Season of Loneliness

If i've ever wonder how is like being lonely.. today is a vry good example. After class i was in the library finishing up on something. Later i went to DSA n had a chat wif the officer. The chat lasted for sometime, and it started raining vry heavily. I have no where to go so i sat there n waited. The dance club committees was there n i know most of them but as they were bz preparing for their event next week so i din spend much time talking to them. Anyway, the loneliness part is not tis. May be it is.. ... well u see, i was there sitting there like an idiot nobody came to talk to me, nor did i went n talk to them. The room just felt so cold all the sudden.. is like nobody care a damn bout u and ur just stranded there... As i din bring along any text book, i can't study, i din wanna go back to the library since its raining, and i cn't do much bout my FYP so i just sat there. Did some mumbo jumbo stuff like the society missing members etc but when i was done i was lonely again. There is just such a void in me that ... ... well feels so empty n sad. I guess tis is wat loniliness feels like.

Having such a feeling i can't help thinking bout something else. All the sudden i feel like i dun belong anywhere. Nobody seems to know or care bout me when there is nothing going on; i can't help feeling that my presence is only felt whever there is a crisis or havoc going on. I'm the type of person that would jump in, make it happen, moderate the flow and then dissapear into thin air again without having people knowin that i was gone or knowing i was even there. And after an event is over, my existance will be wipe off the history books... To be unknown is nothing; but to be forgotten.. ... ... is worse than death.

Here lies
the unknown,
unheard, and
unseen
entity only known as Leech... ... xxxx - xxxx


Another thing that is borthing me is that, today is the 2nd time i bump into SC and somehow is like i can't squeeze a word in. Is like i'm no longer welcomed in her frenship circle.. wel mayb is just me being too sensitive but i can't help it. I just can't help it if i'm getting a negetive aura from friends... i feel so .. ... uncomfortable, so uneasy.... an icky feeling. I dunno wat happen but i intend to find out, may be after the showcase as she's also involve in it. Anyway i think it doesn't matter as i need to focus more on my thesis that all these things; yet when come to think of it. Is it worth it to lose a fren just because of academic?? Ez question but a twisted answer.

Before i end, i found that there is a song that could represent how i'm feeling, its the chinese song by Lin Dan, "Yi ke ren shen wuo", Survive alone. (I might have got the singer's name wrongly)

Feelings.. y r u back?? I thought i've put u away so that i do not have to feel again.. but how come ur back??? Dealing wif feelings n emotions can really wear u down ... ... ... Be strong, stay focus n execute!!!