Still friends.

I hate having de javu feelings but sometime it just happens. Been having a lot of discussion about my love life by a lot of people just too many times and as open as i am to the discussion sometimes it gets eerie and odd sometimes. People are just not satisfied until either they get a good explaination or until they get a good scolding which is either me or them.

I need to really make out a good explaination for myself for this else it's going to be hard to conveince people that i'm normal. Let me try to recall what reasons that i've given to others, i will sometime i tell people that ...

1. i have a small heart, i don't have much space to put so much stuff
2. there is no "feeling" being developed / arise
3. i don't meet much people
4. all of my female friends are either attached or married

On the contrary, some argued that it is because that i've not let go of something or in this case, someone and I always denied this as i don't believe it to be true. But something suddenly strikes me... ... that this statement may actually be true, there is someone occupying that little small space in me ... but the person is not the person whom some believe it to be, is someone else. May be there is just someone whom i cant get over which somehow made me ... ... ... me. Coming to this sometimes i kind of curse myself. Cursing myself to wake up and move on.

I always tell people that i don't develop feelings towards anything easily just because i've learned to somehow manage to control how to manipulate my feelings so i can easily overlook certain emotions. The problem comes is when a feeling does arise and when it does, it just sticks there. Having brought up in a family with (as far as i know) were all in a very long relationship and honour loyality, it just make things worse.

Writing this post remind me of a few songs which really suits my current mood and this post...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNh7udqo4Fc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPrkMpPhF3U

Nevertheless... we are, of course, still friends... Yesterday, today and tomorrow... still ... ... just friends.