What if....

What if” is such a nice word. It just pulls together all the possible outcome and make force you to think of the possibilities which in most cases are the more beautiful ending cases. And then you start to regret for not doing the “what if” stuff. This is how ironic we as human are, whenever we do a “looking back” session we will have all these “what if”s coming up and then we’ll have all these “regrets” which is too little too late.

Awhile back, I was driving by Queens Bay where I saw this beautiful rainbow. Then when I parked my car by the roadside and looked up I saw a beautiful angle to take a very beautiful photo where the rainbow was perfectly visible just above the in between the triangle in a lightly darken evening 7pm sky with the street light and if I have a filter to make the street light shoots out like star then it will be almost too perfect. The only problem is… … … I don’t have my camera with me. What if I have taken my camera with me and put it in my car the day before, I used to have the habit of bring it along with me but not anymore, and then this could almost be a picture perfect photo… sigh…

This actually brings me to another incident where I can’t help to think “What if” …

What if I have taken initiative to study harder or to get to know more people, who will I be today? Well let's face it, my capability towards knowledge is only up this limit so the question remain, what if i took more initiative to get to more people, namely girls. Would I still be single, available and desperate a.k.a S.A.D today? I can't help to think that there might have been a chance for me back in my uni days but I guess I've blown it by being me... I didn't take any initiative in relationship just because I kept telling myself that good things will not happen to me and that I am only second best if not the third to others. What if i have make move ? What if I have maintained close contact ?

What if...

what if indeed... ... its too little too late now as it's all history. The "she" has graduted and I've left uni for 3 years, if the "what if" were to happen it would have happened long ago right? And me... I'm still the brat that I was 3 years ago, still naive, stupid and childish inside and on the outside, I'm serious, responsible and the unbeatable iron bangla.

I'm 27 this year and my friends is getting married one by one, do i feel the pressure of being single? Not really, may be work has dulled my senses but being single doesn't sounds or seems that bad besides the usual lonely and solitude nights or when you have tonnes of things to blurt out but nobody to listens to. Other than that, I'm still ok with my life.... the question is, for how much longer? I tell myself that I need to change, I tell myselt that this life of mine is a hazard and I tell myself I need to take control of my private life more but they are only words, words which I care less about.

For me, myself and I... ... have a happy cold and lonesome night, today... tomorrow ... and who knows, till my d_ _ _ g days??? Hahahahahaha.... cheers~~