You to the world

Was explaining something to my buddy at work today when it suddenly strike me... something rather random and yet seem so sensable. Silly yet meaningful. I believe i have similar thoughts before but today.... ... today it seems so much sensable when i think about it maybe due to chain effect that happened after that. I spend almost 2 hours in the club house playing Wii with my colleagues and after that i came home, with an empty stomach just to know that my housemates are not at home... tired, hungry and lonely... best combo.

Well the question that came to the piece of muscle in my head, a.k.a my brain, was.... What is my value to the people around me? It seems that the only other person in this world, besides me, who actually cares about me are my parents ... and occasionally my brother. So who am i to everyone else? It just seems that, after working hours is over, i'm only as valuable the Sodium Chloride molucule in the sea... with or without that molucule, the sea is still that salty and it ain't going to be that much saltier with me. I am only seen as valuable when it's office hours and when somebody need help with something. Yup... as valuable as the handy man.

I can't help but to feel that the closest "family" i have here are in fact my colleagues but they are only my colleagues from 8 - 5.30 or the occasional additional OT hours. But that's that... at the end of the day, they have someone who will wait for them to either come home to or to call and to say "Hi". There is just that somebody ... whom sadly to say, i don't have. My parents are 400km away and ... and... er... well... that's all ... i guess...

It is times like this that i wish that i don't feel anything at all. I feel like there is a gap in my current life. And whenever this topic pops up... the next thing that will come is THAT question / statement again... "CH, get a girlfriend la... dun just always stay in lab, you not getting younger ".. blah , blah , blah.... It's not that i don't want to find but it ain't exactly a walk in the park right? You will wish to choose your Ms Right, so she will want to choose her Mr. Right too so... are you that Mr. Right to your so called Ms Right? Well let's not go there and back to my question...

...what do you think your value are to this world? All i know is... in this island called Penang, it is dirt cheap...

Bro...

Am I a caring person? Do I sometimes care too much about someone? Do I sometimes take too much initiative to help people ?

Well that's just something random, so feel free to ignore it. Was chit chatting with some friends today over these messenger and had a funny experience (well it was kinda funny to me). I had two of my friends called (or should i say treat) me as Big Bro.

hmmm....

Well may be that has some truth to it i guess. Sometimes I think I tend care too much about someone that i feel that i'm over doing it and to others, it might look like i'm being "too nice" to these people as most of the time i'm so called "extra nice" to females. But thanks to my dullness and numbness in emotion, most of the time if not all the time all i am to these people i'm just the Big Bro who they can come to when they have problems.

I wonder ... if i were to take more initiative in making more "courting" other than just caring... i wonder .... ... ... ...