To leave or not to leave? That is the question....

Sigh... and no i am not opting to resign from "I" so don't mis-quote me...

I'm sighing this time is because of my stupid leaves. I'm begining to think that this damn company (else this dept) of mine is not allowing me to take any days of leave at all.

My first time applying for leave was during Aug 2008 where i've planned and made reservation to go to Bangkok with my friends, and for that few days of leaves i ended up almost quarreling with my coordinator and my supervisor.

The second time i applied for leave was during my brother's ROM, it was on a friday. At the same night, on Friday, i recieve a call from my manager asking me whether is it possible for me to go back to work the next day. I went "I'm now in KL, and I have things to do tomorrow" yet my manager is not very "keen" with my answer so it was another "sigh" moment... But i was lucky that during my brother's wedding i could attend it with a peace of heart....

On my forth time if leave application, it was an emergency leave. The leave was to attend my grnadmother's funeral, and again i need to reply to some urgent emails asking me to deliver some data. In the end, i have to take a quick leave after the service and take the next bus back and get back to work the next day, assuming that nothing happened.

So this will be my fifth time applying for leave... i told my supervisor of my leave intention and even sent her a list on the days i wish to be on leave. After not receiving a YES or NO from her i decided to ask her for it and then... just then my manager came out and say, "I wish to lock down all the leave until end of the year" and the first thing that come to my mind was... WTF~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!! NOT AGAIN~~~~~~!!!!!!!!! I plan to attend a wedding of my uni mate followed by my ex colleague and most importantly the wedding of my closest friend, all those seems so far away now thanks to the stupid schedule pulled in.

DAMN it why can't i take leave like normal employees do? It is not my fault that the schedule get pulled in, hey i plan to take leave a few months ago and back then the bloody project was still trending WW52... And now it got pulled in, you are sacrifing us?? What happen to planning? With this kind of planning, how could you still question my planning? DAMNIT !%&)(!$!%&&*) I'm really starting to think that the only way i can take a leave like a normal person is either i resign from this dept (or company) or i'm dead sick that i can't even walk. Else i will never be able to take a good day of leave for self enjoyment...

P/S: I'm having so much frustration bottled up inside me, i feel like i'm going to blow and i have my manager to thank for this mount of frustration....... YEA .. U.... with a finger pointing at U

5 , 10, 15 years plan?

The future... something that seems so distant yet so close; something that feels so imaginary yet is real; something so unpredictable yet so anticipated.... i can go on braging but basically you catch my drift.

Been having a lot chat with my friends lately and one distingush topic that can't seems to escape is the topic of "My life as an engineer... ... sux" so much so that i think i can begin to compile a book on a million and one reason why NOT to be an engineer. Which very indirectly made me to think... do i still want to be an engineer after 5 years? If yes, what about 10 years later?

Don't get me wrong, i still like what i'm doing so i've no problem gulping down all those dead cats, dancing in the wok or swimming in hot water but the main question remain... for how much more longer? Of my friends here agreed that engineer is not a good line of work, the name is good and the starting (this needs to be highlighted as this is the only benifit i see as an engineer) pay is just great but in the long run... well if you done the math, you ain't going to stay there for the money.

I have a friend who has lost his "umph" to continue as an engineer and want to take up lecturing, and this is the most "professional" answer that i've got. All my other friends are more to the financial side of the picture:- one who want to go into investment as an career; another wish to quit and just go back to the family business; one who want to quit and start his own business; and i even have a friend who wants to start a business even before begining practicing. It's all 'bout the money ~~ it's all 'bout the dum dum .... .... ....

So what is there left for me ?? I've not thought about not doing engineering, i've not thought about starting a business... i've not even put much thought about my future for crying out loud... sigh... I'm a good employee till now but will that forever be my path? Just another employee?? Ohhhh~~ the dilemma

Drifting apart

It seems to me that i've been there and yet not there for awhile now. I can't help but to feel that i'm drifting further away from my peers at work, not all of them but most of them i think... Could it be due to my boss or it is just me? I'm getting more serious and less idiotic lately, and the more serious i am the further apart i feel. A colleague of mine used to chat with me a lot but lately we hardly speak to each other .... and this symptome seems to be expanding to my other colleagues, one by one... Is this my fault?? Sigh .... I guess i'm bounded to be Mr Lonely ...

Dumb or insufficient knowledge?

Through a freaky accident i've triggered my boss's interest in me. Since the first day i've join this dept till yesterday, my manager has not shown any interest in my everyday ongoing but all the sudden it changed... All the sudden he gived me some AR and ask me to get the answer the following day and all the sudden i felt like Jack Bauer. I got 24 hrs to get the answers he wanted ... i was desperate.... and today was round 2, another 24 hrs, another sets of question requiring another sets of answer.

In a way it felt like my boss is helping me to grow by pressuring me so i should feel greatful but on the otherhand i feel stressed and tension by his actions. He is asking me stuff that i have no ideas about and with what ever knowledge that i have i've given it to him but it is still not enough... now i am really scared, i'm scared that i might not be up for this.

Will i survive? I hope i would.... so if u dun see me updating my blog in a very long time, then u know what had happened to me .... .... ...

busy studying la ... not yet die .... i hope hahaha

A fish trip

Last weekend was a long and nice weekend. It was a trip with my fellow mates for a fish hunt. It is also a part of our belated celebration for Deric... but the food is more important not forgetting it's also a part of our gang's gathering





CK came and ask us to go for a Soon Hock or Marbled Goby trip and we've been planning ever since. Got to the mainland about 230 and by 330 we were already in a cybercafe reliving and reminding ourself what our teenage days were like. We went DotA-ing hehe... and then we were off....


We got to Selama, Perak, lead by CK. I must say he is good in remembering roads. He chose the inner roads and avoided the tolls which means we were now in unfamiliar grounds. Yet he knows exactly where to turn, there is not even a thing we could use as a landmark and he is driving as if he knows it like the back of his hands.


Anyway i'll cut the yapping share the food hehe ...





Soon Hock's meat texture... yummy. Once you bite into it, the meat spreads and it almost feel like crab meat but it's more fine n juicy.. kodus to the cook.



The damage~~ ouch~~