All the sudden I have a surge of thought. This is my 4th year working and going into my 3rd year in "I". Looking back at what I have achieved seems to be ... ... ... nothing. Back in my early days of working back in "S", I don't have ownership towards anything and my role there is just to provide support. Support for board debug, support for rework, support for under-staff. It was just support, support and support, the only project give to me was even later killed which give me a big "WTF!!!" through my head. And with those points in mind, I left. Left for another company elsewhere hoping that things can and will be different.
But did it ??
So I started my journey in Penang, working in "I" where most people often mistaken as a "rich people population" company i.e. high pay and execelent benefits. But how true is that statement? I can't deny that my pay and the benefit here is certainly better than my ex-company but is it a par with all those around me ? That is a question mark. Anyway going into my 3rd year of service, my pay is not that much higher than a fresh graduate and i'm not getting the proper recognization from my manager which lead me to think, what the hell am I still doing here? Overworked and under appreciated. Luckily for me, there is a change in management and it seems (and i do mean it SEEMS) that my new manager seems to be sheading some light on me.... well I'll see how it goes on from here, hopefully it's worth the wait and effort.
Shifting gear into something less official yet equally stressful... ... ...
4 years in the industry, 5 years in tertiary education and another 5 years in secondary education; 15-16 years of my life meeting people, knowing people, interacting with people all almost on a daily basis and yet... ... ... one word, lonely . Pathetic? May be ... I've put too much of my effort in work, studies and activities that I've neglected love, emotions and feelings; all of which I have little or none. I'm 27 this year and I'm seeing a lot of my friends tying their knots with their significant others while some are in progress to upgrade their status to Daddy.
All this lead me think that something is wrong with my lifestyle and I needed to change. I need more time outside of office, outside of work so I took up another hobby, photography. But the problem is ... ... now I spend less time in the office/lab but I spend the equivalent time at home editing the photos that I took which brings me back to square one. I still can't met new friends. Work and photography... the things that I love and have passion for and it is also the thing that is and may absolutely kills me....
May be I'm better off alone and lonely... which reminds me of another song that perfectly fits the current me.林凡：一个人生活
I guess I better stick to these words ... 不再当宅男，立志当个快乐的摄影人!!! as much flaw there is in this sentence but currently it is the only thing that I can relate and feel happy about. When there is no hope around, the faintest light can seems so bright.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Random Thoughts #
Been rather emo for the past 48 hours. May be i was in touch with it, which is not something that i do very often. The good part of it is that i found out something about myself that i didn't know previously (even sometimes it may not be a pleasent one) the bad part to it is that... well i'm being emo (not something i enjoy) and to counter that, my evil twin is taking over in some sense. And as a result... I got some work done ^.^ (as i've been being lazy for the past few days).
Another thing that i thought about today is how well does my friends knows me? Does my friends who reads my blog knows more about me that those who don't? Sometime i wish i have that specific person to read my blog and sometime i wish there are those who don't come to read my blog. As most of you who read my blog... most of you might have notice that my blog will talk about a lot of things that goes on in my life and most of the stuff that i wrote about are my frustration towards things that actually goes wrong in my life and that sometimes involves some people. I try to avoid names and stuff but ... well sometimes if you read it correctly you might actually identify the person which is something i don't want to do.
hmmmmm.... yea.. i am not good in expressing myself in words and especially in a F2F conversation so i usually resort to writing and texting. I to avoid actual conversation in anyway possible even when it's work related and especially when it's those that involves heart to heart talks. So my blog becomes my only place to express out all my negetive feelings.
AR for the day... get the emo feeling out of my system. Leech hwaiting~!!
Another thing that i thought about today is how well does my friends knows me? Does my friends who reads my blog knows more about me that those who don't? Sometime i wish i have that specific person to read my blog and sometime i wish there are those who don't come to read my blog. As most of you who read my blog... most of you might have notice that my blog will talk about a lot of things that goes on in my life and most of the stuff that i wrote about are my frustration towards things that actually goes wrong in my life and that sometimes involves some people. I try to avoid names and stuff but ... well sometimes if you read it correctly you might actually identify the person which is something i don't want to do.
hmmmmm.... yea.. i am not good in expressing myself in words and especially in a F2F conversation so i usually resort to writing and texting. I to avoid actual conversation in anyway possible even when it's work related and especially when it's those that involves heart to heart talks. So my blog becomes my only place to express out all my negetive feelings.
AR for the day... get the emo feeling out of my system. Leech hwaiting~!!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Still friends.
I hate having de javu feelings but sometime it just happens. Been having a lot of discussion about my love life by a lot of people just too many times and as open as i am to the discussion sometimes it gets eerie and odd sometimes. People are just not satisfied until either they get a good explaination or until they get a good scolding which is either me or them.
I need to really make out a good explaination for myself for this else it's going to be hard to conveince people that i'm normal. Let me try to recall what reasons that i've given to others, i will sometime i tell people that ...
On the contrary, some argued that it is because that i've not let go of something or in this case, someone and I always denied this as i don't believe it to be true. But something suddenly strikes me... ... that this statement may actually be true, there is someone occupying that little small space in me ... but the person is not the person whom some believe it to be, is someone else. May be there is just someone whom i cant get over which somehow made me ... ... ... me. Coming to this sometimes i kind of curse myself. Cursing myself to wake up and move on.
I need to really make out a good explaination for myself for this else it's going to be hard to conveince people that i'm normal. Let me try to recall what reasons that i've given to others, i will sometime i tell people that ...
- i have a small heart, i don't have much space to put so much stuff
- there is no "feeling" being developed / arise
- i don't meet much people
- all of my female friends are either attached or married
On the contrary, some argued that it is because that i've not let go of something or in this case, someone and I always denied this as i don't believe it to be true. But something suddenly strikes me... ... that this statement may actually be true, there is someone occupying that little small space in me ... but the person is not the person whom some believe it to be, is someone else. May be there is just someone whom i cant get over which somehow made me ... ... ... me. Coming to this sometimes i kind of curse myself. Cursing myself to wake up and move on.
I always tell people that i don't develop feelings towards anything easily just because i've learned to somehow manage to control how to manipulate my feelings so i can easily overlook certain emotions. The problem comes is when a feeling does arise and when it does, it just sticks there. Having brought up in a family with (as far as i know) were all in a very long relationship and honour loyality, it just make things worse.
Writing this post remind me of a few songs which really suits my current mood and this post...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNh7udqo4Fc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPrkMpPhF3U
Nevertheless... we are, of course, still friends... Yesterday, today and tomorrow... still ... ... just friends.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
101010
10th October 2010... a date that will never repeat itself ever again (unless we live in a Matrix-like world which gets reset whenver something goes wrong) and i had a very happy and wonderful 101010.
First thing first... gratz to Bro ^.^ hahahahaha happy news indeed !!!
Next... .... Well i had a very happy 091010 and 101010 but too bad is that i'm curently too tired to talk about it. I just wanna make a note here that it was magnificant, had a good time catching up and a good laugh. For friendship... cheers~~~
I'll fil in on the details on a later day nitez world
First thing first... gratz to Bro ^.^ hahahahaha happy news indeed !!!
Next... .... Well i had a very happy 091010 and 101010 but too bad is that i'm curently too tired to talk about it. I just wanna make a note here that it was magnificant, had a good time catching up and a good laugh. For friendship... cheers~~~
I'll fil in on the details on a later day nitez world
Saturday, October 02, 2010
Financial suicide
I finally taken the leap of faith and jump of the cliff... the item that i've longed for a very long time is finally in my arms. FYI to those who may not know what was it that i longed for, it was basically a DSLR. Felt the drive into photography a couple of years ago but it wasn't until recently that i felt my photography skill really improved, kudos to my mentors especially Haziezol. Due to my improvement, i felt that my existing model may no longer able to provide me with the photo quality that i seek for, for the shots i wanted..
I've been aiming for a DSLR camera for at least 8 to 12 months and been pushing and pushing further away the dream of gettting the camera. Basically it was due to financial reasons. But recently... just late last week on i finally take the courage to do the unthinkable (at least on my mind it was) to do a financial suicide to throw my savings and bought the camera. And within 4 days after purchasing it, i've shot 1400+ shoots haha ... yea that felt good....
Last weekend program was fantastic...
0830 - 0910 Free shooting
0910 - 1300 Couple portrait shooting
1810 - 23.00 Colleague wedding dinnr
23.00 - 0200 Coffee session
0230 - 0300 bath and waiting for bed...
0600 - wake up... (due to sms haha)
0800 - 0930 Breakfast
1000 - 1230 Badminton ( i was with my camera most of the time)
1400 Reach home ...
1400 - 1600 photo editing + some clicking here and there
1600 - 1840 Zzzzzzzz... (i hardly believe i will sleep actually but i was just drained)
1840 - 2000 Cooking and dinner
2000 - 0000 Continue photo edit + internet clicking :)
Damn it was a tiring weekend but i enjoy every last minute of it ... i wonder what will i do this weekend?? =)
I leave with the mug shoot of myself of the damage that i've induced on myself to remind of myself that I like photoshoot and i should continue pursue it and keep it up.. yea~~
I've been aiming for a DSLR camera for at least 8 to 12 months and been pushing and pushing further away the dream of gettting the camera. Basically it was due to financial reasons. But recently... just late last week on i finally take the courage to do the unthinkable (at least on my mind it was) to do a financial suicide to throw my savings and bought the camera. And within 4 days after purchasing it, i've shot 1400+ shoots haha ... yea that felt good....
Last weekend program was fantastic...
0830 - 0910 Free shooting
0910 - 1300 Couple portrait shooting
1810 - 23.00 Colleague wedding dinnr
23.00 - 0200 Coffee session
0230 - 0300 bath and waiting for bed...
0600 - wake up... (due to sms haha)
0800 - 0930 Breakfast
1000 - 1230 Badminton ( i was with my camera most of the time)
1400 Reach home ...
1400 - 1600 photo editing + some clicking here and there
1600 - 1840 Zzzzzzzz... (i hardly believe i will sleep actually but i was just drained)
1840 - 2000 Cooking and dinner
2000 - 0000 Continue photo edit + internet clicking :)
Damn it was a tiring weekend but i enjoy every last minute of it ... i wonder what will i do this weekend?? =)
I leave with the mug shoot of myself of the damage that i've induced on myself to remind of myself that I like photoshoot and i should continue pursue it and keep it up.. yea~~
Monday, September 20, 2010
Camera -> Kimera -> Chimera
Camera.. camera... camera...
That is what that has been popping around here and there. It has been an endless effort by all to push me into that deep hole and entrap me in the web of mirrors and pixels. No offence, i already own a camera and yes may be it's quite old and the techie-ness is way way off but it's a still a rather good camera and it's been with me for many years.
I use to have an internal battle between a 60D with a 7D... and i finally decided to go with a 7D. Which brings me to the next level of battle. Cash... Cold hard cash. The 7D have a pricy price tag... more than that i earn a month and that is before deducting all the "this and that"s ... and (yes there is another and) that is EXCLUSIVE the lense which could cost me another bundle of "joy" and tears. The cheapest lense, which is the only lense that i can afford now, is the 50mm f/1.8 which cost almost RM300... and the lense which is on my saliva-drooling-wishlist is the 24-70mm f2.8 L USM IS lense which cost approximately 18.2 times of the 50mm. No kidding, it's approximately 18x the price.
A camera is a freaking expensive hobby and i've set foot in it. Damn.... so is there a way that i can escape this fate? Yup.. i don't buy a dSLR in the first place then i'm free~~~ Yes i'm damn tempted to buy but i still need to worry about what i'm gonna eat for the next few weeks right? Damn all of you who only knows how to "promote" but never thinks on my behalf... sigh ....
YES... i am still going to proceed in getting the camera, it's just ... well a matter of time .... and money.... which again translate back into time.... (i can go on and on and on... )
That is what that has been popping around here and there. It has been an endless effort by all to push me into that deep hole and entrap me in the web of mirrors and pixels. No offence, i already own a camera and yes may be it's quite old and the techie-ness is way way off but it's a still a rather good camera and it's been with me for many years.
I use to have an internal battle between a 60D with a 7D... and i finally decided to go with a 7D. Which brings me to the next level of battle. Cash... Cold hard cash. The 7D have a pricy price tag... more than that i earn a month and that is before deducting all the "this and that"s ... and (yes there is another and) that is EXCLUSIVE the lense which could cost me another bundle of "joy" and tears. The cheapest lense, which is the only lense that i can afford now, is the 50mm f/1.8 which cost almost RM300... and the lense which is on my saliva-drooling-wishlist is the 24-70mm f2.8 L USM IS lense which cost approximately 18.2 times of the 50mm. No kidding, it's approximately 18x the price.
A camera is a freaking expensive hobby and i've set foot in it. Damn.... so is there a way that i can escape this fate? Yup.. i don't buy a dSLR in the first place then i'm free~~~ Yes i'm damn tempted to buy but i still need to worry about what i'm gonna eat for the next few weeks right? Damn all of you who only knows how to "promote" but never thinks on my behalf... sigh ....
YES... i am still going to proceed in getting the camera, it's just ... well a matter of time .... and money.... which again translate back into time.... (i can go on and on and on... )
Monday, September 13, 2010
NWO...
As most of you would have noticed by now (or not :p) i spend a lot of time on the internet. Most of the time i will spend my free time "Youtube"-ing on mass variety of topics, from food channel to weapons of destruction to history to myths and legends to educational and even to mind twisting stuff of conspiricies. The internet is a BIG library and if you know where to look, you usually will be able to find a topic of your choice.
Like i was saying, i've been spending a lot of time on Youtube and watch a lot of videos and was thinking ... there has been numerous videos talking about religion especially on Christianity and videos about the Templars and a new topic that most people won't talk about (at least not that i know of) is the thing called the New World Order thingy.
I remember a video from Zeitgeist talking about the Jesus and his resurrection, and there was also something that the video said that got me thinking. If Jesus was indeed a real person and he has make such a great mark in the history of mankind... Why isn't he documented in any orthodox history books? Well i can say the same for other religion such as Buddha but at least i see less of Buddhism or Hinduism being talked about (or criticise) so openly on the world wide web as Christinaity. And one of the most common word i heard (0r seen) in context with this topic will be "FreeMason" and the New World Order.
Sometimes i wonder how true all this could be and how does this impact me in the future... and my answer to this are ... well i don't know. I might not live long enough to actually seeing it occuring or i might not actually care if it did happen. And a food for thought i have after playing Assassins Creed (which also discussed about Templars and NWO related stuff) was.. "Nothing is true and all are permitted". Who knows, maybe nothing is true and we are all living in test tubes in some lab somewhere like in The Matrix or maybe we as human are just some cells in a bigger being. This world and it's wonders are.... infinite... who are we to say what is true and what is not, as 10 lies makes a truth....
Like i was saying, i've been spending a lot of time on Youtube and watch a lot of videos and was thinking ... there has been numerous videos talking about religion especially on Christianity and videos about the Templars and a new topic that most people won't talk about (at least not that i know of) is the thing called the New World Order thingy.
I remember a video from Zeitgeist talking about the Jesus and his resurrection, and there was also something that the video said that got me thinking. If Jesus was indeed a real person and he has make such a great mark in the history of mankind... Why isn't he documented in any orthodox history books? Well i can say the same for other religion such as Buddha but at least i see less of Buddhism or Hinduism being talked about (or criticise) so openly on the world wide web as Christinaity. And one of the most common word i heard (0r seen) in context with this topic will be "FreeMason" and the New World Order.
Sometimes i wonder how true all this could be and how does this impact me in the future... and my answer to this are ... well i don't know. I might not live long enough to actually seeing it occuring or i might not actually care if it did happen. And a food for thought i have after playing Assassins Creed (which also discussed about Templars and NWO related stuff) was.. "Nothing is true and all are permitted". Who knows, maybe nothing is true and we are all living in test tubes in some lab somewhere like in The Matrix or maybe we as human are just some cells in a bigger being. This world and it's wonders are.... infinite... who are we to say what is true and what is not, as 10 lies makes a truth....
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
The fear of 1000 days ahead...
Been to hospital lately and i notice that i was 27 years and 6 months old ... so in another 2 years and 6 months i would have leave the boundaries of 2x and be in the 3x region of my life. Not a pretty number to look at. Sigh... But on the bright side, did you know there is actually a joke about men being refered to as a bottle of wine while women are refered to as flowers? For wine, it taste better with age while flowers withers with age. Been joking with bro about nobody knows how to drink this distictive bottle from the 1983 vintage which was a partial reason that i'm still lonely. Partially... yup... partially... I am not the kind of person who knows what i'm feeling and i've not been putting much effort on feeling lately, a very long ago "lately".
I've been putting a lot of my time, effort and energy on work and recently photo shooting that i've not given any thought on any other things. The other things i mean is on my relationship. Like i was saying in another 2 years and 6 monts i'll be 30 and i'm still the lonely leech that most people knows since high school. As i recall, the last time i actually put or given any thoughts of having a relationship was back in my uni days, which has long left me. It's kind of a culture in my team to start bragging me about having a relationship and every single girl that came in seems to be a kicker for another round of bombardment.
Sometimes i can't help to think that the reason for me not having any thoughts in this is due to my commitment to work or it was due to my lack of emotions or simple due to my ignorance? Seriously, it seems that there is nobody i know nowadays that is able to trigger the urge in me. Well men have to feel the urge before they start to do courting process right? It seems that the last time i even feel attracted to a girl was back in uni... hmmmm.... what is wrong with me? I have no idea, i just know that all my effort are now in work and in photography.
I've been putting a lot of my time, effort and energy on work and recently photo shooting that i've not given any thought on any other things. The other things i mean is on my relationship. Like i was saying in another 2 years and 6 monts i'll be 30 and i'm still the lonely leech that most people knows since high school. As i recall, the last time i actually put or given any thoughts of having a relationship was back in my uni days, which has long left me. It's kind of a culture in my team to start bragging me about having a relationship and every single girl that came in seems to be a kicker for another round of bombardment.
Sometimes i can't help to think that the reason for me not having any thoughts in this is due to my commitment to work or it was due to my lack of emotions or simple due to my ignorance? Seriously, it seems that there is nobody i know nowadays that is able to trigger the urge in me. Well men have to feel the urge before they start to do courting process right? It seems that the last time i even feel attracted to a girl was back in uni... hmmmm.... what is wrong with me? I have no idea, i just know that all my effort are now in work and in photography.
Monday, September 06, 2010
Quickie update ~~
I think i can describe how my week went in 2 simple pictures hehehe ...
So this was me just earlier last week... just stand by (yup i think this is what standby really meant) the table waiting to do work...
And this is me ... later that same week... lying on the table and being "worked on"... hahaha this makes me think, how fragile a human can be... hmmmm ... so here i am on a 8 day MC and recuperating back at home now ... and come to think of it, recuperating can be a painful thing for me... not use to having to rest and rest and rest...
This is my 2nd time taking MC after working for 3 years... hahah so excited...
Anyway too much time in hand ... sigh... so when there are time there are thoughts... Some "Me time" again hahaha
PS: Yup i took this idea from a friend hahahaaa .... XD
So this was me just earlier last week... just stand by (yup i think this is what standby really meant) the table waiting to do work...
And this is me ... later that same week... lying on the table and being "worked on"... hahaha this makes me think, how fragile a human can be... hmmmm ... so here i am on a 8 day MC and recuperating back at home now ... and come to think of it, recuperating can be a painful thing for me... not use to having to rest and rest and rest...This is my 2nd time taking MC after working for 3 years... hahah so excited...
Anyway too much time in hand ... sigh... so when there are time there are thoughts... Some "Me time" again hahaha
PS: Yup i took this idea from a friend hahahaaa .... XD
Monday, August 30, 2010
Travelling ....
Been thinking (and whenever that happens, something is not right) i've been working for 3 years adn 3 months now and ... well... i feel stuck... i'm stuck here and here only... btw i mean our "lovely" country. Most of my friends have did some travelling in their work career but not me... sigh...
My ex-colleagues went travel and biz trip almost immediately after i left, one of them even when Japan for 2 weeks? And my other course mates who joined the same company (but different org) got a chance to travel and they joined later than me...
I don't know why i feel bad about this, may be is because many people ask me about this a lot, for e.g. ...
Friend A: Hey, you didn't travel to US?
Friend B: Ya... When are you going to US??
Me: Er... the things i'm doing will not allow me to travel.
Friend A: Really??? My friend just went to xxxxx for y-months for training.
Friend B: Ya and many of my friends from "W" company got a chance, some even went there couple of times. I thought all US based MNC will travel also to US. Not like that meh?
Me: Er... ... ... ... ... No... ... obviously... #sigh#
I'm not sure how many of you guys have ever been into this kinda awkward situation but i've been in a lot which can be kind of frustrating if you think about it. Well it's a sucky feeling whenever i get this questions.... well i guess that's my life...
My ex-colleagues went travel and biz trip almost immediately after i left, one of them even when Japan for 2 weeks? And my other course mates who joined the same company (but different org) got a chance to travel and they joined later than me...
I don't know why i feel bad about this, may be is because many people ask me about this a lot, for e.g. ...
Friend A: Hey, you didn't travel to US?
Friend B: Ya... When are you going to US??
Me: Er... the things i'm doing will not allow me to travel.
Friend A: Really??? My friend just went to xxxxx for y-months for training.
Friend B: Ya and many of my friends from "W" company got a chance, some even went there couple of times. I thought all US based MNC will travel also to US. Not like that meh?
Me: Er... ... ... ... ... No... ... obviously... #sigh#
I'm not sure how many of you guys have ever been into this kinda awkward situation but i've been in a lot which can be kind of frustrating if you think about it. Well it's a sucky feeling whenever i get this questions.... well i guess that's my life...
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Lappy down~~~
Today has proven as my most unproductive day. Went to lab ar around 7 and switched on my laptop.. i click on scan disk the day before so i allow it to do it thing and i went for my usual coffee. I got back and noticed that it is still running the scan disk thingu so i sat there over my cup of coffee and my magazine and do some reading (which is something i don't usually do even when i have nothing to do at home)... page after page i read... the scan disk thing is still doing it's thing... ... i saw good news.. it's at 98% and as i wait eagerly, i turn another few pages on my magazine and then i noticed that my laptop shut down.. hmmm that's strange, i don't recall the system to shut down after a scan disk... anyway i turn it on and let it load.... ... ... then it happened... everything turned blue... aiks~~~ it's the blue screen. I shut down and turn it on again and there it was again .. damn~~ my HDD crashed...
Took it to IT and got it fix... the diagonastic took another hour because they want to make sure it's the HDD problem and by that time it's almost 11. They say they will need to rebuilt the HDD and will take them 3 hours. Also they will call me when it's done...
Its almost 4pm and i still didn't get their call... i went to IT just to know that they weren't able to get me.. (stupid la with it's lousy reception) and with the restore and mumbo jumbo it finally dragged m till 6pm... there goes my day...
A whole day of nothingness.. no work, no progress, and no update... and whenever i have time i'll think of something and whenever i think of something i ended up feeling down and blue just like that blue screen... what am i doing in the team anyway??? My boss doesn't seems to appreciate me and to make it worse i felt being de-appreciated by my former boss to my new boss... if i'm that not important then why have me in the first place? Like the name suggest... it's Legacy "lei gau si" (in direct translation, it meant "your shit") so that is who i am.. the shit collector...
Took it to IT and got it fix... the diagonastic took another hour because they want to make sure it's the HDD problem and by that time it's almost 11. They say they will need to rebuilt the HDD and will take them 3 hours. Also they will call me when it's done...
Its almost 4pm and i still didn't get their call... i went to IT just to know that they weren't able to get me.. (stupid la with it's lousy reception) and with the restore and mumbo jumbo it finally dragged m till 6pm... there goes my day...
A whole day of nothingness.. no work, no progress, and no update... and whenever i have time i'll think of something and whenever i think of something i ended up feeling down and blue just like that blue screen... what am i doing in the team anyway??? My boss doesn't seems to appreciate me and to make it worse i felt being de-appreciated by my former boss to my new boss... if i'm that not important then why have me in the first place? Like the name suggest... it's Legacy "lei gau si" (in direct translation, it meant "your shit") so that is who i am.. the shit collector...
Monday, August 02, 2010
MIA...
THis is a common title that i put in my blog... but what to do... i'm engaged lately...
...
... ...
... ... ...
no i'm not "engaged" engaged.. i'm just occupied.
I've been away to Yogyakarta few weeks back (and i'm now still working on getting the photos up >.<) then i was all tied up with work, since i was away for a whole week. Then all hell broke loose when Chris gimme the crack to my long awaited Assassins Creed 2. I got the game for over a month now but i was not able to crack it so it was lying ideal in my desktop and now .. wuakakakakak i'm stressing it everynight (not only my PC but i'm also suffering coz of it hahahaha ) which in turn cause the super delay in my photo editing and uploading
Over the weekend i notice that my phone went dead... yes it is DEAD~!!!! the batteries went flat and i wan't able to charge it .. damnit!!!! My Diamond is dead .. wt... .... hell!!!
Today ... yes today....
I went to QB to send to the shop and that cost me RM150 and now ... Well my house seems to be powerless.. literally ... there is no power in my apartment so i'm forced to stay in my friend's place ..
Ain't my day indeed... sigh....
I wanna go home :'(
...
... ...
... ... ...
no i'm not "engaged" engaged.. i'm just occupied.
I've been away to Yogyakarta few weeks back (and i'm now still working on getting the photos up >.<) then i was all tied up with work, since i was away for a whole week. Then all hell broke loose when Chris gimme the crack to my long awaited Assassins Creed 2. I got the game for over a month now but i was not able to crack it so it was lying ideal in my desktop and now .. wuakakakakak i'm stressing it everynight (not only my PC but i'm also suffering coz of it hahahaha ) which in turn cause the super delay in my photo editing and uploading
Over the weekend i notice that my phone went dead... yes it is DEAD~!!!! the batteries went flat and i wan't able to charge it .. damnit!!!! My Diamond is dead .. wt... .... hell!!!
Today ... yes today....
I went to QB to send to the shop and that cost me RM150 and now ... Well my house seems to be powerless.. literally ... there is no power in my apartment so i'm forced to stay in my friend's place ..
Ain't my day indeed... sigh....
I wanna go home :'(
Saturday, July 03, 2010
The future is in ... ... whose hand?
I have to admit that i am no pious person and i am a strong believer that you have the power to determine and shape your future. Yet... sometime i can't help to think that there is somebody up there who guides me and even grant me my wish to accomplish my goal.
There are many times in my life where i feel like giving up as i see my goal slip further and further away from me yet something happen and give me hope again. That my goal of mine is still within my graps if i work harder and push harder for it and i did. During the few times that i fell, hurt and bleed... i almost went thru something equivalent to hell to me and i climb back up. I work hard to accomplish the goals that i've set for myself.
But on the personal side... "He" has not given me much on the relationship area. All my hopes and achievement that i've wanted was achieved but never when it came to relationship. From normal friends to that special some one... i sux when it comes to human to human relationship as I am very good in screwing up my relationship with people around me.
Again... now i have another dream and achievement that i wish to achieve... will You give me that same support that You have given to me previously? I no longer have any hope for a relationship thus i will take this as the principle of equivalent trade... to trade my life for a happy relationship for a life of great achievement... can i do it just like how i've did it previously? Only time will tell ....
There are many times in my life where i feel like giving up as i see my goal slip further and further away from me yet something happen and give me hope again. That my goal of mine is still within my graps if i work harder and push harder for it and i did. During the few times that i fell, hurt and bleed... i almost went thru something equivalent to hell to me and i climb back up. I work hard to accomplish the goals that i've set for myself.
But on the personal side... "He" has not given me much on the relationship area. All my hopes and achievement that i've wanted was achieved but never when it came to relationship. From normal friends to that special some one... i sux when it comes to human to human relationship as I am very good in screwing up my relationship with people around me.
Again... now i have another dream and achievement that i wish to achieve... will You give me that same support that You have given to me previously? I no longer have any hope for a relationship thus i will take this as the principle of equivalent trade... to trade my life for a happy relationship for a life of great achievement... can i do it just like how i've did it previously? Only time will tell ....
Thursday, June 17, 2010
You to the world
Was explaining something to my buddy at work today when it suddenly strike me... something rather random and yet seem so sensable. Silly yet meaningful. I believe i have similar thoughts before but today.... ... today it seems so much sensable when i think about it maybe due to chain effect that happened after that. I spend almost 2 hours in the club house playing Wii with my colleagues and after that i came home, with an empty stomach just to know that my housemates are not at home... tired, hungry and lonely... best combo.
Well the question that came to the piece of muscle in my head, a.k.a my brain, was.... What is my value to the people around me? It seems that the only other person in this world, besides me, who actually cares about me are my parents ... and occasionally my brother. So who am i to everyone else? It just seems that, after working hours is over, i'm only as valuable the Sodium Chloride molucule in the sea... with or without that molucule, the sea is still that salty and it ain't going to be that much saltier with me. I am only seen as valuable when it's office hours and when somebody need help with something. Yup... as valuable as the handy man.
I can't help but to feel that the closest "family" i have here are in fact my colleagues but they are only my colleagues from 8 - 5.30 or the occasional additional OT hours. But that's that... at the end of the day, they have someone who will wait for them to either come home to or to call and to say "Hi". There is just that somebody ... whom sadly to say, i don't have. My parents are 400km away and ... and... er... well... that's all ... i guess...
It is times like this that i wish that i don't feel anything at all. I feel like there is a gap in my current life. And whenever this topic pops up... the next thing that will come is THAT question / statement again... "CH, get a girlfriend la... dun just always stay in lab, you not getting younger ".. blah , blah , blah.... It's not that i don't want to find but it ain't exactly a walk in the park right? You will wish to choose your Ms Right, so she will want to choose her Mr. Right too so... are you that Mr. Right to your so called Ms Right? Well let's not go there and back to my question...
...what do you think your value are to this world? All i know is... in this island called Penang, it is dirt cheap...
Well the question that came to the piece of muscle in my head, a.k.a my brain, was.... What is my value to the people around me? It seems that the only other person in this world, besides me, who actually cares about me are my parents ... and occasionally my brother. So who am i to everyone else? It just seems that, after working hours is over, i'm only as valuable the Sodium Chloride molucule in the sea... with or without that molucule, the sea is still that salty and it ain't going to be that much saltier with me. I am only seen as valuable when it's office hours and when somebody need help with something. Yup... as valuable as the handy man.
I can't help but to feel that the closest "family" i have here are in fact my colleagues but they are only my colleagues from 8 - 5.30 or the occasional additional OT hours. But that's that... at the end of the day, they have someone who will wait for them to either come home to or to call and to say "Hi". There is just that somebody ... whom sadly to say, i don't have. My parents are 400km away and ... and... er... well... that's all ... i guess...
It is times like this that i wish that i don't feel anything at all. I feel like there is a gap in my current life. And whenever this topic pops up... the next thing that will come is THAT question / statement again... "CH, get a girlfriend la... dun just always stay in lab, you not getting younger ".. blah , blah , blah.... It's not that i don't want to find but it ain't exactly a walk in the park right? You will wish to choose your Ms Right, so she will want to choose her Mr. Right too so... are you that Mr. Right to your so called Ms Right? Well let's not go there and back to my question...
...what do you think your value are to this world? All i know is... in this island called Penang, it is dirt cheap...
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Bro...
Am I a caring person? Do I sometimes care too much about someone? Do I sometimes take too much initiative to help people ?
Well that's just something random, so feel free to ignore it. Was chit chatting with some friends today over these messenger and had a funny experience (well it was kinda funny to me). I had two of my friends called (or should i say treat) me as Big Bro.
hmmm....
Well may be that has some truth to it i guess. Sometimes I think I tend care too much about someone that i feel that i'm over doing it and to others, it might look like i'm being "too nice" to these people as most of the time i'm so called "extra nice" to females. But thanks to my dullness and numbness in emotion, most of the time if not all the time all i am to these people i'm just the Big Bro who they can come to when they have problems.
I wonder ... if i were to take more initiative in making more "courting" other than just caring... i wonder .... ... ... ...
Well that's just something random, so feel free to ignore it. Was chit chatting with some friends today over these messenger and had a funny experience (well it was kinda funny to me). I had two of my friends called (or should i say treat) me as Big Bro.
hmmm....
Well may be that has some truth to it i guess. Sometimes I think I tend care too much about someone that i feel that i'm over doing it and to others, it might look like i'm being "too nice" to these people as most of the time i'm so called "extra nice" to females. But thanks to my dullness and numbness in emotion, most of the time if not all the time all i am to these people i'm just the Big Bro who they can come to when they have problems.
I wonder ... if i were to take more initiative in making more "courting" other than just caring... i wonder .... ... ... ...
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Another level
Another year, another brother step forward into a new phase in life. Yesterday my 22 years buddy tied his knot with his beloved and end his bachelor-hood days.
I was there whole day trying my best to help him out to the best i could ...
... funny things is ... there is basically nothing more that i wish to say here, which is kind of odd...
Have a beautiful new life CCC ....
I was there whole day trying my best to help him out to the best i could ...
... funny things is ... there is basically nothing more that i wish to say here, which is kind of odd...
Have a beautiful new life CCC ....
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
What if....
What if” is such a nice word. It just pulls together all the possible outcome and make force you to think of the possibilities which in most cases are the more beautiful ending cases. And then you start to regret for not doing the “what if” stuff. This is how ironic we as human are, whenever we do a “looking back” session we will have all these “what if”s coming up and then we’ll have all these “regrets” which is too little too late.
Awhile back, I was driving by Queens Bay where I saw this beautiful rainbow. Then when I parked my car by the roadside and looked up I saw a beautiful angle to take a very beautiful photo where the rainbow was perfectly visible just above the in between the triangle in a lightly darken evening 7pm sky with the street light and if I have a filter to make the street light shoots out like star then it will be almost too perfect. The only problem is… … … I don’t have my camera with me. What if I have taken my camera with me and put it in my car the day before, I used to have the habit of bring it along with me but not anymore, and then this could almost be a picture perfect photo… sigh…
This actually brings me to another incident where I can’t help to think “What if” …
What if I have taken initiative to study harder or to get to know more people, who will I be today? Well let's face it, my capability towards knowledge is only up this limit so the question remain, what if i took more initiative to get to more people, namely girls. Would I still be single, available and desperate a.k.a S.A.D today? I can't help to think that there might have been a chance for me back in my uni days but I guess I've blown it by being me... I didn't take any initiative in relationship just because I kept telling myself that good things will not happen to me and that I am only second best if not the third to others. What if i have make move ? What if I have maintained close contact ?
What if...
what if indeed... ... its too little too late now as it's all history. The "she" has graduted and I've left uni for 3 years, if the "what if" were to happen it would have happened long ago right? And me... I'm still the brat that I was 3 years ago, still naive, stupid and childish inside and on the outside, I'm serious, responsible and the unbeatable iron bangla.
I'm 27 this year and my friends is getting married one by one, do i feel the pressure of being single? Not really, may be work has dulled my senses but being single doesn't sounds or seems that bad besides the usual lonely and solitude nights or when you have tonnes of things to blurt out but nobody to listens to. Other than that, I'm still ok with my life.... the question is, for how much longer? I tell myself that I need to change, I tell myselt that this life of mine is a hazard and I tell myself I need to take control of my private life more but they are only words, words which I care less about.
For me, myself and I... ... have a happy cold and lonesome night, today... tomorrow ... and who knows, till my d_ _ _ g days??? Hahahahahaha.... cheers~~
Awhile back, I was driving by Queens Bay where I saw this beautiful rainbow. Then when I parked my car by the roadside and looked up I saw a beautiful angle to take a very beautiful photo where the rainbow was perfectly visible just above the in between the triangle in a lightly darken evening 7pm sky with the street light and if I have a filter to make the street light shoots out like star then it will be almost too perfect. The only problem is… … … I don’t have my camera with me. What if I have taken my camera with me and put it in my car the day before, I used to have the habit of bring it along with me but not anymore, and then this could almost be a picture perfect photo… sigh…
This actually brings me to another incident where I can’t help to think “What if” …
What if I have taken initiative to study harder or to get to know more people, who will I be today? Well let's face it, my capability towards knowledge is only up this limit so the question remain, what if i took more initiative to get to more people, namely girls. Would I still be single, available and desperate a.k.a S.A.D today? I can't help to think that there might have been a chance for me back in my uni days but I guess I've blown it by being me... I didn't take any initiative in relationship just because I kept telling myself that good things will not happen to me and that I am only second best if not the third to others. What if i have make move ? What if I have maintained close contact ?
What if...
what if indeed... ... its too little too late now as it's all history. The "she" has graduted and I've left uni for 3 years, if the "what if" were to happen it would have happened long ago right? And me... I'm still the brat that I was 3 years ago, still naive, stupid and childish inside and on the outside, I'm serious, responsible and the unbeatable iron bangla.
I'm 27 this year and my friends is getting married one by one, do i feel the pressure of being single? Not really, may be work has dulled my senses but being single doesn't sounds or seems that bad besides the usual lonely and solitude nights or when you have tonnes of things to blurt out but nobody to listens to. Other than that, I'm still ok with my life.... the question is, for how much longer? I tell myself that I need to change, I tell myselt that this life of mine is a hazard and I tell myself I need to take control of my private life more but they are only words, words which I care less about.
For me, myself and I... ... have a happy cold and lonesome night, today... tomorrow ... and who knows, till my d_ _ _ g days??? Hahahahahaha.... cheers~~
Monday, May 24, 2010
Pine view
Another PRQ for company "I"... and initially we were promised a little lappy for each of us who participated... but in the end, all we got was the Easten wind. Anyway there was a celebration dinner last friday in Gurney Hotel and there was a lucky draw of the little Pine for 40 lucky winners... and no, i didn't manage to win it... but i got myself a prize as the organizer said that everyone will walk away with something.
Talking about the dinner, i am really frustrated with my camera's battery (i almost say camera but i know i can't) , it can no longer store charges... less than 100 shots and the battery dies on me. I really need new one else i'm stranded... I got a rather good camera but no batteries, how pathetic can you go??
Now i'm waiting for my prize... hopefully Zol remember to bring it tomorrow haha... itchy hand again hahahha ....
Talking about the dinner, i am really frustrated with my camera's battery (i almost say camera but i know i can't) , it can no longer store charges... less than 100 shots and the battery dies on me. I really need new one else i'm stranded... I got a rather good camera but no batteries, how pathetic can you go??
Now i'm waiting for my prize... hopefully Zol remember to bring it tomorrow haha... itchy hand again hahahha ....
Thursday, May 13, 2010
730 days in "I"
I can't believe how time has flew me by. Today marks the 2nd year that i've been with the "I" corperation. Althought i've been on board for 2 years but on the record i've only been there for 18 months. And in about 2 weeks time it will be my 3rd year working as an engineer not to mention to graduate from uni. These 3 years has been rather kind to me in terms of work. I have made many good friends and have many good colleagues in a good and condusive working environment. As a colleague of mine said "If you get good colleagues, consider yourself lucky. If you get bad colleagues consider that as normal."
Lets have a quick recap of what i've endured during this 3 years... ... ... ... i have experience super long working hours, and er ... erm... ar... well can't actually think if anything else i guess. After moving to Penang, it's been rather a different life. I have to tend to everything myself and i have nobody to tell me what to do. And how do i use all this freedom, i spend them at work. I work till it's nobody's business from early morning till very late at nite just to go back the lab early again the next day. Unlike when i was still in KL where i will most certainly reach home at certain hours of night.
Is this the proper life of an engineer? And in this 3 years i have learn a few myths related to engineering
1- Work life effectiveness... this term has been nothing much but a myth to me.
2- Engineers have very high pay ; depends on which line of engineering you are talk about basically
3- Engineers can fix virtually anything; hv you have friends who ask you to fix their TV just because you've worked in a TV factory?
4- Engineers are "kayu"; which i totally disagree coz i crack a lot of stupid jokes and most of the time it works... ...
5- Engineers are good with numbers; hmmm.. not me at least
All i can say is that, many people can study engineering but not all who graduate wants to be an engineer and those who wants to be an engineer, not all of them can be an engineer. Most importantly, those who can be an enginner not all will remained an engineer. So where does that leaves me?? I still like what i'm doing , being involved with technology and stuff... but until when? I wonder what will i say when i reach my 3rd year in this organization ... .... anticipating i guess...
Happy anniversary Leech...
by
The Leech....
^.^
Lets have a quick recap of what i've endured during this 3 years... ... ... ... i have experience super long working hours, and er ... erm... ar... well can't actually think if anything else i guess. After moving to Penang, it's been rather a different life. I have to tend to everything myself and i have nobody to tell me what to do. And how do i use all this freedom, i spend them at work. I work till it's nobody's business from early morning till very late at nite just to go back the lab early again the next day. Unlike when i was still in KL where i will most certainly reach home at certain hours of night.
Is this the proper life of an engineer? And in this 3 years i have learn a few myths related to engineering
1- Work life effectiveness... this term has been nothing much but a myth to me.
2- Engineers have very high pay ; depends on which line of engineering you are talk about basically
3- Engineers can fix virtually anything; hv you have friends who ask you to fix their TV just because you've worked in a TV factory?
4- Engineers are "kayu"; which i totally disagree coz i crack a lot of stupid jokes and most of the time it works... ...
5- Engineers are good with numbers; hmmm.. not me at least
All i can say is that, many people can study engineering but not all who graduate wants to be an engineer and those who wants to be an engineer, not all of them can be an engineer. Most importantly, those who can be an enginner not all will remained an engineer. So where does that leaves me?? I still like what i'm doing , being involved with technology and stuff... but until when? I wonder what will i say when i reach my 3rd year in this organization ... .... anticipating i guess...
Happy anniversary Leech...
by
The Leech....
^.^
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Working Life Blues
Waking up on a cloudy day
I start to think it’s not my day
But here’s the sun after the rain
I guess the day aren’t such a pain
Weekends gone since yesterday
OMG here comes Monday
Need to wait another 5 days
To wait again for my holiday
Productivity increase at a slower rate
There is nothing I can do to escape this fate
What do you expect on a Monday
Email been piling up since Friday
Monday gone and its Tuesday
Work resume like any other normal day
Working additional hours to close some case
To some its just piece of cake
Tuesday went buy relatively smooth
Nothing compares to my Monday blues
Still there is nothing to contain my lazy ooze
Trying hard not to go to snooze
Tuesday gone for another day
OMG it’s now Wednesday
Half the week has pass me by
Its just left without saying goodbye
Wednesday is a day for rejoicing
Only half the week is left remaining
Counting down the number of days
For another weekend for my holiday
When the sun is away
The moon comes out to play
When the sun comes out the following day
Guess what… .. .. Its now Thursday
Today’s mood is just so-so
Anticipating the day call tomorrow
Work in hand today it must go
Else it’ll pile up and start to grow
Guess the weather, wind and day
What the hell,… today is Friday
There can’t be any better day
Bye-bye work here comes holiday
Working on Friday is such a pain
Work to rush yet can’t concentrate
Hope there’s no surprises and no rain
Counting down the clock to go celebrate
Chillaxing for the next two nights
Some booze to a level they might get into fights
While some indulge in activities to their delights
But I just wanna rest cause I’ve earn the rights
Sunday evening is a gloomy hour
Thinking of it makes me sour
Why is Friday so close to Monday?
It’s time for another cycle of a blue, blue day.
I start to think it’s not my day
But here’s the sun after the rain
I guess the day aren’t such a pain
Weekends gone since yesterday
OMG here comes Monday
Need to wait another 5 days
To wait again for my holiday
Productivity increase at a slower rate
There is nothing I can do to escape this fate
What do you expect on a Monday
Email been piling up since Friday
Monday gone and its Tuesday
Work resume like any other normal day
Working additional hours to close some case
To some its just piece of cake
Tuesday went buy relatively smooth
Nothing compares to my Monday blues
Still there is nothing to contain my lazy ooze
Trying hard not to go to snooze
Tuesday gone for another day
OMG it’s now Wednesday
Half the week has pass me by
Its just left without saying goodbye
Wednesday is a day for rejoicing
Only half the week is left remaining
Counting down the number of days
For another weekend for my holiday
When the sun is away
The moon comes out to play
When the sun comes out the following day
Guess what… .. .. Its now Thursday
Today’s mood is just so-so
Anticipating the day call tomorrow
Work in hand today it must go
Else it’ll pile up and start to grow
Guess the weather, wind and day
What the hell,… today is Friday
There can’t be any better day
Bye-bye work here comes holiday
Working on Friday is such a pain
Work to rush yet can’t concentrate
Hope there’s no surprises and no rain
Counting down the clock to go celebrate
Chillaxing for the next two nights
Some booze to a level they might get into fights
While some indulge in activities to their delights
But I just wanna rest cause I’ve earn the rights
Sunday evening is a gloomy hour
Thinking of it makes me sour
Why is Friday so close to Monday?
It’s time for another cycle of a blue, blue day.
From the Pages of the Pathetic Poet
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Photo shoot out ~~
Just had a photo shoot out with CCL and Zol. I have my camera before both of them and yet they seem to be more professional than me :( i guess your skills can be cap by the limitation of your gear ... ish ish ish... well since i'm broke then i think there's nothing much that can tempt me into buying a new camera gear hehehe ....
Well it's almost like each time CCL comes to Penang, all we do are just to stay at home and play game but this time its different. He got himself a camera and Penang is a damn good place to take photo. Mountain, sea, forest, old buildings.. u name it i think Penang has it... so this trip of his has turned into a photo shooting trip. Well i think he likes it and so do i... it feels great to be out from the house and from work once awhile. Not to mention i did felt more emotionally relax after that trip ^.^
well to those who are interested in seeing my photographic shame, it's all here so fel free to drop by and comment ^.^
Well it's almost like each time CCL comes to Penang, all we do are just to stay at home and play game but this time its different. He got himself a camera and Penang is a damn good place to take photo. Mountain, sea, forest, old buildings.. u name it i think Penang has it... so this trip of his has turned into a photo shooting trip. Well i think he likes it and so do i... it feels great to be out from the house and from work once awhile. Not to mention i did felt more emotionally relax after that trip ^.^
well to those who are interested in seeing my photographic shame, it's all here so fel free to drop by and comment ^.^
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Jobs, Life, and Relationship
A mirror, glass, or mere a crystal. That is who i have been recently at work. I've been more invisible that i ever notice recently. Does that bothers me? Not really. Since i can remember, i've never able to keep a good relationship with anyone for any reason for any period longer than the project. This is the reason that i always label myself as the unknown, unheard and unseen.
I'll be good with you on the project basis due to job requirement, the job then destroy my life and later i will ruin the relationship between you and I. That is what i'm good at.
I"ve never good in conveying feelings because i have little if not none. I see things as plain and simple as i can and could just avoid myself from having let downs. I usually give people cold shoulders so they will give up trying to get to know me. I'm basically making myself unapproachable after work because you will just get fed up with me ...
I'll be good with you on the project basis due to job requirement, the job then destroy my life and later i will ruin the relationship between you and I. That is what i'm good at.
I"ve never good in conveying feelings because i have little if not none. I see things as plain and simple as i can and could just avoid myself from having let downs. I usually give people cold shoulders so they will give up trying to get to know me. I'm basically making myself unapproachable after work because you will just get fed up with me ...
Monday, March 22, 2010
Setting priorities
Was reading this post on the papers today and was thinking... what priorities? I've spend too much time on my priorities that i've forgotten about relationship. It was my priorities that made me so numb on the emotional side... but still, i argee on the topic.
I have friends (A) who their significant other stays with them during our years in college and uni. And i have other friends (B) who actually imply that it is impossible that they've not "done" anything throughtout their relationship period. Seriously i would trust my (A) friends thinking they won't just simply because i think i won't and i trust their character, yet what my (B) friends said is not completly without base. "Don't tell me you don't feel curious or urge to do it?" , well this is the claim actually. Human beings are a bunch of curious nutcases..
As my other friends imply, there is no such thing as accidents... its either planned or unplanned. That's it... well i think hugging and kissing is kinda of a norm in a relationship but i still think kissing public is not totally accepted yet. I'm ok with the scene, hugging and kissing. just that i still prefer not to see a kissing scene unless it's a special occasion.
I have friends (A) who their significant other stays with them during our years in college and uni. And i have other friends (B) who actually imply that it is impossible that they've not "done" anything throughtout their relationship period. Seriously i would trust my (A) friends thinking they won't just simply because i think i won't and i trust their character, yet what my (B) friends said is not completly without base. "Don't tell me you don't feel curious or urge to do it?" , well this is the claim actually. Human beings are a bunch of curious nutcases..
As my other friends imply, there is no such thing as accidents... its either planned or unplanned. That's it... well i think hugging and kissing is kinda of a norm in a relationship but i still think kissing public is not totally accepted yet. I'm ok with the scene, hugging and kissing. just that i still prefer not to see a kissing scene unless it's a special occasion.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The meaning of my blogging activities
I notice that i've been doing a lot of blogging lately, i think almost 3 post a week which is rather high for me. I mean i use to blog daily but that was during my school days and when i started working my blogging frequency just reduce dramatically. Which actually got me thinking ... ... usually when i start to blog it because i have a lot of thoughts in my head and also due to the reason i have not many person whom i can share it with, i usually end up scribbing it out here and share it with the rest of the world.
How many of you have a problem of finding someone to talk to, either via msn/YM/Gtalk etc or thru a phone call ?? Most of the people i know, well at least i feel, don't have this problem. Most people i know have another "half" whom they can share their thoughts, or have buddies who they can share (again... i think). As for me... seriously i don't want to go to the "You don't know me" or the "You don't understand me" arguement because one of the reason you don't understand me is because i don't tell you much about me. This is something that i got lectured a lot by a lot of friends. Yet i've not done much to change that.
I have a poker face that don't have much facial expression (other than the "duh" look or the "please kill me" look that i always show to others) and i don't have much emotions either. I can be smiling but i'm may not be happy, i can frown but i might be sad ... this to add on to my lack of friends is really pushing me further and further away from humanity sometimes.
Is it easier to share your "un-happiness" with a friend from the opposite gender? Sometimes i want to find a girl to talk to other than a guy ... may be is because i want to feel the gentle kindness that is so hard to get from a guy. Problem is... there ain't so many female friends around for me to find and talk to. And those who are around... well sorry to say that i'm not close enough to them that i wish to share with them.
So here i am, talking to myself on the world wide web... writing a blog containing all my mixed feelings and emotions into cyberspace. Coming to this, i really wonder, what will i do if the Internet was never brought up?
How many of you have a problem of finding someone to talk to, either via msn/YM/Gtalk etc or thru a phone call ?? Most of the people i know, well at least i feel, don't have this problem. Most people i know have another "half" whom they can share their thoughts, or have buddies who they can share (again... i think). As for me... seriously i don't want to go to the "You don't know me" or the "You don't understand me" arguement because one of the reason you don't understand me is because i don't tell you much about me. This is something that i got lectured a lot by a lot of friends. Yet i've not done much to change that.
I have a poker face that don't have much facial expression (other than the "duh" look or the "please kill me" look that i always show to others) and i don't have much emotions either. I can be smiling but i'm may not be happy, i can frown but i might be sad ... this to add on to my lack of friends is really pushing me further and further away from humanity sometimes.
Is it easier to share your "un-happiness" with a friend from the opposite gender? Sometimes i want to find a girl to talk to other than a guy ... may be is because i want to feel the gentle kindness that is so hard to get from a guy. Problem is... there ain't so many female friends around for me to find and talk to. And those who are around... well sorry to say that i'm not close enough to them that i wish to share with them.
So here i am, talking to myself on the world wide web... writing a blog containing all my mixed feelings and emotions into cyberspace. Coming to this, i really wonder, what will i do if the Internet was never brought up?
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Law of Attraction
This law goes something like, if u want it, and dream and hope for it strong eoungh it, it will happen (or something like that) ... hmmmm..... well i've not doubting this so called law as i have my fair share of hopes and achievements.
I went to my diploma setting a goal that i must graduate with a min pointer of 2.6 and i got it. As i move on to my degree, i told myself i must graduate with a min pointer of 3.0, i got that too. Of course i've worked my ass off for the results but i did get what i want. This are the only two examples that i could think of for now. So yes, i want it hard enough and i got it. For my other examples, it doesn't run far away from work or school related, nothing much on the personal aspects of life.
I've never thought of getting in a relationship until i graduate from high school, so throughout those period (which happen to be among my best moment of my life) i've never put any thoughts into relationship. And come to think of it, if i had i might not be Mr. Lonely till today. Coming into my adulthood... I think the law still applies, i mean till today i doubt that i've put in much thought about getting a partner. If i had i might have one by now right? Or is it due the fact that there is nobody around that is able to start the spark in me? Should i focus more on my working self or should i start focusing on personal self? I'm 27 now and i'm already seeing a lot of my friends from my school days getting married or engaged or at least in a healthy relationship.
I went to my diploma setting a goal that i must graduate with a min pointer of 2.6 and i got it. As i move on to my degree, i told myself i must graduate with a min pointer of 3.0, i got that too. Of course i've worked my ass off for the results but i did get what i want. This are the only two examples that i could think of for now. So yes, i want it hard enough and i got it. For my other examples, it doesn't run far away from work or school related, nothing much on the personal aspects of life.
I've never thought of getting in a relationship until i graduate from high school, so throughout those period (which happen to be among my best moment of my life) i've never put any thoughts into relationship. And come to think of it, if i had i might not be Mr. Lonely till today. Coming into my adulthood... I think the law still applies, i mean till today i doubt that i've put in much thought about getting a partner. If i had i might have one by now right? Or is it due the fact that there is nobody around that is able to start the spark in me? Should i focus more on my working self or should i start focusing on personal self? I'm 27 now and i'm already seeing a lot of my friends from my school days getting married or engaged or at least in a healthy relationship.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Borthering thoughts
I'm having a thought today... a thought that has even kept me from sleeping. I try to take a nap today, which is something i don't do very much as i don't take naps unless i'm sick. Anyway i went to my bed, lie down and amazingly i really fell asleep... well almost. Whenever i'm heading into the sleeping region... i'll wake up almost violently and this went on until i give up taking my nap.
Anyway back to my thought today... somehow i keep thinking to myself... Why did i quit my last job and come here? I used to have a quite fun, entertaining and rather carefree job, i give it up for a hectic, stressful and unhealthy job?? Well the pay was not as attractive as the pay i'm getting now but at least i had a life back then. I can still manage to find time to do some catching up with friends after work. Sigh... ... ... what have i done? Did i choose a wrong path somewhere along the way? Life is too beautiful for it to be going this way... and like EH like to say, "Live your life well as you will die for very long."
Back in my old job, on a Saturday and Sunday i will be shaking my butt in front of a desktop playing game or chit chatting with a friend over MSN or i might even be out having a drink. Yet nowadays i'm sitting in front of my laptop looking at my work or sometimes even going back to the lab on a beautiful Saturday/Sunday, and now ... even gaming doesn't sounds as appealing as it used to... Why? What am i doing wrong? What is wrong with me? I cant help to think that this job is catching up to me, taking my sanity away, bit by bit, day by day....
I need to do something about this job or i'll have to leave this job in search of something else .... it'll be my second year in this place this May and i think i've lost more of my personality and sanity than i can imagine. It's not kidding when they call this place the pressure cooker as i'm having sleepless nights, i'm get jumpy from time to time and sometimes.... i just feel that even breathing can be a burden as sometimes i find it very difficult to breath at work... I am handling something that is beyond my capabilities, my stress management is no longer sufficient for my current stress status and i can only imagine that the stress level can and will only increases and not decreases. Will i break down first or will i be able to break this cycle... only time will tell and only i will know the outcome .
Well i'm off to bed ... hopefully i won't have this abrupt waking ups again.... tomorrow is another day in the "lab"rinth... Nite~~
Anyway back to my thought today... somehow i keep thinking to myself... Why did i quit my last job and come here? I used to have a quite fun, entertaining and rather carefree job, i give it up for a hectic, stressful and unhealthy job?? Well the pay was not as attractive as the pay i'm getting now but at least i had a life back then. I can still manage to find time to do some catching up with friends after work. Sigh... ... ... what have i done? Did i choose a wrong path somewhere along the way? Life is too beautiful for it to be going this way... and like EH like to say, "Live your life well as you will die for very long."
Back in my old job, on a Saturday and Sunday i will be shaking my butt in front of a desktop playing game or chit chatting with a friend over MSN or i might even be out having a drink. Yet nowadays i'm sitting in front of my laptop looking at my work or sometimes even going back to the lab on a beautiful Saturday/Sunday, and now ... even gaming doesn't sounds as appealing as it used to... Why? What am i doing wrong? What is wrong with me? I cant help to think that this job is catching up to me, taking my sanity away, bit by bit, day by day....
I need to do something about this job or i'll have to leave this job in search of something else .... it'll be my second year in this place this May and i think i've lost more of my personality and sanity than i can imagine. It's not kidding when they call this place the pressure cooker as i'm having sleepless nights, i'm get jumpy from time to time and sometimes.... i just feel that even breathing can be a burden as sometimes i find it very difficult to breath at work... I am handling something that is beyond my capabilities, my stress management is no longer sufficient for my current stress status and i can only imagine that the stress level can and will only increases and not decreases. Will i break down first or will i be able to break this cycle... only time will tell and only i will know the outcome .
Well i'm off to bed ... hopefully i won't have this abrupt waking ups again.... tomorrow is another day in the "lab"rinth... Nite~~
Meaningful Sat
A big WOW and a pat at the back for the Leech. I've spend less than 2 hours today in front of my PC (minus the time now tat is). It's been such an eventful Saturday, a Saturday that i don't think i've ever had since... erm... erm... er... may be since my days in Uni... or not, but today is very eventful that i really need to write it down to remind myself this is how life should be lived and not endured.
Work up about 620am this morning but i went to bed at 140am so it's kinda blur for awhile, to get ready for a football match. Please note that i don't event play football, i don't even play any forms of sports... i only agreed to go because it's some sort of ateam departmental social gathering and i wanted to go to snap some photos. Not to mention i'm holding Czet's water bottle as he left it in the lab the previous night.
So i got there, late... i left my wallet home and i was already at the 5th floor... anyway.. i got to USM field and i'm already seeing some of them warming up. What seems to be a 4 on 4 quickly turned into a 5 on 5 when Chun Sion arrived, to make the number even i agreed to join. Me as playing football, i think the last time i actually played was somewhere in early Form4 which was some time around 11 years ago. During the 1st half it was 1:1 and later in the 2nd half it was 3:3, i can't remember who scored but i do remember that 1 of the goals was by Jeff, it was an own goal... hehehehe... well after the match we went for breakfast and boy do we look like some middle aged men. We were at a coffee shop sipping from our cups with some reading the papers and we were talking about the recent news and some history lesson...
After breakfast i went to the Tesco for some shopping as i'm low on food supply and after spending another 2 hours (i think is 2 hours, i didn't actually keep track) i went home and i was beat... i think i feel better last week even after that hike. Well i got home and washed my dirty shoes and just before i could go for my bath, my housemate told me that they are planning for a steamboat later tonight. So we went for another round of shopping, this time at the wet market. We got back and we started preparing the food. And i don't mind telling you that we just finish cleaned up about an hour ago, that's why i'm writting such an elobrate blog... i'm so full that i can't sleep... not to mention my hair is still wet... damn after one whole day, i finally can take a bath... and i'm now damn sleepy too... full + wet hair... dymn~~~~
Anyway this is really a good Saturday (notice that i'm using Saturday instead of weekend, because i might need to go back to the lab for some work... hopefully is just a "might" ) Oh ya... today really made me realize something, i can spend a day outside of home, away from PCs and work ... really enjoyed myself today. I think i should do this more often... i am .. human... ... rite?
Work up about 620am this morning but i went to bed at 140am so it's kinda blur for awhile, to get ready for a football match. Please note that i don't event play football, i don't even play any forms of sports... i only agreed to go because it's some sort of a
So i got there, late... i left my wallet home and i was already at the 5th floor... anyway.. i got to USM field and i'm already seeing some of them warming up. What seems to be a 4 on 4 quickly turned into a 5 on 5 when Chun Sion arrived, to make the number even i agreed to join. Me as playing football, i think the last time i actually played was somewhere in early Form4 which was some time around 11 years ago. During the 1st half it was 1:1 and later in the 2nd half it was 3:3, i can't remember who scored but i do remember that 1 of the goals was by Jeff, it was an own goal... hehehehe... well after the match we went for breakfast and boy do we look like some middle aged men. We were at a coffee shop sipping from our cups with some reading the papers and we were talking about the recent news and some history lesson...
After breakfast i went to the Tesco for some shopping as i'm low on food supply and after spending another 2 hours (i think is 2 hours, i didn't actually keep track) i went home and i was beat... i think i feel better last week even after that hike. Well i got home and washed my dirty shoes and just before i could go for my bath, my housemate told me that they are planning for a steamboat later tonight. So we went for another round of shopping, this time at the wet market. We got back and we started preparing the food. And i don't mind telling you that we just finish cleaned up about an hour ago, that's why i'm writting such an elobrate blog... i'm so full that i can't sleep... not to mention my hair is still wet... damn after one whole day, i finally can take a bath... and i'm now damn sleepy too... full + wet hair... dymn~~~~
Anyway this is really a good Saturday (notice that i'm using Saturday instead of weekend, because i might need to go back to the lab for some work... hopefully is just a "might" ) Oh ya... today really made me realize something, i can spend a day outside of home, away from PCs and work ... really enjoyed myself today. I think i should do this more often... i am .. human... ... rite?
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Birthday enlightment
I had a very tense birthday this year, basically it's from all the wishes from all my friends. Beside the normal "Happy Birthday" most of the wishes included an additional message. And if you are among one of those who wished me or have a chance to drop by my facebook you may have be able to guess what i'm trying to say. To those who don't know... well most of them wish or should i say encourage / urge me to get a girlfriend. Well.... ... thanks to all this "encouraging" wishes brought me to another enlightment and i kind of think that this could be the biggest enlightment i have since ... i have no idea since when ... coz it's just big~~~~
Well let me just get into my little discovery... i've discover the reason why i am dead single, i think i need to highlight the word DEAD just to show how single i actually am hahaha and to make matters worse, my little discovery can be explained and proven scientifically. And it's perfectly logical =)
Are you ready for my little discovery???
U sure ???
Dead sure??? =p
Well... ...
I just noticed that i'm a relatively successful babe magnet myself. I have abselotely no doubt that i'm a successful babe magnet. But there is just one tinne winsy problem... the polarity of the magnet ... ... well it's the same polarity with all the babes... just to help those who are not very good in magnetism, let me give you the gist of what i'm trying to say. Magnets of opposing polarity attracts while the same polarity repels... so ... yup... that's just what i am; a big succesful defective "babe magnet". They can only get just "that" close before they get repeled and "run" away. So i guess that's why i remained single. No girls can get close enough to me to begin to like me. I guess that is another reason why i'm so glued to the internet, that's the only place i may be able to ge to know those from the opposite sex without repelling them far away from me.
Well let me just get into my little discovery... i've discover the reason why i am dead single, i think i need to highlight the word DEAD just to show how single i actually am hahaha and to make matters worse, my little discovery can be explained and proven scientifically. And it's perfectly logical =)
Are you ready for my little discovery???
U sure ???
Dead sure??? =p
Well... ...
I just noticed that i'm a relatively successful babe magnet myself. I have abselotely no doubt that i'm a successful babe magnet. But there is just one tinne winsy problem... the polarity of the magnet ... ... well it's the same polarity with all the babes... just to help those who are not very good in magnetism, let me give you the gist of what i'm trying to say. Magnets of opposing polarity attracts while the same polarity repels... so ... yup... that's just what i am; a big succesful defective "babe magnet". They can only get just "that" close before they get repeled and "run" away. So i guess that's why i remained single. No girls can get close enough to me to begin to like me. I guess that is another reason why i'm so glued to the internet, that's the only place i may be able to ge to know those from the opposite sex without repelling them far away from me.
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Where is the professionalism??
sigh.... i can't believe i will need to retreat to my blog to blurt out my bottled up frustration this is just because i know not many will visit my blog and i can really speak my mind without worrying that i may "hurt" anyone's feelings.....
What happen to the professionalism of a profession? What will happen when one start to lose interst in the work they are working on? What is the school teaching the young ones nowadays? When you reply a "Noted" to an instruction it means you understood the request and you will deliver to the request right? When i tender my resignation letter in my last job, i still continue to contribute, continue to do overtime to make sure the product get launched and all engineering work are done from my end. And whenever i reply a "Noted" to a request i will make sure that i'll do it, i may delay a day or two but i will still deliver the things... Isn't this what we called as being a professional?
Is it me being naive or is this is what it is suppose to be? Sometimes i can't help to think that i'm working with a bunch of people who is interested in seeing me dead than being promoted or appreciated. Is it so hard to work with me? Am i so hard to handle that "you" are looking for a way to torture me?? Why??
I really can't help to think that the working attitude of people are going from bad to worse. In the world nowadays there is no such thing as "You give me 1k salary i'll deliver 900 worth of work" it's more of a "You give me 1k salary, i will need to produce 11k worth of return" but who still sees this? Like i say, may be i am still a naive boy in this materialistic world.
I really do think that i work better alone, i may be hectic and i may be tired but at least i know where all the pieces goes unlike now where i am having trouble tracing which is which. Working in "I" make me to start thinking, am i really a leader? Do i have the qualities to be a leader? Why?? Is this my problem?
What happen to the professionalism of a profession? What will happen when one start to lose interst in the work they are working on? What is the school teaching the young ones nowadays? When you reply a "Noted" to an instruction it means you understood the request and you will deliver to the request right? When i tender my resignation letter in my last job, i still continue to contribute, continue to do overtime to make sure the product get launched and all engineering work are done from my end. And whenever i reply a "Noted" to a request i will make sure that i'll do it, i may delay a day or two but i will still deliver the things... Isn't this what we called as being a professional?
Is it me being naive or is this is what it is suppose to be? Sometimes i can't help to think that i'm working with a bunch of people who is interested in seeing me dead than being promoted or appreciated. Is it so hard to work with me? Am i so hard to handle that "you" are looking for a way to torture me?? Why??
I really can't help to think that the working attitude of people are going from bad to worse. In the world nowadays there is no such thing as "You give me 1k salary i'll deliver 900 worth of work" it's more of a "You give me 1k salary, i will need to produce 11k worth of return" but who still sees this? Like i say, may be i am still a naive boy in this materialistic world.
I really do think that i work better alone, i may be hectic and i may be tired but at least i know where all the pieces goes unlike now where i am having trouble tracing which is which. Working in "I" make me to start thinking, am i really a leader? Do i have the qualities to be a leader? Why?? Is this my problem?
Monday, March 08, 2010
Fan??
A man with a pen, and a man with a fan... ....
Excuse my blurness... it's monday and i'm at work with lack of sleep (may be i had enough but i'm still sleepy) and some numb mussles.... I wanted to write this in the weekends but i was lazy during the day and i got "kidnapped" at night so i'm doing it now... haha ... hopefully nobody sees me :p
Throughout my years being alive, i had never thought i would become a fan of any figures from the world of entertainment. All this time i will only care how well they sing the song and if it's good i'll like them, regardless of their genre or language but recently i'm very into a group. Becoming a fan of theirs... Can't believe it haha ...
I'm sadly and at the same time proudly admit that i've totally become a fan of the girl group So Nyuh Shi Dae or SNSD or Girls Generation. As you may have guessed it from the name, they are not a Chinese group (although you may think is a English group) but they are in fact a Korean girl group. They are a group of 9 rather attractive female members with rather good vocals and choreography. My favourite member is the leader TaeYeon because i just simply like her voice plus some of her cuteness does adds points hehe... but she's not always cute and pretty, in some of their MVs she looks rather normal.
Seriouly, what can be more sassier than watching a well choreograph dance to a nice song? It's being presented to you by 9 attractive ladies... the combo is just amazing least to say.
Well back to work... but i'll leave with a clip of one of my favourite song it's a sad one but i like it... If (OST from Hong Gil Dong)
Excuse my blurness... it's monday and i'm at work with lack of sleep (may be i had enough but i'm still sleepy) and some numb mussles.... I wanted to write this in the weekends but i was lazy during the day and i got "kidnapped" at night so i'm doing it now... haha ... hopefully nobody sees me :p
Throughout my years being alive, i had never thought i would become a fan of any figures from the world of entertainment. All this time i will only care how well they sing the song and if it's good i'll like them, regardless of their genre or language but recently i'm very into a group. Becoming a fan of theirs... Can't believe it haha ...
I'm sadly and at the same time proudly admit that i've totally become a fan of the girl group So Nyuh Shi Dae or SNSD or Girls Generation. As you may have guessed it from the name, they are not a Chinese group (although you may think is a English group) but they are in fact a Korean girl group. They are a group of 9 rather attractive female members with rather good vocals and choreography. My favourite member is the leader TaeYeon because i just simply like her voice plus some of her cuteness does adds points hehe... but she's not always cute and pretty, in some of their MVs she looks rather normal.
Seriouly, what can be more sassier than watching a well choreograph dance to a nice song? It's being presented to you by 9 attractive ladies... the combo is just amazing least to say.
Well back to work... but i'll leave with a clip of one of my favourite song it's a sad one but i like it... If (OST from Hong Gil Dong)
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Creativity?
I think i'll do a short blog update hehe... psst... nobody in my side of the lab yet hahaha
Sometimes i can't help to feel my creativity with words, especially when it comes to coming up with phrases ... i just came up with a good phrase for myself and it seems most people who read it like it, it was funny and it made a point ... i'm glad i'm good in words manipulation hahaha... it's fun :p
Taken from my Facebook...
My current favourite phrase / quote is ... ...
well been using this a lot at work... so.. yea it's my favourite quote since most of my colleagues here calles me Tiger. It is just so fitting..
Sometimes i can't help to feel my creativity with words, especially when it comes to coming up with phrases ... i just came up with a good phrase for myself and it seems most people who read it like it, it was funny and it made a point ... i'm glad i'm good in words manipulation hahaha... it's fun :p
Taken from my Facebook...
if men are like wine and gets better with time... anyone interested to taste
this one of the kind 1983 vintage that has been kept in a cold and dry
environment for the last 2 years i.e. the lab hahaha
My current favourite phrase / quote is ... ...
Call me "tiger". Why ? Coz i'm both 老 in age and 苦 in life...
well been using this a lot at work... so.. yea it's my favourite quote since most of my colleagues here calles me Tiger. It is just so fitting..
Saturday, February 27, 2010
EH... a colleague, a counter part and hell of a basket of a friend
Actually this is something i should have blurted out yesterday but i didn't... Yesterday was the official last day of one of my best companion at work... the one and only O-EH. Seriously i have no idea that we've been colleagues for almost 2 years in that frozen labrinth we call lab. And yesterday was his last ... his last day in this hell hole.
Of all my colleagues, EH has a relatively special position. Of all the colleagues he is the only one whom i have no problem being myself. While i have a tendency to be on my best behaviour with each and everybody else, but with him i can just be the jerk that i am. Not forgotting the fact that he's usually the last remaining few guys in the lab that will always keep me company whenever we work late. He very much reminded me of how i was back in my secondary school days (and those were among my best days of my life). How you could NOT like a person who basically is a bundle of joy to be around.
I will miss our morning hellos ...
I will miss our daily chats ...
I will miss his cute and adorable face especially when he put on that fake smile of his ...
But the thing that i will miss the most is
... his companionship when i feel stressed and worn out
... our long night chats where we blurt out all our unpleasantness
... his presence during the long OT nights
I do not know whether will or when he might read this, but EH, if you are reading this. Thanks for being such a good friend, colleague and the jack a$$ that you are. I wish you a smooth sailing in your future journeys and may lady luck be with you every step of the way.
Of all my colleagues, EH has a relatively special position. Of all the colleagues he is the only one whom i have no problem being myself. While i have a tendency to be on my best behaviour with each and everybody else, but with him i can just be the jerk that i am. Not forgotting the fact that he's usually the last remaining few guys in the lab that will always keep me company whenever we work late. He very much reminded me of how i was back in my secondary school days (and those were among my best days of my life). How you could NOT like a person who basically is a bundle of joy to be around.
I will miss our morning hellos ...
I will miss our daily chats ...
I will miss his cute and adorable face especially when he put on that fake smile of his ...
But the thing that i will miss the most is
... his companionship when i feel stressed and worn out
... our long night chats where we blurt out all our unpleasantness
... his presence during the long OT nights
I do not know whether will or when he might read this, but EH, if you are reading this. Thanks for being such a good friend, colleague and the jack a$$ that you are. I wish you a smooth sailing in your future journeys and may lady luck be with you every step of the way.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Public holiday???
I just found out 2 things today... think of it as enlightment hahaha
(hey i guess the long holiday i took is begining to pay off i'm thinking more clearly now hahaha ...)
1st...
Public holiday is actually a myth... coz it nvr actually happens, it's just a way to tell u that u can rest 8 more hours coz u've work too much extra the previous days and to boss can't compensate so somehow they manage to come out with this term called "Public Holiday" to con you into believing that if u work more and finish more work then you can enjoy a bit more. But its not... you'll end up working more than the 8hours of compensation.
but don't fret... this brings me to my second enlightment of the day ... ....
...
public holiday is for the public, not for those privately "owned" and since we are privately owned by the company that hire us... so there ain't such thing as a public holiday
so if you are thinking of having a good "public" holiday then consider a career in the "public" line or the goverment sector because the "private" line just don't have such thing haha
(hey i guess the long holiday i took is begining to pay off i'm thinking more clearly now hahaha ...)
1st...
Public holiday is actually a myth... coz it nvr actually happens, it's just a way to tell u that u can rest 8 more hours coz u've work too much extra the previous days and to boss can't compensate so somehow they manage to come out with this term called "Public Holiday" to con you into believing that if u work more and finish more work then you can enjoy a bit more. But its not... you'll end up working more than the 8hours of compensation.
but don't fret... this brings me to my second enlightment of the day ... ....
...
public holiday is for the public, not for those privately "owned" and since we are privately owned by the company that hire us... so there ain't such thing as a public holiday
so if you are thinking of having a good "public" holiday then consider a career in the "public" line or the goverment sector because the "private" line just don't have such thing haha
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
CNY Gambling
"I think it's a Chinese culture to gamble. Chinese can gamble on virtually anything."
I remember hearing this quote from some TV show sometime ago but i can't really remember where or when. But seriously it's rather true. Chinese does like to gamble and talking about gambling, the one and only time when gambling is "legal" in family POV is during CNY. Most families wouldn't allow their child to gamble on other days (well at least in my family) but on CNY, everything goes and it usually with a classic saying "Once a year"
Anyway i've stop gambling, even during CNY. Reason??? I've once gamble with my secondary school buddies and i lost a bundle... It was more than 4 years ago (may be longer), we were playing "chor dai dee" sorry i can't make it out in English so to those who knows, please educate me on this. We were playing 1 cent per card and i manage to lose more than 1 dollar plus... 1 cent a piece and i manage to lose 1 dollar plus... can u imagine the losing streak i was having. So on that day onwards i told myself not to gamble again ... and i was able to abide to this lil vow i made... until today ...
Well we had a secondary school buddies gathering today, started off at my friends shop for lunch before moving to Vincent's place. And to this guys, gambling is as part of their event as drinking. So we played a few rounds... And to my suprise i was in the zone. We started with some rounds of Blackjack where each of us took turns to be the banker and then moved on to Chor Dai Dee again. And to my suprise i was winning. It is the first time i really played again and i won... i actually won haha ...
Just wanna brag about it, i mean most of you will play and win right? But to someone who dont actually enjoy gambling, it was a great day for me ... Hey i started with RM2 and i manage to get ~RM25 when i left, and all this in about 3 hours of game.
And to bring me back to reality... ... ... i'm actually in my room now, working ... doing some waveform post processing + some Eye diagram for sATA ... HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR~~~~~
I remember hearing this quote from some TV show sometime ago but i can't really remember where or when. But seriously it's rather true. Chinese does like to gamble and talking about gambling, the one and only time when gambling is "legal" in family POV is during CNY. Most families wouldn't allow their child to gamble on other days (well at least in my family) but on CNY, everything goes and it usually with a classic saying "Once a year"
Anyway i've stop gambling, even during CNY. Reason??? I've once gamble with my secondary school buddies and i lost a bundle... It was more than 4 years ago (may be longer), we were playing "chor dai dee" sorry i can't make it out in English so to those who knows, please educate me on this. We were playing 1 cent per card and i manage to lose more than 1 dollar plus... 1 cent a piece and i manage to lose 1 dollar plus... can u imagine the losing streak i was having. So on that day onwards i told myself not to gamble again ... and i was able to abide to this lil vow i made... until today ...
Well we had a secondary school buddies gathering today, started off at my friends shop for lunch before moving to Vincent's place. And to this guys, gambling is as part of their event as drinking. So we played a few rounds... And to my suprise i was in the zone. We started with some rounds of Blackjack where each of us took turns to be the banker and then moved on to Chor Dai Dee again. And to my suprise i was winning. It is the first time i really played again and i won... i actually won haha ...
Just wanna brag about it, i mean most of you will play and win right? But to someone who dont actually enjoy gambling, it was a great day for me ... Hey i started with RM2 and i manage to get ~RM25 when i left, and all this in about 3 hours of game.
And to bring me back to reality... ... ... i'm actually in my room now, working ... doing some waveform post processing + some Eye diagram for sATA ... HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR~~~~~
Holiday thoughts
It's funny that i'm actually thinking abuot work now... just can't help thinking that there are still unfinished stuff and i need to deliver some overdue data to a colleague of mine... some of you might be yelling "hey~~~ it's the holiday can you give yourself a break?? " but the fact is i have given myself a break... officially tomorrow will be a working day so i would need to do something about it. Maybe i'll do some work tomorrow if i have the time ... another round of gathering tomorrow haha ...
Another thing that got me thinking tonight after i met up with another long lost friend. The last time we seen each other was more than 2 years ago. Thus it got me thinking, time really flies and little did we know we are getting older. My friend and i have known each other for 14 years now, i mean how many 14 years do you have in life? And throughout our 14 years of friendship, we have quite a number of years where we have totally lost contact with each other. Does it really have to be this way? Using this long holiday of mine, i plan to seek out other long lost friend have try to arrange a F2F. Nothing is more magical than to seek out an old friend and do some catching up. Currently i have at least one more on my list... hopefully we are able to meet up before i migrate back to my Frozen "Lab"ryinth...
Another thing that got me thinking tonight after i met up with another long lost friend. The last time we seen each other was more than 2 years ago. Thus it got me thinking, time really flies and little did we know we are getting older. My friend and i have known each other for 14 years now, i mean how many 14 years do you have in life? And throughout our 14 years of friendship, we have quite a number of years where we have totally lost contact with each other. Does it really have to be this way? Using this long holiday of mine, i plan to seek out other long lost friend have try to arrange a F2F. Nothing is more magical than to seek out an old friend and do some catching up. Currently i have at least one more on my list... hopefully we are able to meet up before i migrate back to my Frozen "Lab"ryinth...
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Ups and downs
Had a met up with a friend today and it some how reminded me of something i've not used in quite some time. I use to tell myself that until you've tasted the bitterness and sourness of failure, you will never be able to truely understand and experience the sweetness of success. For someone who has experience how it feels like to be at the bottom will really saviour the wonderful feeling of success.
In life it is just impossible that we are always at to top of all things because as Murphy stated "All the things that can go wrong, will go wrong" so there will always be ups and downs in life... accept it.. deal with it...
It's ok to fail but more importantly is what did you take from your failure. I've been thru the valley of failure thus i vowed to myself that i'll never go there again, i do not want to experience that "hell" again. So i will do the best that i could to avoid that, and to avoid failure is to continue to improve. Leave failure further and further from you but must always prepare yourself for suprises as failure could take a shortcut somewhere and pop up right in front of you again. But that is life... take it and let it be, take the key learnings and then walk away.
To my friend who is reading it, Success sometimes takes and requires a chance but failure are not forever ...
In life it is just impossible that we are always at to top of all things because as Murphy stated "All the things that can go wrong, will go wrong" so there will always be ups and downs in life... accept it.. deal with it...
It's ok to fail but more importantly is what did you take from your failure. I've been thru the valley of failure thus i vowed to myself that i'll never go there again, i do not want to experience that "hell" again. So i will do the best that i could to avoid that, and to avoid failure is to continue to improve. Leave failure further and further from you but must always prepare yourself for suprises as failure could take a shortcut somewhere and pop up right in front of you again. But that is life... take it and let it be, take the key learnings and then walk away.
To my friend who is reading it, Success sometimes takes and requires a chance but failure are not forever ...
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Rush... rush
Today us the eve of CNY which can be a very important date. All family members are (usuall) required to be back for the reunioun dinner so everyone is in a rush to get home.
It was ~4am on the North-South highway and i saw the same thing i saw last Raya... tonnes and tonnes of cars. Instead of a long long highway it looked more like the normal highway in KL during a busy weekend. Thank god i'm travelling in the opposite direction. I've pick up the habit of driving during the off peak hours, usually after 2am. Talking which... i'm kinda sleepy now.. need to catch some Zzz so i won't doze off tomorrow... hehe nitz
It was ~4am on the North-South highway and i saw the same thing i saw last Raya... tonnes and tonnes of cars. Instead of a long long highway it looked more like the normal highway in KL during a busy weekend. Thank god i'm travelling in the opposite direction. I've pick up the habit of driving during the off peak hours, usually after 2am. Talking which... i'm kinda sleepy now.. need to catch some Zzz so i won't doze off tomorrow... hehe nitz
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Ooppsieee
Damn it's been too long since i wrote something that my bloggie start to get spams ... ok i think i'll use my CNY holiday to post a lot of stuff about a lot of things that has been long on my mind... see who will win, my laziness or my determination hahahhaa so if u dun see any post in the couple of days then u'll know the results...
Back to work ... sigh ....
Back to work ... sigh ....
Friday, February 05, 2010
English lesson
Engineer /'anjing liar'/
Synonyms: a form of trash, a nobody, an overworked under paid profession
Meaning: someone who takes in $hit that nobody wants and cleans, turn them into something else that everyone thinks they want with the only reward is NOT to get screwed by the person who started the $hit in the first place
Synonyms: a form of trash, a nobody, an overworked under paid profession
Meaning: someone who takes in $hit that nobody wants and cleans, turn them into something else that everyone thinks they want with the only reward is NOT to get screwed by the person who started the $hit in the first place
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