Secret? What secret?

Have u ever stop and wonder that does it mean by private and confidential? Or has u ever question the defination of the word secret ? Today i stop and ask myself that question, what is P&C and what is a secret? Does different people have different defination for those words? I mean we study the same English language as everyone else so how can there be a difference in defination for the same word? Sigh~

I have people asking why don't i ever share my problems, thoughts and feelings with them; and i have people who urge me to tell them my deepest thoughts. And i wonder why indeed? Why don't i ever share them with any of my friends? Hmmmm.... There is only 1 answer... I dun trust people, even for friends, i only have that amount of trust in them with my secrets. I have no trouble with other stuff but not my inner thoughts... I just don't. And somehow i got some justification to further enhance this thought. Yes keeping everything to myself is hard but comparing to risk of having others to know about it too... I rather sufficate myself with these thoughts. I too longed for someone to share it with, but alas... .... there is only me for now...

I once told some of my friends about something they really wanted to know and EVERYONE promised that whatever we said will not leave this place but alas... ... not long after we left that place then... ... few of the closer members of the gang seems to got the news and it seems to grew to even more people. If those words aren't suppose to leave the place then y izzit that people that are not present there knew about those things? And when i brought this up, the reply was it was because they are the closer bunch and it is a good thing. Which brought me back to my initial question, is there a difference in meaning for the same words? How come after using the English / Chinese language for 20 odd years i didn't know that the defination of a particular word could change so much in just a twist of situation? I felt so double crossed, being sold out by my friends who promise me one thing but in the end did another. And YES, to those who know wat am i refering about, i DID NOT FORGET this.

A similiar thing happen to me again just recently... i chose not to tell is coz i do not wan it to be known to all but somehow my friend told another of my friend something that i never wanted any more people to know... IF i wanted him to know i would have told him MYSELF... y are people around me making decision on wat to tell other people about MY things when it is suppose to be me who is making THOSE decision.

There was another incident where a friend is hinting others of an incident and when i approach him telling him wat he did, all i got was "In the end i didn't give out anything." I mean how could i trust this person... he is telling the world that he knows something that other people does not know about and temp others to ask him about it... is this also qualify as keeping a secret? God... i really begin to think that my command of language and their meaning is going down the drain.

Sometimes i wonder whether does my friends know why don't i ever tell them things; sometimes i wonder do they even remember what they promised me? I've always thought that once you promise someone that you are not to tell, u shall bring that knowledge with you to your grave unless you are given permission to tell. Isn't this wat a secret is suppose to be? Am i wrong? Please correct me if i am, so i won't live a stupid and idiotic life again.

Keeping a secret is hard, but that is wat makes you a trustworthy person. A secret is called a secret for a reason and nobody wish to have his/her secret to b known to the world. And if one decide to tell you their secret is because they know that you will keep it to yourself and yourself only.