After living got this 25 years there are just something about me that i can't seems to understand. Why am i always second best to someone else? Why aren't i among the top groups? Why do i always have to satisfy with only being 2nd best? Aren't i good enuf to be the best? Or am i just modest? Or izzit its just the way i am... ... ...
All my life growing up, i've never hoped for the best coz somehow deep down in me its like i won't be able to make it, won't be able to achieve the best of the best and tis goes for everything, from knowing people, right down to taking charge and being the leader. I've never thought of going to know the prettiest girl in school or having them to know me, may be that's y i've never got to know those "goddess-like" girls in uni; i've never thought of getting the best grades, may be that's y i was never on the dean's or president's list; i've never thought of anything good would happen to me, may be that's y i always works harder than most people to get wat i wan,... never... ever... am i being modest or am i lack of self confidence?
Whenever i wanted something i would go all out giving 250% of wat i have to try to achieve it but i've never dreamt of achieving the best or getting the best of anything, i would only aim for 2nd best, even when going out to know girls i wouldn't go to know the pretties one coz i would think that it is possible. Sigh~ wat is wrong wif me. I've learned not to put all eggs in a basket and may be that's y i've never put too much hope for things to happen to me, the more support i get the more stress i feel coz i would feel like letting them down if i fail to achieve it, in school and even now at work...
Why am i so negetive in life? Why couldn't i just believe that good things CAN happen to me? I have bunch of friends and family who always supports n believe in me in wat ever i do yet i do no shot the stars when i'm down at the fields. Why do i always thinks that i'm only 2nd best ? With attitude like this sometimes i wonder will i ever be the person i hoped i would... will i ever find some1 who will like me for the me tat i am... will i be the best of the best at wat i'm doing... Will i ? Or will i just be... ... 2nd best...? And with all the negetivity in play, i've manage to find a way to smooth my roaring emotions. I have another personal quote;
If one never hoped, one never dreamt; and thus never dissappointed.
This was the thing i told my colleague when he ask me about my little trip few weeks back, and like i've been telling my friends, if i cant be an Int hero, so i'll just use a Str hero to continue fighting. Which brings me to another quote the i've modified from Plato
Only the dead has seen the end of war, so we must keep on fighting
2 comments:
So what makes you so emotional this time?
Erm.. can't tell ya the exact reason, i guess i'm just having one of those moment i guess... When u hope for something vry much and it doesn't happen... all sorts of stuff will pop up in ur head
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