uni days but I guess I've blown it by being me... I didn't take any initiative in relationship just because I kept telling myself that good things will not happen to me and that I am only second best if not the third to others. What if i have make move ? What if I have maintained close contact ?
What if...
what if indeed... ... its too little too late now as it's all history. The "she" has graduted and I've left uni for 3 years, if the "what if" were to happen it would have happened long ago right? And me... I'm still the brat that I was 3 years ago, still naive, stupid and childish inside and on the outside, I'm serious, responsible and the unbeatable iron bangla.
I'm 27 this year and my friends is getting married one by one, do i feel the pressure of being single? Not really, may be work has dulled my senses but being single doesn't sounds or seems that bad besides the usual lonely and solitude nights or when you have tonnes of things to blurt out but nobody to listens to. Other than that, I'm still ok with my life.... the question is, for how much longer? I tell myself that I need to change, I tell myselt that this life of mine is a hazard and I tell myself I need to take control of my private life more but they are only words, words which I care less about.
For me, myself and I... ... have a happy cold and lonesome night, today... tomorrow ... and who knows, till my d_ _ _ g days??? Hahahahahaha.... cheers~~
Awhile back, I was driving by Queens Bay where I saw this beautiful rainbow. Then when I parked my car by the roadside and looked up I saw a beautiful angle to take a very beautiful photo where the rainbow was perfectly visible just above the in between the triangle in a lightly darken evening 7pm sky with the street light and if I have a filter to make the street light shoots out like star then it will be almost too perfect. The only problem is… … … I don’t have my camera with me. What if I have taken my camera with me and put it in my car the day before, I used to have the habit of bring it along with me but not anymore, and then this could almost be a picture perfect photo… sigh…
This actually brings me to another incident where I can’t help to think “What if” …
What if I have taken initiative to study harder or to get to know more people, who will I be today? Well let's face it, my capability towards knowledge is only up this limit so the question remain, what if i took more initiative to get to more people, namely girls. Would I still be single, available and desperate a.k.a S.A.D today? I can't help to think that there might have been a chance for me back in my uni days but I guess I've blown it by being me... I didn't take any initiative in relationship just because I kept telling myself that good things will not happen to me and that I am only second best if not the third to others. What if i have make move ? What if I have maintained close contact ?
What if...
what if indeed... ... its too little too late now as it's all history. The "she" has graduted and I've left uni for 3 years, if the "what if" were to happen it would have happened long ago right? And me... I'm still the brat that I was 3 years ago, still naive, stupid and childish inside and on the outside, I'm serious, responsible and the unbeatable iron bangla.
I'm 27 this year and my friends is getting married one by one, do i feel the pressure of being single? Not really, may be work has dulled my senses but being single doesn't sounds or seems that bad besides the usual lonely and solitude nights or when you have tonnes of things to blurt out but nobody to listens to. Other than that, I'm still ok with my life.... the question is, for how much longer? I tell myself that I need to change, I tell myselt that this life of mine is a hazard and I tell myself I need to take control of my private life more but they are only words, words which I care less about.
For me, myself and I... ... have a happy cold and lonesome night, today... tomorrow ... and who knows, till my d_ _ _ g days??? Hahahahahaha.... cheers~~
Thursday, May 13, 2010
730 days in "I"
I can't believe how time has flew me by. Today marks the 2nd year that i've been with the "I" corperation. Althought i've been on board for 2 years but on the record i've only been there for 18 months. And in about 2 weeks time it will be my 3rd year working as an engineer not to mention to graduate from uni. These 3 years has been rather kind to me in terms of work. I have made many good friends and have many good colleagues in a good and condusive working environment. As a colleague of mine said "If you get good colleagues, consider yourself lucky. If you get bad colleagues consider that as normal."
Lets have a quick recap of what i've endured during this 3 years... ... ... ... i have experience super long working hours, and er ... erm... ar... well can't actually think if anything else i guess. After moving to Penang, it's been rather a different life. I have to tend to everything myself and i have nobody to tell me what to do. And how do i use all this freedom, i spend them at work. I work till it's nobody's business from early morning till very late at nite just to go back the lab early again the next day. Unlike when i was still in KL where i will most certainly reach home at certain hours of night.
Is this the proper life of an engineer? And in this 3 years i have learn a few myths related to engineering
1- Work life effectiveness... this term has been nothing much but a myth to me.
2- Engineers have very high pay ; depends on which line of engineering you are talk about basically
3- Engineers can fix virtually anything; hv you have friends who ask you to fix their TV just because you've worked in a TV factory?
4- Engineers are "kayu"; which i totally disagree coz i crack a lot of stupid jokes and most of the time it works... ...
5- Engineers are good with numbers; hmmm.. not me at least
All i can say is that, many people can study engineering but not all who graduate wants to be an engineer and those who wants to be an engineer, not all of them can be an engineer. Most importantly, those who can be an enginner not all will remained an engineer. So where does that leaves me?? I still like what i'm doing , being involved with technology and stuff... but until when? I wonder what will i say when i reach my 3rd year in this organization ... .... anticipating i guess...
Happy anniversary Leech...
by
The Leech....
^.^
Lets have a quick recap of what i've endured during this 3 years... ... ... ... i have experience super long working hours, and er ... erm... ar... well can't actually think if anything else i guess. After moving to Penang, it's been rather a different life. I have to tend to everything myself and i have nobody to tell me what to do. And how do i use all this freedom, i spend them at work. I work till it's nobody's business from early morning till very late at nite just to go back the lab early again the next day. Unlike when i was still in KL where i will most certainly reach home at certain hours of night.
Is this the proper life of an engineer? And in this 3 years i have learn a few myths related to engineering
1- Work life effectiveness... this term has been nothing much but a myth to me.
2- Engineers have very high pay ; depends on which line of engineering you are talk about basically
3- Engineers can fix virtually anything; hv you have friends who ask you to fix their TV just because you've worked in a TV factory?
4- Engineers are "kayu"; which i totally disagree coz i crack a lot of stupid jokes and most of the time it works... ...
5- Engineers are good with numbers; hmmm.. not me at least
All i can say is that, many people can study engineering but not all who graduate wants to be an engineer and those who wants to be an engineer, not all of them can be an engineer. Most importantly, those who can be an enginner not all will remained an engineer. So where does that leaves me?? I still like what i'm doing , being involved with technology and stuff... but until when? I wonder what will i say when i reach my 3rd year in this organization ... .... anticipating i guess...
Happy anniversary Leech...
by
The Leech....
^.^
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Jobs, Life, and Relationship
A mirror, glass, or mere a crystal. That is who i have been recently at work. I've been more invisible that i ever notice recently. Does that bothers me? Not really. Since i can remember, i've never able to keep a good relationship with anyone for any reason for any period longer than the project. This is the reason that i always label myself as the unknown, unheard and unseen.
I'll be good with you on the project basis due to job requirement, the job then destroy my life and later i will ruin the relationship between you and I. That is what i'm good at.
I"ve never good in conveying feelings because i have little if not none. I see things as plain and simple as i can and could just avoid myself from having let downs. I usually give people cold shoulders so they will give up trying to get to know me. I'm basically making myself unapproachable after work because you will just get fed up with me ...
I'll be good with you on the project basis due to job requirement, the job then destroy my life and later i will ruin the relationship between you and I. That is what i'm good at.
I"ve never good in conveying feelings because i have little if not none. I see things as plain and simple as i can and could just avoid myself from having let downs. I usually give people cold shoulders so they will give up trying to get to know me. I'm basically making myself unapproachable after work because you will just get fed up with me ...
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The meaning of my blogging activities
I notice that i've been doing a lot of blogging lately, i think almost 3 post a week which is rather high for me. I mean i use to blog daily but that was during my school days and when i started working my blogging frequency just reduce dramatically. Which actually got me thinking ... ... usually when i start to blog it because i have a lot of thoughts in my head and also due to the reason i have not many person whom i can share it with, i usually end up scribbing it out here and share it with the rest of the world.
How many of you have a problem of finding someone to talk to, either via msn/YM/Gtalk etc or thru a phone call ?? Most of the people i know, well at least i feel, don't have this problem. Most people i know have another "half" whom they can share their thoughts, or have buddies who they can share (again... i think). As for me... seriously i don't want to go to the "You don't know me" or the "You don't understand me" arguement because one of the reason you don't understand me is because i don't tell you much about me. This is something that i got lectured a lot by a lot of friends. Yet i've not done much to change that.
I have a poker face that don't have much facial expression (other than the "duh" look or the "please kill me" look that i always show to others) and i don't have much emotions either. I can be smiling but i'm may not be happy, i can frown but i might be sad ... this to add on to my lack of friends is really pushing me further and further away from humanity sometimes.
Is it easier to share your "un-happiness" with a friend from the opposite gender? Sometimes i want to find a girl to talk to other than a guy ... may be is because i want to feel the gentle kindness that is so hard to get from a guy. Problem is... there ain't so many female friends around for me to find and talk to. And those who are around... well sorry to say that i'm not close enough to them that i wish to share with them.
So here i am, talking to myself on the world wide web... writing a blog containing all my mixed feelings and emotions into cyberspace. Coming to this, i really wonder, what will i do if the Internet was never brought up?
How many of you have a problem of finding someone to talk to, either via msn/YM/Gtalk etc or thru a phone call ?? Most of the people i know, well at least i feel, don't have this problem. Most people i know have another "half" whom they can share their thoughts, or have buddies who they can share (again... i think). As for me... seriously i don't want to go to the "You don't know me" or the "You don't understand me" arguement because one of the reason you don't understand me is because i don't tell you much about me. This is something that i got lectured a lot by a lot of friends. Yet i've not done much to change that.
I have a poker face that don't have much facial expression (other than the "duh" look or the "please kill me" look that i always show to others) and i don't have much emotions either. I can be smiling but i'm may not be happy, i can frown but i might be sad ... this to add on to my lack of friends is really pushing me further and further away from humanity sometimes.
Is it easier to share your "un-happiness" with a friend from the opposite gender? Sometimes i want to find a girl to talk to other than a guy ... may be is because i want to feel the gentle kindness that is so hard to get from a guy. Problem is... there ain't so many female friends around for me to find and talk to. And those who are around... well sorry to say that i'm not close enough to them that i wish to share with them.
So here i am, talking to myself on the world wide web... writing a blog containing all my mixed feelings and emotions into cyberspace. Coming to this, i really wonder, what will i do if the Internet was never brought up?
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Borthering thoughts
I'm having a thought today... a thought that has even kept me from sleeping. I try to take a nap today, which is something i don't do very much as i don't take naps unless i'm sick. Anyway i went to my bed, lie down and amazingly i really fell asleep... well almost. Whenever i'm heading into the sleeping region... i'll wake up almost violently and this went on until i give up taking my nap.
Anyway back to my thought today... somehow i keep thinking to myself... Why did i quit my last job and come here? I used to have a quite fun, entertaining and rather carefree job, i give it up for a hectic, stressful and unhealthy job?? Well the pay was not as attractive as the pay i'm getting now but at least i had a life back then. I can still manage to find time to do some catching up with friends after work. Sigh... ... ... what have i done? Did i choose a wrong path somewhere along the way? Life is too beautiful for it to be going this way... and like EH like to say, "Live your life well as you will die for very long."
Back in my old job, on a Saturday and Sunday i will be shaking my butt in front of a desktop playing game or chit chatting with a friend over MSN or i might even be out having a drink. Yet nowadays i'm sitting in front of my laptop looking at my work or sometimes even going back to the lab on a beautiful Saturday/Sunday, and now ... even gaming doesn't sounds as appealing as it used to... Why? What am i doing wrong? What is wrong with me? I cant help to think that this job is catching up to me, taking my sanity away, bit by bit, day by day....
I need to do something about this job or i'll have to leave this job in search of something else .... it'll be my second year in this place this May and i think i've lost more of my personality and sanity than i can imagine. It's not kidding when they call this place the pressure cooker as i'm having sleepless nights, i'm get jumpy from time to time and sometimes.... i just feel that even breathing can be a burden as sometimes i find it very difficult to breath at work... I am handling something that is beyond my capabilities, my stress management is no longer sufficient for my current stress status and i can only imagine that the stress level can and will only increases and not decreases. Will i break down first or will i be able to break this cycle... only time will tell and only i will know the outcome .
Well i'm off to bed ... hopefully i won't have this abrupt waking ups again.... tomorrow is another day in the "lab"rinth... Nite~~
Anyway back to my thought today... somehow i keep thinking to myself... Why did i quit my last job and come here? I used to have a quite fun, entertaining and rather carefree job, i give it up for a hectic, stressful and unhealthy job?? Well the pay was not as attractive as the pay i'm getting now but at least i had a life back then. I can still manage to find time to do some catching up with friends after work. Sigh... ... ... what have i done? Did i choose a wrong path somewhere along the way? Life is too beautiful for it to be going this way... and like EH like to say, "Live your life well as you will die for very long."
Back in my old job, on a Saturday and Sunday i will be shaking my butt in front of a desktop playing game or chit chatting with a friend over MSN or i might even be out having a drink. Yet nowadays i'm sitting in front of my laptop looking at my work or sometimes even going back to the lab on a beautiful Saturday/Sunday, and now ... even gaming doesn't sounds as appealing as it used to... Why? What am i doing wrong? What is wrong with me? I cant help to think that this job is catching up to me, taking my sanity away, bit by bit, day by day....
I need to do something about this job or i'll have to leave this job in search of something else .... it'll be my second year in this place this May and i think i've lost more of my personality and sanity than i can imagine. It's not kidding when they call this place the pressure cooker as i'm having sleepless nights, i'm get jumpy from time to time and sometimes.... i just feel that even breathing can be a burden as sometimes i find it very difficult to breath at work... I am handling something that is beyond my capabilities, my stress management is no longer sufficient for my current stress status and i can only imagine that the stress level can and will only increases and not decreases. Will i break down first or will i be able to break this cycle... only time will tell and only i will know the outcome .
Well i'm off to bed ... hopefully i won't have this abrupt waking ups again.... tomorrow is another day in the "lab"rinth... Nite~~
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Birthday enlightment
I had a very tense birthday this year, basically it's from all the wishes from all my friends. Beside the normal "Happy Birthday" most of the wishes included an additional message. And if you are among one of those who wished me or have a chance to drop by my facebook you may have be able to guess what i'm trying to say. To those who don't know... well most of them wish or should i say encourage / urge me to get a girlfriend. Well.... ... thanks to all this "encouraging" wishes brought me to another enlightment and i kind of think that this could be the biggest enlightment i have since ... i have no idea since when ... coz it's just big~~~~
Well let me just get into my little discovery... i've discover the reason why i am dead single, i think i need to highlight the word DEAD just to show how single i actually am hahaha and to make matters worse, my little discovery can be explained and proven scientifically. And it's perfectly logical =)
Are you ready for my little discovery???
U sure ???
Dead sure??? =p
Well... ...
I just noticed that i'm a relatively successful babe magnet myself. I have abselotely no doubt that i'm a successful babe magnet. But there is just one tinne winsy problem... the polarity of the magnet ... ... well it's the same polarity with all the babes... just to help those who are not very good in magnetism, let me give you the gist of what i'm trying to say. Magnets of opposing polarity attracts while the same polarity repels... so ... yup... that's just what i am; a big succesful defective "babe magnet". They can only get just "that" close before they get repeled and "run" away. So i guess that's why i remained single. No girls can get close enough to me to begin to like me. I guess that is another reason why i'm so glued to the internet, that's the only place i may be able to ge to know those from the opposite sex without repelling them far away from me.
Well let me just get into my little discovery... i've discover the reason why i am dead single, i think i need to highlight the word DEAD just to show how single i actually am hahaha and to make matters worse, my little discovery can be explained and proven scientifically. And it's perfectly logical =)
Are you ready for my little discovery???
U sure ???
Dead sure??? =p
Well... ...
I just noticed that i'm a relatively successful babe magnet myself. I have abselotely no doubt that i'm a successful babe magnet. But there is just one tinne winsy problem... the polarity of the magnet ... ... well it's the same polarity with all the babes... just to help those who are not very good in magnetism, let me give you the gist of what i'm trying to say. Magnets of opposing polarity attracts while the same polarity repels... so ... yup... that's just what i am; a big succesful defective "babe magnet". They can only get just "that" close before they get repeled and "run" away. So i guess that's why i remained single. No girls can get close enough to me to begin to like me. I guess that is another reason why i'm so glued to the internet, that's the only place i may be able to ge to know those from the opposite sex without repelling them far away from me.
Monday, March 08, 2010
Fan??
A man with a pen, and a man with a fan... ....
Excuse my blurness... it's monday and i'm at work with lack of sleep (may be i had enough but i'm still sleepy) and some numb mussles.... I wanted to write this in the weekends but i was lazy during the day and i got "kidnapped" at night so i'm doing it now... haha ... hopefully nobody sees me :p
Throughout my years being alive, i had never thought i would become a fan of any figures from the world of entertainment. All this time i will only care how well they sing the song and if it's good i'll like them, regardless of their genre or language but recently i'm very into a group. Becoming a fan of theirs... Can't believe it haha ...
I'm sadly and at the same time proudly admit that i've totally become a fan of the girl group So Nyuh Shi Dae or SNSD or Girls Generation. As you may have guessed it from the name, they are not a Chinese group (although you may think is a English group) but they are in fact a Korean girl group. They are a group of 9 rather attractive female members with rather good vocals and choreography. My favourite member is the leader TaeYeon because i just simply like her voice plus some of her cuteness does adds points hehe... but she's not always cute and pretty, in some of their MVs she looks rather normal.
Seriouly, what can be more sassier than watching a well choreograph dance to a nice song? It's being presented to you by 9 attractive ladies... the combo is just amazing least to say.
Well back to work... but i'll leave with a clip of one of my favourite song it's a sad one but i like it... If (OST from Hong Gil Dong)
Excuse my blurness... it's monday and i'm at work with lack of sleep (may be i had enough but i'm still sleepy) and some numb mussles.... I wanted to write this in the weekends but i was lazy during the day and i got "kidnapped" at night so i'm doing it now... haha ... hopefully nobody sees me :p
Throughout my years being alive, i had never thought i would become a fan of any figures from the world of entertainment. All this time i will only care how well they sing the song and if it's good i'll like them, regardless of their genre or language but recently i'm very into a group. Becoming a fan of theirs... Can't believe it haha ...
I'm sadly and at the same time proudly admit that i've totally become a fan of the girl group So Nyuh Shi Dae or SNSD or Girls Generation. As you may have guessed it from the name, they are not a Chinese group (although you may think is a English group) but they are in fact a Korean girl group. They are a group of 9 rather attractive female members with rather good vocals and choreography. My favourite member is the leader TaeYeon because i just simply like her voice plus some of her cuteness does adds points hehe... but she's not always cute and pretty, in some of their MVs she looks rather normal.
Seriouly, what can be more sassier than watching a well choreograph dance to a nice song? It's being presented to you by 9 attractive ladies... the combo is just amazing least to say.
Well back to work... but i'll leave with a clip of one of my favourite song it's a sad one but i like it... If (OST from Hong Gil Dong)
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Creativity?
I think i'll do a short blog update hehe... psst... nobody in my side of the lab yet hahaha
Sometimes i can't help to feel my creativity with words, especially when it comes to coming up with phrases ... i just came up with a good phrase for myself and it seems most people who read it like it, it was funny and it made a point ... i'm glad i'm good in words manipulation hahaha... it's fun :p
Taken from my Facebook...
My current favourite phrase / quote is ... ...
well been using this a lot at work... so.. yea it's my favourite quote since most of my colleagues here calles me Tiger. It is just so fitting..
Sometimes i can't help to feel my creativity with words, especially when it comes to coming up with phrases ... i just came up with a good phrase for myself and it seems most people who read it like it, it was funny and it made a point ... i'm glad i'm good in words manipulation hahaha... it's fun :p
Taken from my Facebook...
if men are like wine and gets better with time... anyone interested to taste
this one of the kind 1983 vintage that has been kept in a cold and dry
environment for the last 2 years i.e. the lab hahaha
My current favourite phrase / quote is ... ...
Call me "tiger". Why ? Coz i'm both 老 in age and 苦 in life...
well been using this a lot at work... so.. yea it's my favourite quote since most of my colleagues here calles me Tiger. It is just so fitting..
Saturday, February 27, 2010
EH... a colleague, a counter part and hell of a basket of a friend
Actually this is something i should have blurted out yesterday but i didn't... Yesterday was the official last day of one of my best companion at work... the one and only O-EH. Seriously i have no idea that we've been colleagues for almost 2 years in that frozen labrinth we call lab. And yesterday was his last ... his last day in this hell hole.
Of all my colleagues, EH has a relatively special position. Of all the colleagues he is the only one whom i have no problem being myself. While i have a tendency to be on my best behaviour with each and everybody else, but with him i can just be the jerk that i am. Not forgotting the fact that he's usually the last remaining few guys in the lab that will always keep me company whenever we work late. He very much reminded me of how i was back in my secondary school days (and those were among my best days of my life). How you could NOT like a person who basically is a bundle of joy to be around.
I will miss our morning hellos ...
I will miss our daily chats ...
I will miss his cute and adorable face especially when he put on that fake smile of his ...
But the thing that i will miss the most is
... his companionship when i feel stressed and worn out
... our long night chats where we blurt out all our unpleasantness
... his presence during the long OT nights
I do not know whether will or when he might read this, but EH, if you are reading this. Thanks for being such a good friend, colleague and the jack a$$ that you are. I wish you a smooth sailing in your future journeys and may lady luck be with you every step of the way.
Of all my colleagues, EH has a relatively special position. Of all the colleagues he is the only one whom i have no problem being myself. While i have a tendency to be on my best behaviour with each and everybody else, but with him i can just be the jerk that i am. Not forgotting the fact that he's usually the last remaining few guys in the lab that will always keep me company whenever we work late. He very much reminded me of how i was back in my secondary school days (and those were among my best days of my life). How you could NOT like a person who basically is a bundle of joy to be around.
I will miss our morning hellos ...
I will miss our daily chats ...
I will miss his cute and adorable face especially when he put on that fake smile of his ...
But the thing that i will miss the most is
... his companionship when i feel stressed and worn out
... our long night chats where we blurt out all our unpleasantness
... his presence during the long OT nights
I do not know whether will or when he might read this, but EH, if you are reading this. Thanks for being such a good friend, colleague and the jack a$$ that you are. I wish you a smooth sailing in your future journeys and may lady luck be with you every step of the way.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Public holiday???
I just found out 2 things today... think of it as enlightment hahaha
(hey i guess the long holiday i took is begining to pay off i'm thinking more clearly now hahaha ...)
1st...
Public holiday is actually a myth... coz it nvr actually happens, it's just a way to tell u that u can rest 8 more hours coz u've work too much extra the previous days and to boss can't compensate so somehow they manage to come out with this term called "Public Holiday" to con you into believing that if u work more and finish more work then you can enjoy a bit more. But its not... you'll end up working more than the 8hours of compensation.
but don't fret... this brings me to my second enlightment of the day ... ....
...
public holiday is for the public, not for those privately "owned" and since we are privately owned by the company that hire us... so there ain't such thing as a public holiday
so if you are thinking of having a good "public" holiday then consider a career in the "public" line or the goverment sector because the "private" line just don't have such thing haha
(hey i guess the long holiday i took is begining to pay off i'm thinking more clearly now hahaha ...)
1st...
Public holiday is actually a myth... coz it nvr actually happens, it's just a way to tell u that u can rest 8 more hours coz u've work too much extra the previous days and to boss can't compensate so somehow they manage to come out with this term called "Public Holiday" to con you into believing that if u work more and finish more work then you can enjoy a bit more. But its not... you'll end up working more than the 8hours of compensation.
but don't fret... this brings me to my second enlightment of the day ... ....
...
public holiday is for the public, not for those privately "owned" and since we are privately owned by the company that hire us... so there ain't such thing as a public holiday
so if you are thinking of having a good "public" holiday then consider a career in the "public" line or the goverment sector because the "private" line just don't have such thing haha
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Holiday thoughts
It's funny that i'm actually thinking abuot work now... just can't help thinking that there are still unfinished stuff and i need to deliver some overdue data to a colleague of mine... some of you might be yelling "hey~~~ it's the holiday can you give yourself a break?? " but the fact is i have given myself a break... officially tomorrow will be a working day so i would need to do something about it. Maybe i'll do some work tomorrow if i have the time ... another round of gathering tomorrow haha ...
Another thing that got me thinking tonight after i met up with another long lost friend. The last time we seen each other was more than 2 years ago. Thus it got me thinking, time really flies and little did we know we are getting older. My friend and i have known each other for 14 years now, i mean how many 14 years do you have in life? And throughout our 14 years of friendship, we have quite a number of years where we have totally lost contact with each other. Does it really have to be this way? Using this long holiday of mine, i plan to seek out other long lost friend have try to arrange a F2F. Nothing is more magical than to seek out an old friend and do some catching up. Currently i have at least one more on my list... hopefully we are able to meet up before i migrate back to my Frozen "Lab"ryinth...
Another thing that got me thinking tonight after i met up with another long lost friend. The last time we seen each other was more than 2 years ago. Thus it got me thinking, time really flies and little did we know we are getting older. My friend and i have known each other for 14 years now, i mean how many 14 years do you have in life? And throughout our 14 years of friendship, we have quite a number of years where we have totally lost contact with each other. Does it really have to be this way? Using this long holiday of mine, i plan to seek out other long lost friend have try to arrange a F2F. Nothing is more magical than to seek out an old friend and do some catching up. Currently i have at least one more on my list... hopefully we are able to meet up before i migrate back to my Frozen "Lab"ryinth...
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Ups and downs
Had a met up with a friend today and it some how reminded me of something i've not used in quite some time. I use to tell myself that until you've tasted the bitterness and sourness of failure, you will never be able to truely understand and experience the sweetness of success. For someone who has experience how it feels like to be at the bottom will really saviour the wonderful feeling of success.
In life it is just impossible that we are always at to top of all things because as Murphy stated "All the things that can go wrong, will go wrong" so there will always be ups and downs in life... accept it.. deal with it...
It's ok to fail but more importantly is what did you take from your failure. I've been thru the valley of failure thus i vowed to myself that i'll never go there again, i do not want to experience that "hell" again. So i will do the best that i could to avoid that, and to avoid failure is to continue to improve. Leave failure further and further from you but must always prepare yourself for suprises as failure could take a shortcut somewhere and pop up right in front of you again. But that is life... take it and let it be, take the key learnings and then walk away.
To my friend who is reading it, Success sometimes takes and requires a chance but failure are not forever ...
In life it is just impossible that we are always at to top of all things because as Murphy stated "All the things that can go wrong, will go wrong" so there will always be ups and downs in life... accept it.. deal with it...
It's ok to fail but more importantly is what did you take from your failure. I've been thru the valley of failure thus i vowed to myself that i'll never go there again, i do not want to experience that "hell" again. So i will do the best that i could to avoid that, and to avoid failure is to continue to improve. Leave failure further and further from you but must always prepare yourself for suprises as failure could take a shortcut somewhere and pop up right in front of you again. But that is life... take it and let it be, take the key learnings and then walk away.
To my friend who is reading it, Success sometimes takes and requires a chance but failure are not forever ...
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Dumb or insufficient knowledge?
Through a freaky accident i've triggered my boss's interest in me. Since the first day i've join this dept till yesterday, my manager has not shown any interest in my everyday ongoing but all the sudden it changed... All the sudden he gived me some AR and ask me to get the answer the following day and all the sudden i felt like Jack Bauer. I got 24 hrs to get the answers he wanted ... i was desperate.... and today was round 2, another 24 hrs, another sets of question requiring another sets of answer.
In a way it felt like my boss is helping me to grow by pressuring me so i should feel greatful but on the otherhand i feel stressed and tension by his actions. He is asking me stuff that i have no ideas about and with what ever knowledge that i have i've given it to him but it is still not enough... now i am really scared, i'm scared that i might not be up for this.
Will i survive? I hope i would.... so if u dun see me updating my blog in a very long time, then u know what had happened to me .... .... ...
busy studying la ... not yet die .... i hope hahaha
In a way it felt like my boss is helping me to grow by pressuring me so i should feel greatful but on the otherhand i feel stressed and tension by his actions. He is asking me stuff that i have no ideas about and with what ever knowledge that i have i've given it to him but it is still not enough... now i am really scared, i'm scared that i might not be up for this.
Will i survive? I hope i would.... so if u dun see me updating my blog in a very long time, then u know what had happened to me .... .... ...
busy studying la ... not yet die .... i hope hahaha
Friday, September 18, 2009
Laziness ~~
U know what.. i'm feeling lazy. Lazy cause of the fact it's the holidays again or just i don't feel like doing anything ? I don't know. But i do know i don't want to do anything. I'm trying to make my blog more "entertaining" ... ... ok, i'm going jibberish again.... hahah ..
Just that i've not been updating my blog for a week now. So was thinking whether will i do it during the holidays? Things to crap about ....
Will think of some other rubbish to add in later ... after work.... if i hv mood... if i remember ... if.. if... if.... wat the heck .... hahaha ~~ :p
Just that i've not been updating my blog for a week now. So was thinking whether will i do it during the holidays? Things to crap about ....
- Food... tried a mee goreng at Lorong Bangkok in Penang (taste good) and the Coconut Jelly too
Work, bench swapping... #achoooooo# god the dust is phenominal. - MooooV, UP UP and away~~~ (no i'm not talking about Superman)
- Farewel, sad story.... sigh...
Will think of some other rubbish to add in later ... after work.... if i hv mood... if i remember ... if.. if... if.... wat the heck .... hahaha ~~ :p
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