All over...

Sunday... at approx 840am my dad told me that grandma is gone. I was at their hotel room in Penang since they came up to pray for my aunt who passed away in 2004 together with my cousins. I was not stunned or do i feel suprised, it was slightly more than an "ohh.." moment but there was no sadness there. And to make the story even better, dad says he heard grandpa telling him that he is taking grandma along with him. Spooky?? Well it's family so i can't say that it is spooky.

We arrived at Kek Lok Si and then i decided to inform my bosses about the incident and that i need to take off from Penang to attend the funeral. It was after i send the sms and that i recieved the reply from my colleague where i start to feel a slight tear in my eye. Although it didn't form big enough to drop or drool down my cheeks but i know it was there. At that moment i did feel sad but it was just for a very short moment so short that when i noticed that it is there, it was all gone. The unfinish droplet suddenly dried up and i was back to normal. After our short prayer, i send dad n mum back to the hotel to get their stuff and then i went back to my house to get my laptop then we are off, back to KL.

Later that night we went to Klang where her body is there. There was not many of the family there. From what i know, she has seen everyone that she wanted to see but she still miss something. She missed the moment to see "the family", she has only seen the members but she has not seen the family as the family. She hung there for a week, fighting and struggling, and just before everyone was able to make it back in time. The "train" left. She was gone. According to Sonya she was crying the night before she "go" tears keep rolling down her cheeks, maybe she knew she is at her limit, that she could not hold any longer... i guess those are the tears of dissapointment, tears of regret, tears of un-fulfilment.

I went to her coffin just before i left and i looked at her, through the glass window. At that moment, i feel a weight, a weight weighing down on me from within. It is slightly heavy, it was slightly burden, it was some sort making me a little heavy on my breathing. Unlike how i felt last time in front of grandpa, this time there is no negetive feeling in me. Over at grandpa i felt bad for not appologizing for some of the things i said and done, but in front of grandma there was nothing. Except for the "heavy" feeling there was nothing else. And unlike other aunt whom pass away bout 3 years back there was no sadness.

Before i leave i just say in my heart. Rest now grandma....

I wonder how would i feel later at her funeral tomorrow. I'll take the next bus back to Penang and hopefully able to make it in time to go back to the lab to do some work. Has work dulled my senses??