The XX chromosome individuals

I will be dead lying if i were to say i'm not interested in pretty ladies, well at least that what most of you will be thinking. But to keep it fair, i'm not denying that pretty ladies are nice to look at and even be around with but that doesn't mean anyting, at least on my account. I would look at them and even admiring their beauty in every angle possible, visually i mean, but other than that... nothing. Looking at them is the most i would do, no lust nor intention, just plain admiration of their beauty from afar.

Well i have come across a lot of ... erm... rather pretty and attractive lady friends in my years on this lovely planet, from my school days right to my days at work of which i am not very close with. I can't help but to wonder, why? It seems that i can never get too close to them. I mean we are friends and all but ... ... ... i can't say that we are anything near the entry level of a close friend (Leech's defination of friendship hierarcy ). We talk when we met in person ... ... and that's about it. And most of the time even when i do see a attractive individual, i don't even borther going to know them, just because they are pretty that doesn't mean i need to know them right? Another side of the story would be, i would have this paradigm of they will think that "I'm pretty so it's only normal that guys would wanna be around me." so i won't give them the pleasure of thinking that about me, but this is totally me and my own thoughts so don't be offended.

Sometimes Nowadays i start to wonder, why? Why aren't i close to any pretty lady friends of mine? ( a disclaimer here, i'm not saying girl friends that i'm close to are not pretty so PLS don't think of it the other way). Maybe is partly due to my so-called confidence. I'm not very confident in myself in thinking that they are really interested in being friend with me, maybe coz i think i'm not that much of an attractive or interesting person. I used to think that girls might like me for who i am but i found out that my friends are more attractive that me most of the time so i figured that i'm not a par with most people around me i guess.

I have a few pretty and attractive girl friends whom i'm close with, and that is because they are no longer available thus i would let go of my guard and be close and befriend with them. Knowing that they are no longer available means they won't think that me being close to them is due to any "evil" intention and again this is strictly my own belief. I seriously doubt that i will like a person if she's not attractive but if she's attractive i will not take an initiative nor will i be interested or keen to get to know her and if i don't know her i will never know whether will i ever like that person... and the cycle continues. So i guess this is another reason that i'm still single till this very day.

Sigh... most people, would like nothing less than being associated with a bunch of pretty and attractive individuals, i like it but i don't crave it ... not a bit, why? May be is due to my paradigm of "Good things will never happen to me" so if i don't crave, i won't be dissapointed when it doesn't happen. But if i don't desire something, i won't work for it... a battle between two of my strongest paradigm and of all things and reasons... it's this.. haha... i laugh at my own personal traits which has brought me most of who i am today hahahaha...

What does it takes to actually get to know a girl without being guilty of lust?