Christmas is coming near
Following next is the New Year
Nevertheless I still wonder why I am here
Complain when nobody wants to hear
Christmas carol should be widely reciting
Yet most I heard are people resigning
What is the norm that I am seeing?
People who are not happy should just be leaving?
Being here and losing my mood
Not sure is this due to the holiday groove
Hope this holiday will bring me some good
Hope in the New Year things will improve
Looking back through my ’09 resolution
Where of my days were spend in this frozen dungeon
Wondering how many of those that I’ve complete
Somehow I think none of them is being meet
This should be the last poem of the year
Has not been much writing and not much to cheer
I’ve been know as many things yet not Shakespeare
Glad I did not chose writing as my career :)
From the Pages of the Pathetic Poet
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Friday, December 04, 2009
WORDS
I've not done this is awhile but i hv the sudden umph to edit the lyrics of this song.... hope u guys enjoy it...
Edited from Words by BoyZone
Words Work
Work, an everlasting work
This work can bring death nearer to me
Don't ever let me find you gone
My boss just said that to me
Verse:
This world has lost it's glory
There won’t be any story
Now my friend
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say...
Chorus:
It's only work
And work are all I have
To drain my life away
Craps, in everlasting work
And dedicate them all, to me
And it will drain you of your life
It’ll drain it if it should call to you
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say...
CHORUS, repeat
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da
repeat VERSE
repeat CHORUS twice
Edited from Words by BoyZone
Work, an everlasting work
This work can bring death nearer to me
Don't ever let me find you gone
My boss just said that to me
Verse:
This world has lost it's glory
There won’t be any story
Now my friend
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say...
Chorus:
It's only work
And work are all I have
To drain my life away
Craps, in everlasting work
And dedicate them all, to me
And it will drain you of your life
It’ll drain it if it should call to you
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say...
CHORUS, repeat
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da
repeat VERSE
repeat CHORUS twice
Thursday, November 19, 2009
To leave or not to leave? That is the question....
Sigh... and no i am not opting to resign from "I" so don't mis-quote me...
I'm sighing this time is because of my stupid leaves. I'm begining to think that this damn company (else this dept) of mine is not allowing me to take any days of leave at all.
My first time applying for leave was during Aug 2008 where i've planned and made reservation to go to Bangkok with my friends, and for that few days of leaves i ended up almost quarreling with my coordinator and my supervisor.
The second time i applied for leave was during my brother's ROM, it was on a friday. At the same night, on Friday, i recieve a call from my manager asking me whether is it possible for me to go back to work the next day. I went "I'm now in KL, and I have things to do tomorrow" yet my manager is not very "keen" with my answer so it was another "sigh" moment... But i was lucky that during my brother's wedding i could attend it with a peace of heart....
On my forth time if leave application, it was an emergency leave. The leave was to attend my grnadmother's funeral, and again i need to reply to some urgent emails asking me to deliver some data. In the end, i have to take a quick leave after the service and take the next bus back and get back to work the next day, assuming that nothing happened.
So this will be my fifth time applying for leave... i told my supervisor of my leave intention and even sent her a list on the days i wish to be on leave. After not receiving a YES or NO from her i decided to ask her for it and then... just then my manager came out and say, "I wish to lock down all the leave until end of the year" and the first thing that come to my mind was... WTF~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!! NOT AGAIN~~~~~~!!!!!!!!! I plan to attend a wedding of my uni mate followed by my ex colleague and most importantly the wedding of my closest friend, all those seems so far away now thanks to the stupid schedule pulled in.
DAMN it why can't i take leave like normal employees do? It is not my fault that the schedule get pulled in, hey i plan to take leave a few months ago and back then the bloody project was still trending WW52... And now it got pulled in, you are sacrifing us?? What happen to planning? With this kind of planning, how could you still question my planning? DAMNIT !%&)(!$!%&&*) I'm really starting to think that the only way i can take a leave like a normal person is either i resign from this dept (or company) or i'm dead sick that i can't even walk. Else i will never be able to take a good day of leave for self enjoyment...
P/S: I'm having so much frustration bottled up inside me, i feel like i'm going to blow and i have my manager to thank for this mount of frustration....... YEA .. U.... with a finger pointing at U
I'm sighing this time is because of my stupid leaves. I'm begining to think that this damn company (else this dept) of mine is not allowing me to take any days of leave at all.
My first time applying for leave was during Aug 2008 where i've planned and made reservation to go to Bangkok with my friends, and for that few days of leaves i ended up almost quarreling with my coordinator and my supervisor.
The second time i applied for leave was during my brother's ROM, it was on a friday. At the same night, on Friday, i recieve a call from my manager asking me whether is it possible for me to go back to work the next day. I went "I'm now in KL, and I have things to do tomorrow" yet my manager is not very "keen" with my answer so it was another "sigh" moment... But i was lucky that during my brother's wedding i could attend it with a peace of heart....
On my forth time if leave application, it was an emergency leave. The leave was to attend my grnadmother's funeral, and again i need to reply to some urgent emails asking me to deliver some data. In the end, i have to take a quick leave after the service and take the next bus back and get back to work the next day, assuming that nothing happened.
So this will be my fifth time applying for leave... i told my supervisor of my leave intention and even sent her a list on the days i wish to be on leave. After not receiving a YES or NO from her i decided to ask her for it and then... just then my manager came out and say, "I wish to lock down all the leave until end of the year" and the first thing that come to my mind was... WTF~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!! NOT AGAIN~~~~~~!!!!!!!!! I plan to attend a wedding of my uni mate followed by my ex colleague and most importantly the wedding of my closest friend, all those seems so far away now thanks to the stupid schedule pulled in.
DAMN it why can't i take leave like normal employees do? It is not my fault that the schedule get pulled in, hey i plan to take leave a few months ago and back then the bloody project was still trending WW52... And now it got pulled in, you are sacrifing us?? What happen to planning? With this kind of planning, how could you still question my planning? DAMNIT !%&)(!$!%&&*) I'm really starting to think that the only way i can take a leave like a normal person is either i resign from this dept (or company) or i'm dead sick that i can't even walk. Else i will never be able to take a good day of leave for self enjoyment...
P/S: I'm having so much frustration bottled up inside me, i feel like i'm going to blow and i have my manager to thank for this mount of frustration....... YEA .. U.... with a finger pointing at U
Friday, November 13, 2009
5 , 10, 15 years plan?
The future... something that seems so distant yet so close; something that feels so imaginary yet is real; something so unpredictable yet so anticipated.... i can go on braging but basically you catch my drift.
Been having a lot chat with my friends lately and one distingush topic that can't seems to escape is the topic of "My life as an engineer... ... sux" so much so that i think i can begin to compile a book on a million and one reason why NOT to be an engineer. Which very indirectly made me to think... do i still want to be an engineer after 5 years? If yes, what about 10 years later?
Don't get me wrong, i still like what i'm doing so i've no problem gulping down all those dead cats, dancing in the wok or swimming in hot water but the main question remain... for how much more longer? Of my friends here agreed that engineer is not a good line of work, the name is good and the starting (this needs to be highlighted as this is the only benifit i see as an engineer) pay is just great but in the long run... well if you done the math, you ain't going to stay there for the money.
I have a friend who has lost his "umph" to continue as an engineer and want to take up lecturing, and this is the most "professional" answer that i've got. All my other friends are more to the financial side of the picture:- one who want to go into investment as an career; another wish to quit and just go back to the family business; one who want to quit and start his own business; and i even have a friend who wants to start a business even before begining practicing. It's all 'bout the money ~~ it's all 'bout the dum dum .... .... ....
So what is there left for me ?? I've not thought about not doing engineering, i've not thought about starting a business... i've not even put much thought about my future for crying out loud... sigh... I'm a good employee till now but will that forever be my path? Just another employee?? Ohhhh~~ the dilemma
Been having a lot chat with my friends lately and one distingush topic that can't seems to escape is the topic of "My life as an engineer... ... sux" so much so that i think i can begin to compile a book on a million and one reason why NOT to be an engineer. Which very indirectly made me to think... do i still want to be an engineer after 5 years? If yes, what about 10 years later?
Don't get me wrong, i still like what i'm doing so i've no problem gulping down all those dead cats, dancing in the wok or swimming in hot water but the main question remain... for how much more longer? Of my friends here agreed that engineer is not a good line of work, the name is good and the starting (this needs to be highlighted as this is the only benifit i see as an engineer) pay is just great but in the long run... well if you done the math, you ain't going to stay there for the money.
I have a friend who has lost his "umph" to continue as an engineer and want to take up lecturing, and this is the most "professional" answer that i've got. All my other friends are more to the financial side of the picture:- one who want to go into investment as an career; another wish to quit and just go back to the family business; one who want to quit and start his own business; and i even have a friend who wants to start a business even before begining practicing. It's all 'bout the money ~~ it's all 'bout the dum dum .... .... ....
So what is there left for me ?? I've not thought about not doing engineering, i've not thought about starting a business... i've not even put much thought about my future for crying out loud... sigh... I'm a good employee till now but will that forever be my path? Just another employee?? Ohhhh~~ the dilemma
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Drifting apart
It seems to me that i've been there and yet not there for awhile now. I can't help but to feel that i'm drifting further away from my peers at work, not all of them but most of them i think... Could it be due to my boss or it is just me? I'm getting more serious and less idiotic lately, and the more serious i am the further apart i feel. A colleague of mine used to chat with me a lot but lately we hardly speak to each other .... and this symptome seems to be expanding to my other colleagues, one by one... Is this my fault?? Sigh .... I guess i'm bounded to be Mr Lonely ...
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Dumb or insufficient knowledge?
Through a freaky accident i've triggered my boss's interest in me. Since the first day i've join this dept till yesterday, my manager has not shown any interest in my everyday ongoing but all the sudden it changed... All the sudden he gived me some AR and ask me to get the answer the following day and all the sudden i felt like Jack Bauer. I got 24 hrs to get the answers he wanted ... i was desperate.... and today was round 2, another 24 hrs, another sets of question requiring another sets of answer.
In a way it felt like my boss is helping me to grow by pressuring me so i should feel greatful but on the otherhand i feel stressed and tension by his actions. He is asking me stuff that i have no ideas about and with what ever knowledge that i have i've given it to him but it is still not enough... now i am really scared, i'm scared that i might not be up for this.
Will i survive? I hope i would.... so if u dun see me updating my blog in a very long time, then u know what had happened to me .... .... ...
busy studying la ... not yet die .... i hope hahaha
In a way it felt like my boss is helping me to grow by pressuring me so i should feel greatful but on the otherhand i feel stressed and tension by his actions. He is asking me stuff that i have no ideas about and with what ever knowledge that i have i've given it to him but it is still not enough... now i am really scared, i'm scared that i might not be up for this.
Will i survive? I hope i would.... so if u dun see me updating my blog in a very long time, then u know what had happened to me .... .... ...
busy studying la ... not yet die .... i hope hahaha
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
A fish trip
Last weekend was a long and nice weekend. It was a trip with my fellow mates for a fish hunt. It is also a part of our belated celebration for Deric... but the food is more important not forgetting it's also a part of our gang's gathering
CK came and ask us to go for a Soon Hock or Marbled Goby trip and we've been planning ever since. Got to the mainland about 230 and by 330 we were already in a cybercafe reliving and reminding ourself what our teenage days were like. We went DotA-ing hehe... and then we were off....
We got to Selama, Perak, lead by CK. I must say he is good in remembering roads. He chose the inner roads and avoided the tolls which means we were now in unfamiliar grounds. Yet he knows exactly where to turn, there is not even a thing we could use as a landmark and he is driving as if he knows it like the back of his hands.
Anyway i'll cut the yapping share the food hehe ...
Soon Hock's meat texture... yummy. Once you bite into it, the meat spreads and it almost feel like crab meat but it's more fine n juicy.. kodus to the cook.
The damage~~ ouch~~
CK came and ask us to go for a Soon Hock or Marbled Goby trip and we've been planning ever since. Got to the mainland about 230 and by 330 we were already in a cybercafe reliving and reminding ourself what our teenage days were like. We went DotA-ing hehe... and then we were off....
We got to Selama, Perak, lead by CK. I must say he is good in remembering roads. He chose the inner roads and avoided the tolls which means we were now in unfamiliar grounds. Yet he knows exactly where to turn, there is not even a thing we could use as a landmark and he is driving as if he knows it like the back of his hands.
Anyway i'll cut the yapping share the food hehe ...
Soon Hock's meat texture... yummy. Once you bite into it, the meat spreads and it almost feel like crab meat but it's more fine n juicy.. kodus to the cook.
The damage~~ ouch~~
Friday, October 23, 2009
High salary paying job?
How many of u have this experience... "You're soooooo rich so of course no problem to buy that..." or any equivalent statement. Well i get that a lot and mostly from my own group of friends; i mean hey, if i'm an engineer and your not then i could understand the logic in that since non-engineering field have a lower starting pay but most of the non-engineering field have an exponential increments, have they put that into consideration when they make such statement? Dun think so.... .... Anyway back to my story... if this statement comes from an engineering field friend then .... .... well its kinda frustrated to hear.
Non-engineers will compare their pay with an engineer and will fire a tomahawk at me saying i'm filthy rich; but when it comes to engineers they will compare company and then bombard you with endless rounds ammonition.Sometimes Most of the time ... I just hate it .... Just because i work in "I" it doesn't mean i own a money photocopier.... sigh... Yes, i have OT allowance and most of my engineering friends don't but it's not my fault that mine have OT. If you really wanna add this point to you bullets then the only thing i can say is, you choose the company when you join it so don't flame me on that, it's your mistake. Don't like your pay? Don't like the benefits? Change job lar~~ Don't take your frustration on me, i got a lower paying job too but you didn't see me complain much so why do you want to pin your frustration on me?
To you guys who thinks i have a high paying job then please look here, hey "I" is not even on the list... then try to get a position in any of those company... FYI, if you are interested to knowing the average pay in our lovely country for 2008... http://fit.mmu.edu.my/files/kellysalaryguidemy.pdf
Non-engineers will compare their pay with an engineer and will fire a tomahawk at me saying i'm filthy rich; but when it comes to engineers they will compare company and then bombard you with endless rounds ammonition.
To you guys who thinks i have a high paying job then please look here, hey "I" is not even on the list... then try to get a position in any of those company... FYI, if you are interested to knowing the average pay in our lovely country for 2008... http://fit.mmu.edu.my/files/kellysalaryguidemy.pdf
Friday, September 25, 2009
Old, old friends gathering
It was saturday nite and i was in KL. It would seems to be kinda stupid if i were to stay at home that nite so i decided a friend. After a few phone calls i was asked to go to another friend's bachelor nite. I gived it a thought and had a "what-the-hell" moment, so i went.
When i arrived only i notice how long it has been since i saw some of them, some almost 10 years. And little do i know, i was "invited" the be the wedding buddy, a last minute invitation to an event that i shouldn't decline so i accepted. Well it could be fun, MBS culture again. Later we were all there with beers and some wine there, crapping about all the shit that happen back in the old school days. Damn can't really believe that it's been so, so, so, long ago.
We chit-chatted till 230am before going home to hit the sack before waking up early the next day to give my lil Goldielocks there a quick shower.
Well more updates on our old school dinner next time ..
When i arrived only i notice how long it has been since i saw some of them, some almost 10 years. And little do i know, i was "invited" the be the wedding buddy, a last minute invitation to an event that i shouldn't decline so i accepted. Well it could be fun, MBS culture again. Later we were all there with beers and some wine there, crapping about all the shit that happen back in the old school days. Damn can't really believe that it's been so, so, so, long ago.
We chit-chatted till 230am before going home to hit the sack before waking up early the next day to give my lil Goldielocks there a quick shower.
Well more updates on our old school dinner next time ..
Friday, September 18, 2009
Laziness ~~
U know what.. i'm feeling lazy. Lazy cause of the fact it's the holidays again or just i don't feel like doing anything ? I don't know. But i do know i don't want to do anything. I'm trying to make my blog more "entertaining" ... ... ok, i'm going jibberish again.... hahah ..
Just that i've not been updating my blog for a week now. So was thinking whether will i do it during the holidays? Things to crap about ....
Will think of some other rubbish to add in later ... after work.... if i hv mood... if i remember ... if.. if... if.... wat the heck .... hahaha ~~ :p
Just that i've not been updating my blog for a week now. So was thinking whether will i do it during the holidays? Things to crap about ....
- Food... tried a mee goreng at Lorong Bangkok in Penang (taste good) and the Coconut Jelly too
Work, bench swapping... #achoooooo# god the dust is phenominal. - MooooV, UP UP and away~~~ (no i'm not talking about Superman)
- Farewel, sad story.... sigh...
Will think of some other rubbish to add in later ... after work.... if i hv mood... if i remember ... if.. if... if.... wat the heck .... hahaha ~~ :p
Thursday, September 10, 2009
District 9
It time for me to give another movie comment ... this time it is to the movie District 9. Overall i would give it a 3.8 to 4 out of 5 for story line and for others... ... ... well it is a twist (it seems that my last movie was a twist too) . Again it is Meng who came up with the idea of a movie at around 230 pm TODAY to watch a movie TODAY...
Well if u gonna watch this movie make sure u are on the last row and hope you bring a long plastic bag, just in case u nid to throw up... i got all dizzy after bout 40 mins of the movie, and spend 40% of time rest of the movie with my eyes closed, 20% listening to the plot and the other 20% ACTUALLY watching it.
Please dun get me wrong. The movie plot was actually very good, it's just that i think they need to work on the "presentation" part of the movie... It's way too shakey and too "documentary" haha ... Hey this movie actually scored a "A-" on Yahoo's movie review.
Anyway i dun think this post will mean much since this movie is kinda old...
Well if u gonna watch this movie make sure u are on the last row and hope you bring a long plastic bag, just in case u nid to throw up... i got all dizzy after bout 40 mins of the movie, and spend 40% of time rest of the movie with my eyes closed, 20% listening to the plot and the other 20% ACTUALLY watching it.
Please dun get me wrong. The movie plot was actually very good, it's just that i think they need to work on the "presentation" part of the movie... It's way too shakey and too "documentary" haha ... Hey this movie actually scored a "A-" on Yahoo's movie review.
Anyway i dun think this post will mean much since this movie is kinda old...
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Endless .... .... ....
Now before i proceed, i was just wondering whether does any of you will think "This is gotta be one his days at work of endless job etc..." or anything equivalent? I mean i gotta admit i've been bragging about my work for quite some time now, especially on my Facebook and i know it is starting to annoy people. After reading some Facebook related "publications" i think i'll start to be a "smart" Facebook-er and try not to offend anyone there haha.... anyway this post is not about work its about something else.
Well, until yesterday i have received 5 wedding invitations (and the number might add to 6) in the next three months. The best part is, some are across states. I have one in Oct then two in Nov and 2 in Dec. And some of them are back to back... one after another ... According to one of my "invitee", this year is a very good year in the Lunar Calendar and next is a bad year so most people will try to make it in this Lunar Calendar year. All i was able to do was nod and let out a sigh. Two colleagues, two ex-colleagues and another is a best friend. Of the five i've already agreed to attend at least 2 and it is not even my best friend's dun think i can say no to that righ; anyway should i go to agree to all?? It's a financial burden u know... and yet it is a once in a lifetime event so i shouldn't miss it either...
What should i do??? If i agree to all then it would be a Perak - Penang - KL - Muar - KL trip... supported by a back to back dinner then it would be a mind and body taxing event too. Dilemma...
Well, until yesterday i have received 5 wedding invitations (and the number might add to 6) in the next three months. The best part is, some are across states. I have one in Oct then two in Nov and 2 in Dec. And some of them are back to back... one after another ... According to one of my "invitee", this year is a very good year in the Lunar Calendar and next is a bad year so most people will try to make it in this Lunar Calendar year. All i was able to do was nod and let out a sigh. Two colleagues, two ex-colleagues and another is a best friend. Of the five i've already agreed to attend at least 2 and it is not even my best friend's dun think i can say no to that righ; anyway should i go to agree to all?? It's a financial burden u know... and yet it is a once in a lifetime event so i shouldn't miss it either...
What should i do??? If i agree to all then it would be a Perak - Penang - KL - Muar - KL trip... supported by a back to back dinner then it would be a mind and body taxing event too. Dilemma...
Sunday, September 06, 2009
I'm bored~
Nothing is new here.. yea, i'm bored and always have been for quite some time now so i went to search on something on the world wide web for a topic that has been going on for some time ... ... basically is about me, or should i say things said about me...
Girls
Girls 2
Hahaha ... no, i just simply do it out of curiousity and for fun. Its kinda educational in a way. I know a lot stuff althought not on all topic but this is topic that i have no knowledge about. Sigh.... i could blame myself for not going to "learn" it but.... well i dunno.
Work has been very much about me since it is the only place where i can feel the appreciation and sense of belongingness. And like all things, all good things must come to an end, and when it does i will go from a appreciated person back into a nobody. So due to this reason, i like working, i like being involved in projects, it is the only time where people knows that i'm alive. I guess this is due to the bad experience back in my secondary school days and it got futher amplified as i reach college where people will come looking for me when they have issues and bark at me when i'm unable to deliver also forgets me when issues is resolved.
YES~~ I'm a peon and as Bluewindz like to put it, i'm an Bangla... ermmm let me upgrade myself, i'm an Titanium Bangla.
Hahaha ... no, i just simply do it out of curiousity and for fun. Its kinda educational in a way. I know a lot stuff althought not on all topic but this is topic that i have no knowledge about. Sigh.... i could blame myself for not going to "learn" it but.... well i dunno.
Work has been very much about me since it is the only place where i can feel the appreciation and sense of belongingness. And like all things, all good things must come to an end, and when it does i will go from a appreciated person back into a nobody. So due to this reason, i like working, i like being involved in projects, it is the only time where people knows that i'm alive. I guess this is due to the bad experience back in my secondary school days and it got futher amplified as i reach college where people will come looking for me when they have issues and bark at me when i'm unable to deliver also forgets me when issues is resolved.
YES~~ I'm a peon and as Bluewindz like to put it, i'm an Bangla... ermmm let me upgrade myself, i'm an Titanium Bangla.
Addiction
Yea... i'm addicted to something nowadays... I usually spend my weekends at home watching youtubes and usually looking for some documentary and i got addicted to MythBuster then it was MonsterSearch then MegaStructure, er.. there was somethings on Ancient Civilation and Ancient Warriors well the list goes on.
Anyway my new addiction is still related to videos... now it's TED talks. I was first introduced to the talk via a friend's link in facebook but it was from youtube. Later thanks to Anupam who told me of th official site to the TED talks and since then i would visit the site few times a week looking for some interesting talks. The talks are nice and educational since the speakers are really good in what they do. So if u ever nid something to stimulate your mind, i would personally recomend it.
Anyway my new addiction is still related to videos... now it's TED talks. I was first introduced to the talk via a friend's link in facebook but it was from youtube. Later thanks to Anupam who told me of th official site to the TED talks and since then i would visit the site few times a week looking for some interesting talks. The talks are nice and educational since the speakers are really good in what they do. So if u ever nid something to stimulate your mind, i would personally recomend it.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
ROM??
This seems to be a very new word to me. All this while the only ROM i knew was Read Only Memory, now it has evolved into another word that is so foreign to me that it is almost alien... Registration of Marrige. Hahahahahahhahahhahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ....
Please excuse my rudeness. I can't help but to feel helpless when i see this word. It just seems to foreign to me and yet it's been popping up here and there. My colleague registered last year and is getting married this year and then another close buddy of mine just attended his own ROM with another good friend of mine, and ... well just a lot of ROMs and marrige going on and i can't help to feel that it is just the begining....
This just got me thinking.... as many ROM and marrige that i see and heard, i have seen and heard my fair share of death and sickness too. Quoting from a Chinese series "How many tenth of years do we have in life?" which is quite true... i always tell people life should be lived not endured but look at me. Am i living life or enduring it?
A simple cycle yet i see so many is unable to fulfill it. Maybe the simpliest things in life are the hardest to accomplished. I'm building my career and i've almost lost touch with family and the "best" part is that death just seems not so far away nowadays. I've passed the first two stage... and like the song goes...where is the luv~~ ... where is the luv ~~ the luv ~~ the luv
Please excuse my rudeness. I can't help but to feel helpless when i see this word. It just seems to foreign to me and yet it's been popping up here and there. My colleague registered last year and is getting married this year and then another close buddy of mine just attended his own ROM with another good friend of mine, and ... well just a lot of ROMs and marrige going on and i can't help to feel that it is just the begining....
This just got me thinking.... as many ROM and marrige that i see and heard, i have seen and heard my fair share of death and sickness too. Quoting from a Chinese series "How many tenth of years do we have in life?" which is quite true... i always tell people life should be lived not endured but look at me. Am i living life or enduring it?
Birth - growing up - career - love - family - death
A simple cycle yet i see so many is unable to fulfill it. Maybe the simpliest things in life are the hardest to accomplished. I'm building my career and i've almost lost touch with family and the "best" part is that death just seems not so far away nowadays. I've passed the first two stage... and like the song goes...where is the luv~~ ... where is the luv ~~ the luv ~~ the luv
In the end...
Well this is actually a back post... a back post about my grandmother's funeral. Yea.. funeral... a funny topic i would say. I remember some years ago when i met an old friend and we came to a common topic which is death. During our old school days we do not care much about money other than how should we spend it. But as time goes by there comes the topic such as love, work, money, weddings and death. Anyway... ...
At my grandmother's funeral, she had a Christian funeral btw, the final few steps we took together was at her church. There was the service by the father and everyone was in the church and listning. As usual whenever i am in a holy place i would start to feel uneasy as i will start to think about something about everything and i will end up with a blured mind. This time i didn't went that far (at least i wasn't blurred), i was thinking about things i would say etc.
Anyway at the end of the service, we pay our last (at least for me) to her. We lined up and as we walk out the church we would stop by her coffin. As the pace was kinda slow as we are walking out, i had time to start to feel the enviroment. By the time i reach the coffin, again all i said was "good bye and rest well" and as i reach the exit i felt tears building up. And this time i feel it... i felt the sadness and the grief, i felt tears. Something i haven't really felt in a very long time.
After minutes of sadness and grief... i stopped, i calmed myself and minutes later i'm back to normal.... anyway i didn't follow everyone till the end as i need to rush back to Penang.
At my grandmother's funeral, she had a Christian funeral btw, the final few steps we took together was at her church. There was the service by the father and everyone was in the church and listning. As usual whenever i am in a holy place i would start to feel uneasy as i will start to think about something about everything and i will end up with a blured mind. This time i didn't went that far (at least i wasn't blurred), i was thinking about things i would say etc.
Anyway at the end of the service, we pay our last (at least for me) to her. We lined up and as we walk out the church we would stop by her coffin. As the pace was kinda slow as we are walking out, i had time to start to feel the enviroment. By the time i reach the coffin, again all i said was "good bye and rest well" and as i reach the exit i felt tears building up. And this time i feel it... i felt the sadness and the grief, i felt tears. Something i haven't really felt in a very long time.
After minutes of sadness and grief... i stopped, i calmed myself and minutes later i'm back to normal.... anyway i didn't follow everyone till the end as i need to rush back to Penang.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
CRAP~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *%&^(!&)^&*^&)(!^&
Dammit... as i was leaving my house i dented my car again... the bloody place has such sharp corners and usually i would hv avoided it but what this time i missed?? CRAP~~~!!!!!! When i arrive in the lab i accidently knock on my probes and broke another of a very scarce ... double crap... damnit damnit damnit... what a way to start of my week at work...
need to flush this out of my system to avoid me burning up people to a cinder with my fiery breath of death... ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
LIFE SUX~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
need to flush this out of my system to avoid me burning up people to a cinder with my fiery breath of death... ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
LIFE SUX~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, August 24, 2009
All over...
Sunday... at approx 840am my dad told me that grandma is gone. I was at their hotel room in Penang since they came up to pray for my aunt who passed away in 2004 together with my cousins. I was not stunned or do i feel suprised, it was slightly more than an "ohh.." moment but there was no sadness there. And to make the story even better, dad says he heard grandpa telling him that he is taking grandma along with him. Spooky?? Well it's family so i can't say that it is spooky.
We arrived at Kek Lok Si and then i decided to inform my bosses about the incident and that i need to take off from Penang to attend the funeral. It was after i send the sms and that i recieved the reply from my colleague where i start to feel a slight tear in my eye. Although it didn't form big enough to drop or drool down my cheeks but i know it was there. At that moment i did feel sad but it was just for a very short moment so short that when i noticed that it is there, it was all gone. The unfinish droplet suddenly dried up and i was back to normal. After our short prayer, i send dad n mum back to the hotel to get their stuff and then i went back to my house to get my laptop then we are off, back to KL.
Later that night we went to Klang where her body is there. There was not many of the family there. From what i know, she has seen everyone that she wanted to see but she still miss something. She missed the moment to see "the family", she has only seen the members but she has not seen the family as the family. She hung there for a week, fighting and struggling, and just before everyone was able to make it back in time. The "train" left. She was gone. According to Sonya she was crying the night before she "go" tears keep rolling down her cheeks, maybe she knew she is at her limit, that she could not hold any longer... i guess those are the tears of dissapointment, tears of regret, tears of un-fulfilment.
I went to her coffin just before i left and i looked at her, through the glass window. At that moment, i feel a weight, a weight weighing down on me from within. It is slightly heavy, it was slightly burden, it was some sort making me a little heavy on my breathing. Unlike how i felt last time in front of grandpa, this time there is no negetive feeling in me. Over at grandpa i felt bad for not appologizing for some of the things i said and done, but in front of grandma there was nothing. Except for the "heavy" feeling there was nothing else. And unlike other aunt whom pass away bout 3 years back there was no sadness.
Before i leave i just say in my heart. Rest now grandma....
I wonder how would i feel later at her funeral tomorrow. I'll take the next bus back to Penang and hopefully able to make it in time to go back to the lab to do some work. Has work dulled my senses??
We arrived at Kek Lok Si and then i decided to inform my bosses about the incident and that i need to take off from Penang to attend the funeral. It was after i send the sms and that i recieved the reply from my colleague where i start to feel a slight tear in my eye. Although it didn't form big enough to drop or drool down my cheeks but i know it was there. At that moment i did feel sad but it was just for a very short moment so short that when i noticed that it is there, it was all gone. The unfinish droplet suddenly dried up and i was back to normal. After our short prayer, i send dad n mum back to the hotel to get their stuff and then i went back to my house to get my laptop then we are off, back to KL.
Later that night we went to Klang where her body is there. There was not many of the family there. From what i know, she has seen everyone that she wanted to see but she still miss something. She missed the moment to see "the family", she has only seen the members but she has not seen the family as the family. She hung there for a week, fighting and struggling, and just before everyone was able to make it back in time. The "train" left. She was gone. According to Sonya she was crying the night before she "go" tears keep rolling down her cheeks, maybe she knew she is at her limit, that she could not hold any longer... i guess those are the tears of dissapointment, tears of regret, tears of un-fulfilment.
I went to her coffin just before i left and i looked at her, through the glass window. At that moment, i feel a weight, a weight weighing down on me from within. It is slightly heavy, it was slightly burden, it was some sort making me a little heavy on my breathing. Unlike how i felt last time in front of grandpa, this time there is no negetive feeling in me. Over at grandpa i felt bad for not appologizing for some of the things i said and done, but in front of grandma there was nothing. Except for the "heavy" feeling there was nothing else. And unlike other aunt whom pass away bout 3 years back there was no sadness.
Before i leave i just say in my heart. Rest now grandma....
I wonder how would i feel later at her funeral tomorrow. I'll take the next bus back to Penang and hopefully able to make it in time to go back to the lab to do some work. Has work dulled my senses??
Monday, August 17, 2009
Hope u r alright...
Just got a sms from my bro not long ago... he say that one of our cousin is saying that grandma is in critical condition... .... seriously... i do not know how to react. I'm still in the lab helping my GT out with some board issue and at the same time i got this news which is kinda disturbing. How should i react? What should i do? What could i do?
Here i am again in a large cold room with nobody else but me, is this a good setting for me to be in right now??? But frankly it would be much of a difference too even if i am with a bunch of friends i guess... when i got this news i could have easily shared it with my GT who is sitting right next to me, but i didn't ... i chose to held it in and act like nothing happened and said totally nothing... ...
Had just finish my dinner and i'm suppose to continue with my work but i really do feel disturb by this news (that is why i'm writting this blog i guess).... I'm miles and miles away so i know there is nothing that i can do so no point for me to be disturbed right? Come to think of it, grandma has not been in very good shape since last year so being in critical condition should not come as a suprise right? So for me trying to feel normal should be normal, right?? But it's family, regardless how far away you are, as long as you know that a family member is not in a good shape you have your share of sadness and worries, right? Why am I slapping my right hand with my left hand here... I'm making statements that contradicts everything... ...
Seriously i do not hope to get any suprises from my brother again tonight.... or any other night ... ... hope you are alright grandma ... ... ....
Edited at 8.48pm: I'm at home now, can't get over what i just wrote here so i decided to add in a few more words. I should be feeling sad and worried now but i don't think i'm feeling that but i do feel confused. Confused at why am i feeling confused instead of worried... why is that? What is wrong with me? Have i lost my ability to feel again? Another confusing night in the corrupted mind of the Leech.
Here i am again in a large cold room with nobody else but me, is this a good setting for me to be in right now??? But frankly it would be much of a difference too even if i am with a bunch of friends i guess... when i got this news i could have easily shared it with my GT who is sitting right next to me, but i didn't ... i chose to held it in and act like nothing happened and said totally nothing... ...
Had just finish my dinner and i'm suppose to continue with my work but i really do feel disturb by this news (that is why i'm writting this blog i guess).... I'm miles and miles away so i know there is nothing that i can do so no point for me to be disturbed right? Come to think of it, grandma has not been in very good shape since last year so being in critical condition should not come as a suprise right? So for me trying to feel normal should be normal, right?? But it's family, regardless how far away you are, as long as you know that a family member is not in a good shape you have your share of sadness and worries, right? Why am I slapping my right hand with my left hand here... I'm making statements that contradicts everything... ...
Seriously i do not hope to get any suprises from my brother again tonight.... or any other night ... ... hope you are alright grandma ... ... ....
Edited at 8.48pm: I'm at home now, can't get over what i just wrote here so i decided to add in a few more words. I should be feeling sad and worried now but i don't think i'm feeling that but i do feel confused. Confused at why am i feeling confused instead of worried... why is that? What is wrong with me? Have i lost my ability to feel again? Another confusing night in the corrupted mind of the Leech.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Internal flame
This is actually what happen about a week ago... an incident that fuel me up so much that i feel like i can do a "scorched earth" on Bayan Lepas with relative ease. Let me go into some background before i continue my bullet bombardment. There was a task that was originally assigned to me but it was later given to "the-person-whose-name-should-not-be-spoken" or TPWNSNBS (wow even in short the name is still damn long haha... let's cut the name shorter ... ok.. i'll just call it as "It" hahahaha) to handle. For me it was blessing since i had my hands tied then.
Time pass ... .... ...
Then shyt happens... "It" suddenly say that "It" is feeling too tension causing "It" to fall sick and do not wish to continue the task. So out of the blue i have to take the task back and continue working on it, which during that time i was still ok with it. So i worked on it and try to finish what ever loose ends available.
Few days later ... ... hell broke loose again, at least from my end.
All the sudden "It" says "It" want to take back the task and continue where "It" has left of... Seriously when i got the news i was feeling so angry, WTH~~ when u wan it, u take it; when u don't feel like it, u just throw it away? (sorry for my choice of words here) Fuk U ~~~~~~~~~ I'm not a ball where you can throw me around wherever and whenever you want. To makes matter worse "It" wish to test my EQ and ask to talk about this matter... damn i still need to put on a smiley face to discuss about something i'm so enrage about.
I can work with anyone regardless of their attitude and personality or how much i dislike them as long as they perform professionally at work. This is something i instill within myself and i've always perform to my best on this matter; but since you can't even give me the pleasure of treating you professionally as a professional then do not blame me for treating you as a slob as you are from now onwards. This is not the first time you perform un-professionally and i seriously doubt this will be the last either. How can people (i'm soooo tempted to use the word slime) survive here? Damn it.. life is so unfair.
Time pass ... .... ...
Then shyt happens... "It" suddenly say that "It" is feeling too tension causing "It" to fall sick and do not wish to continue the task. So out of the blue i have to take the task back and continue working on it, which during that time i was still ok with it. So i worked on it and try to finish what ever loose ends available.
Few days later ... ... hell broke loose again, at least from my end.
All the sudden "It" says "It" want to take back the task and continue where "It" has left of... Seriously when i got the news i was feeling so angry, WTH~~ when u wan it, u take it; when u don't feel like it, u just throw it away? (sorry for my choice of words here) Fuk U ~~~~~~~~~ I'm not a ball where you can throw me around wherever and whenever you want. To makes matter worse "It" wish to test my EQ and ask to talk about this matter... damn i still need to put on a smiley face to discuss about something i'm so enrage about.
I can work with anyone regardless of their attitude and personality or how much i dislike them as long as they perform professionally at work. This is something i instill within myself and i've always perform to my best on this matter; but since you can't even give me the pleasure of treating you professionally as a professional then do not blame me for treating you as a slob as you are from now onwards. This is not the first time you perform un-professionally and i seriously doubt this will be the last either. How can people (i'm soooo tempted to use the word slime) survive here? Damn it.. life is so unfair.
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