Who am I? (part 2)

Just had another thought of myself, which is also among something I say many times to a lot of people.

I am a good person

But not many people believe me ... so I continued with

When I told people that I'm a good person, no people would believe me and say I'm a bad person... so I do what I am expected to do ... do bad MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA~~~~~ but deep down... well i'm not good but i'm not that evil either... i'm just playful, childish and slightly naughty.

Goodbye EV.....

Well... it's been a roller coaster ride last week and without a doubt it's a stressful week. I can't believe after all this time working in this team, it's going to be gone soon.

Yes.... Gone....

The upper management has decided to cut the site away and my team is going to be officially dissolved soon, maybe too soon... It's a little sad to know that they will be dismissing the site, and it's devastating that to know that I'll be out of job. Dayum.

It took me awhile to actually collect myself and to start to think positively but what positive things could i possibly think of? Giving me a chance to look into myself and reflect on my achievement? Well... maybe. Now I need to think of what can I do after I'm out of work, what do I want to do? What about my house? What about my studies? What about my other commitments? It's really stressful.

Hopefully I'll be ok .... Wish my luck.

Hi Blogger

After disappearing for so many years, I finally came back. Again the thing that brought me back was the fact that I've not been in the happiest of mode lately, heck.... I don't think I've been my honestly happy for the past 5 months. But it's been among the lowest of moods recently. Let's try to sum up the blunder that I've been going through so I may look this up sometime in the future and laugh at my silliness and stupidity in the near future.

• Oct 2013 - heard something that I've been longing for and was damn happy about it, although there were some sort of restriction but I'm happy. And was damn looking forward for my vacation. 
• Nov 2013 - decision was revoked and then it sprung a streak of mood swings which was rather unpleasant. To top it up, I was in a continuous   marathon to complete all my assignments which was going to be due
• Dec 2013 - Trying to sum up everything I've done throughout my life of 2013 and knowing that I've actually have not done much.... rather demoralizing seeing I'm no longer the young brat that has time to spare.
• Jan 2014 - Exam. What more do I need to say. It's been more than 6 years since I've actually attended any form of examination so it was a very stressful period not to mention having to cope with the workload from office. Not to mention a not so happy New Year's Eve celebration with some friends. 
• Feb 2014 - The passing of a friend, my buddy to be exact. The girl whom I guided and try to assimilate into the company's culture and to Penang life. The girl who is kind and friendly to everyone. After a year of battling cancer, she has finally moved on to a better place. My greatest regret was not making the effort to pay her a visit when I still have a chance. It happen just as i was discharged from hospital due to my allergies so i can't make the drive to attend her wake. Such regret. 
• March 2014 - As the news of my passing friend was very near to my own birthday, it was a little hard not to think too much about it yet I try to enjoy myself. Next was the news of my "failure" at work. Which was among the hardest blow I've receive in my life. The good news was, a close friend of mine got married so it wasn't all that bad for "my month" i guess. 

To my friends who knows me and may be reading this. I hold tightly to pain and sadness in my life and only sharing my smile and laughs when I'm with you. But rainbows don't last forever, I too have my low periods, I too need some time out.... I too need a shoulder and an ear to express myself. I'm only human.

Sorry to say to myself is that it is very hard for me to talk this out to anyone as I lack to trust to express myself to people. In my recent attempt to express to some of my friends, it turn out even worse as the one whom i thought is the most willing to listen to was is not really interested in hearing me out while the other friend was trying very hard to be the listener; to be honest I feel bad for her so i end up stop talking and switch role to be the listener instead. Maybe everyone of us was in a bad mood, and everyone was just looking for some time out thus the awkward environment.

So in the end... I think words are my only friend, and my alternate identity works the best to channel my frustration in the most elegant way possible. And here I am again.... blogging my frustration away.

Words

The Pathetic Poet is a character of words
Words that represent his inner works
 The sadder he is the more writes
 The sadder he is his thought unites
 Sad and misery is all there is
 To fuel his passion and raises his skill

 Words to express what he feel
Words get complex in daily use
Words can be a built of character
 Words may be the greatest deceiver

 Writing in words to express his feel
 Speaking those words is harder that steel
Writing words is filling in by parts
 Speaking the words may hurt some hearts

 From the Pages of the Pathetic Poet

Sometimes the world wanted to be cared

Sometimes looking for someone to listen,
 Sometimes looking for someone to be there,
 Sometimes looking for someone to reason,
 Sometimes looking for someone who cares....

The world today with a lot of problem,
 The world today is not fair,
 The world today is less functional,
 The world today is as if no one cared...

Who am I to the world today,
I am nothing but a pawn to be played,
 Why must I alone to face all this problem,
 All I wanted is to be cared...

 From the Pages of the Pathetic Poet