I got a phone call from a fren just now saying that she's well.. technically not in a vry good mood. A lot of things on her mind and she was wonderin whether she can find some1 to talk to or not... well as usual i din turn her down n become her listener. She told me a lot of problems she is currently facing, with uni stuff, wif relationship, wif herself... we chatted abuot 20mins b4 she wish me gud nite...
I cant help to wonder y did she decided to call me up n tell me all this? I mean usually girls won't find a guy when expressing their sadness right? Even a guy will find his guy frens if he is down; so why me? I went to ask one of my "sis" and she told me that i am a dependable person that she could trust. I oso ask her wat other criteria will look at b4 finding somebody to express her sadness to. She oso say if she sad she will talk to her fren that can cheer her up... so am i a dependable person or amd i some1 that could cheer ppl up??
Will i ever find some1 whom i can express my sadness to?? Wat criteria would i look for when expressing myself??
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
My worse week ever
I couldn't believe how unlucky i've been this week.. well i can't say unlucky but i can say its has not been a good week for me. Initially i thought it was going to be a good week cause i dun nid to see my boss and my leader since they went to attend a training on wed n thurs while i was in North Plant on mon n tue so imagine 4 days without seeing your boss face hahahaa... but my laughter was kinda short lived.
It was Wednesday 615pm, i was leaving the office. Not long after i left the Sg Besi toll, i saw a queue started... me being a smarta** i went to use another route home. I branch off the the MRR2 hoping there won't be much traffic. But my nightmare started as soon as i approach the exit... the jam has started... i couldnt believe the amount of cars that are there. So there i was... in the middle of wat it seems to be an endless que of cars. There were cars queuing up for as far as ur eyes can see and the jam was terrible. Driving my bro's car that day there weren't much i can do inside so all i could do was to sit it out. After about 1hr of jam i found myself less than 10km from where i was the hour before. I begin calling some of my frens hoping i can sit it out with them but it was in vain. I called Green as i approach cheras at approximate 8pmbut she was having dinner wif her family. So all i could do is to continue on. I begin to open up some of my reserve snack to kill time. So there goes my Japanese cookie.
At about 930 i found myself in Ampang and i couldnt do it any more.. i called up my "sis" but she too was on her way home so i was lost. I got too fed up so i make a U turn n make my way to Pandan Indah again to find CCL for dinner. It was the best decision i made that night. We called up Kwai and we ate n chit chat till about 1230 b4 i made my journey home. The jam was over and so is my bed time... i practically doze off without bathing coz i was too tired to do something else but sleep. In the morning when it was freezing mad i took the worse morning bath i had in ages... i was so cold that i was jumping in the bath...
To those who say lightning will not strike the same place twice, well think again. Again i make my journey home at 615 that day and this time the jam started at the toll itself. I was stuck there for almost 50mins i have to make some drastic 90degree turn to switch lanes and when i thought it was going to be a smooth journey home i was struck again by another jam... this time at the Sentul exit.
That night i got home at 840 another 2 and half hour to add to my total time spend in traffic. That 2 night i've spend a total of 6 hours in the car, tired, sleepy, hungry and poor since i nid to refuel my car after this massive jam... life sux~~~~
It was Wednesday 615pm, i was leaving the office. Not long after i left the Sg Besi toll, i saw a queue started... me being a smarta** i went to use another route home. I branch off the the MRR2 hoping there won't be much traffic. But my nightmare started as soon as i approach the exit... the jam has started... i couldnt believe the amount of cars that are there. So there i was... in the middle of wat it seems to be an endless que of cars. There were cars queuing up for as far as ur eyes can see and the jam was terrible. Driving my bro's car that day there weren't much i can do inside so all i could do was to sit it out. After about 1hr of jam i found myself less than 10km from where i was the hour before. I begin calling some of my frens hoping i can sit it out with them but it was in vain. I called Green as i approach cheras at approximate 8pmbut she was having dinner wif her family. So all i could do is to continue on. I begin to open up some of my reserve snack to kill time. So there goes my Japanese cookie.
At about 930 i found myself in Ampang and i couldnt do it any more.. i called up my "sis" but she too was on her way home so i was lost. I got too fed up so i make a U turn n make my way to Pandan Indah again to find CCL for dinner. It was the best decision i made that night. We called up Kwai and we ate n chit chat till about 1230 b4 i made my journey home. The jam was over and so is my bed time... i practically doze off without bathing coz i was too tired to do something else but sleep. In the morning when it was freezing mad i took the worse morning bath i had in ages... i was so cold that i was jumping in the bath...
To those who say lightning will not strike the same place twice, well think again. Again i make my journey home at 615 that day and this time the jam started at the toll itself. I was stuck there for almost 50mins i have to make some drastic 90degree turn to switch lanes and when i thought it was going to be a smooth journey home i was struck again by another jam... this time at the Sentul exit.
That night i got home at 840 another 2 and half hour to add to my total time spend in traffic. That 2 night i've spend a total of 6 hours in the car, tired, sleepy, hungry and poor since i nid to refuel my car after this massive jam... life sux~~~~
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Lozer??
Today is the 2nd day we are at North Plant in the cell line.. ytd was a "ball" where we stand from 8 - 6, today was a little better, we only stand from 8 - 3+ but tis is because there weren't too many sets. Anyway that is nt wat i wanna talk about, wat i wanna talk about is wat Vin said.
It was 330 and Lee and i was still bz helpin Nishiya-san wif the set, i think we were closing the set n preparing for adjustment when Vin said something to Lee. He congratulated him on something, when lee asked wat is he congraluting him about Vin said it short, he say that HY n SW will consider him... and then there was a short silence and then we were back to work. As if nothin happned.
Wat got me a little upset was not wat he said but was how it felt that moment. It felt like i was the rejected one... I know they dun mean anything like that in anyway and i 'm not keeping any grudges on them but hey to say things like this could have some negetive impact on a person's self-esteem. Why do i always have to be on the loosing side when it comes to the ladies .. am i such a loser?? I'm a hero in the office but i'm a zero in front of the ladies. Like i always tell my frens, i'm not tall n strong, i'm not smart, i'm not athletic, i'm not rich and most importantly i'm not good looking so in conclusion i'm pathetic loser when it comes to the ladies. I guess there is just something that u can never run and escape from and just to my "delight" that thing is wat i just mentioned.
Am i so bad?? Am i so low quality? Am i only good for a laugh ?? Am i oni good for task ? Will there be a day where i find someone who will see me and accepts me for who i am? Who will that be and when will that day come? Another famous quote from me
It was 330 and Lee and i was still bz helpin Nishiya-san wif the set, i think we were closing the set n preparing for adjustment when Vin said something to Lee. He congratulated him on something, when lee asked wat is he congraluting him about Vin said it short, he say that HY n SW will consider him... and then there was a short silence and then we were back to work. As if nothin happned.
Wat got me a little upset was not wat he said but was how it felt that moment. It felt like i was the rejected one... I know they dun mean anything like that in anyway and i 'm not keeping any grudges on them but hey to say things like this could have some negetive impact on a person's self-esteem. Why do i always have to be on the loosing side when it comes to the ladies .. am i such a loser?? I'm a hero in the office but i'm a zero in front of the ladies. Like i always tell my frens, i'm not tall n strong, i'm not smart, i'm not athletic, i'm not rich and most importantly i'm not good looking so in conclusion i'm pathetic loser when it comes to the ladies. I guess there is just something that u can never run and escape from and just to my "delight" that thing is wat i just mentioned.
Am i so bad?? Am i so low quality? Am i only good for a laugh ?? Am i oni good for task ? Will there be a day where i find someone who will see me and accepts me for who i am? Who will that be and when will that day come? Another famous quote from me
"I dunno, i dunno, i dunno"and with that.. gud nite to all.. time to hit the sack
Thursday, July 19, 2007
The confused one
Please choose one and tell me which suits me best. Please, feel free to express yourself, good or bad i'm ready for anything u wish to say.
A) Sloppy, indecidesive, childish
B) Matured, competent, hardworking
C) Workaholic, uncompasationate, harsh
D) Others?
Good or evil?
Black or white?
I came a long way to be who i am today, from the cold, iron-fist and ruthless keeper of justice, Lee to the current idiotic lookin, organized yet lazy person, CH. I always tell people, "I am who i am today because of what i did and who i was yesterday." So my days in secondary had really mold me into who i am.
Who?? Who am i?
Am i so much inferior to others that i'm nothing more but a mere person? A guy on the street? Can't i be considered special? One thing is for sure, i'm unaffectionate person but who can i blame for this other than myself.
I'm tired of asking myself this question and yet i can't help it but to question myself of my actions. Sometimes i do things beyond the comprehension of others and yet i sometimes i do stupid things that i know is not worth doing. As i quote the lyrics from a song by All Saints, "All the answers to my questions, i have to find"
To invest time on something that u might not get any return, will you do it? If u do, will u do it full-hearted? Am i only second best?
How do you define "a worthy cause"? Who is qualified to say how or what is a "worthy" thing to do? The first party? Second party?? Or maybe the 3rd party then?? Ain't it enough that the do-er thinks it worth it?? Either way, i do not know..
I come as i like,
I go as i please,
I do what i want,
I take what i need.
Tis is something i came up during my college/uni days and that has been how i've lived my life. I've always done things the way i wants it, when i want it because i've never what other thinks of me, and as long as i manage to deliver then i'm in the clear.. i still believe in this but somehow, it doesn't feels as real as it used to could it be due to the fact that i'm no longer a child, that i need to strive n fight for my own recognition. Again... i dunno, i just dunno.
Old?? Am i starting to feel old? I'm not sure about old but i know i'm getting tired... getting tired of myself, trying to understand myself, wat do i want from myself, wat do i want to do for myself... "Life is never fair, so live wif it" i tell this to my frens whenever some injustice happens to them but does it mean that i can swallow it when the injustice happen to me? NO, of course not, i'm oni human, i wan to be selfish and greedy too.
Why do i always have to be to good guy, be the hero that comes to the rescue. Why can't it be someone else? Why there aren't anybody there to come save me when i needed a hero? Why?? I too wish to be the weakling, wish to be the one being rescued but could i?
Izzit due to this reason that i've learned to keep all my feelings bottled up, put on a confident smile even when i'm down in the dumps, show that i'm Mr. Incredible and the invincible Leech even i got the whole world on my shoulders; that it felt that i dun nid help? And now... now i can't even be sure of wat or who i am. I know that i'm not good in verbal expression thus i chose this as my medium to express wat i'm feeling now so i guess being a workaholic is the only way i can keep myself focused n know who i am.
Would i allow myself to hold that role? No.. i wouldn't allow myself to take up that role, not in a million years. I've been displaying my strength so much that showing my weakness seems to make me looks... ... looks... ... so weak. My pride won't allow myself to do such a thing. It is my own pride that lifted my up from the dumps, it ws my pride who give me confidence, it was my pride who lead me to be who i am today. People once said;
A man's greatest enemy is himself
Believe it or not, this is true. My greatest enemy is non other than my personal pride but if it weren't for it, i would be who i am today. It is my greatest enemy and my closest friend.
My group leader once pass me an article, and i can remember this quite clearly,
We must be able to manage our own morale
We can be down and unhappy but no matter what happens, we still need to stand up and face the world again. And this is exactly wat i'm am doing. I'm managing my own morale using my own pride. And its this relationship that got me lost. Lost of feelings and emotions, lost of the ability to be affectionate, lost the ability to show my weakness even when i'm down.
Am i now unhappy, angry and frustrated? No i'm not but i am confused, i'm confused about me being me.
Some of you may be thinking "Man, tis guy must be vry depress lately to come up with something like this", but the fact is, i'm not sure what i'm feeling. Its just a mood swing i'm having (that's the closest thing i can come up with) so bear wif me awhile longer, i doubt i can make this post longer that its already is hehe.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
A begining of... ... ... ???
Well deep down i am hoping for something to happen but i do not know that probability or the likelihood of it happening... should i keep my spirits up or should i just blow out the candle n assume nothing?? Am i doing the right thing?? Should i be even thinking with this paradigm?? oni time will reveal the truth and i will oni know the answer when it happen...
Saturday, July 14, 2007
DTS dinner
I've oni joined DTS for about 7 weeks and i've begin to fit in. Everyone is vry friendly, helpful and vry willing to share wif u their knowledge makin it a vry nice place for fresh graduates like me. Tis actuallybrought me to another dilemma which i'll discuss later, for now i wanna talk about the dept dinner that we had which has really got me close to my fellow colleagues. Throughtout the day, we (the MTPs) were asked to prepare some presentation or games for the dinner. While Lee dod came up wif a stupid idea (it was actually a joke) for a sketch, i went n further elobrate to make it a funny story. The problem was that most of the MTP just dun wanna get involved so somehow it just ended there.
All of us (the MTPs) left office at 610 n begin our journey to Shangri-la Purtajaya. HunYee was together wif Wong, SM wif Lee while Cheryl wif me. Not knowin where it is actually situated we had to follow each other's lead to get there. It awas kinda unbelievable that we are there in about 20mins. Its about 11km from our office.
The place looks vry nice, n enjoyable. Vry green n peaceful environment... just nice
The entrance to the hotel
A view from the hotel's concorde To those of us who were here early, we start wif some nice shots of the view.
The Early Birds (L to R): ShwuMing, HunYee, Cheryl, Wong, Thong, KP, Leech and Lee (the camera man)
Lee n Lee The dinner??? Well the food is not something i wanna talk about coz basically there's not much to talk about, I heard from JinWen that the food on weekends is marvelous but the food we ate today in the weekday.. well its below par even for my standards.. sigh.. so i've decided not to spend time on the food part.
During dinner, we were asked to intro ourselves (the MTPs) and finalyl i got to know that Cheryl is the youngest among all of us wif me being the eldest... sigh~~ I'm the eldest pig among the new-comers :'(
Well after dinner we start wif some photo shooting frenzy.. we basically aim n shoot at everyone in every pose and we started taking photos for all categories. Wearing specs, marrried, wearing black shirt, wearing black pants, brought bags, etc etc etc~~~ all type of funny categories. I dun even wanna start posting the photos coz it jsut eats up my blogger space hahaha.. anyway the list is vry long.
Since its getting late so i guess i just end tis post wif tis funny photo.
U see the reaction from their faces. Tis is actually coz while i was helping them taking the photo, there was a car coming right from behind me and it almost (well it was still a good 5 feet away from me) hit me. So everyone was damn worried about me hahaha.. anyway i'm still ok else u won't have seen tis post right? lolzWednesday, July 11, 2007
Feelin betta??
Ytd I went to run some errands for my dad so i decide to take the chance to look up my dear fren to check on her condition since her place was on my way home. I called her up and ask her out for dinner. I was a little nervous as i was waiting for her near her hse, i dunno wat to expect when i see her but luckily for me, she look like her normal self again.
I saw her walking towards me (i couldn't recognize her then since i wasn't wearing my specs) as usual she was walking with that "la~la~la" tune like music behind her. She was wearing a pinkish shirt with skirt which almost made me wanna pinch her face and call her cutie but i din hehe, coz i dun dare ;p
We went to U-Lake for dinner where i we had some "chee chong fun" so it was kinda a light dinner for me. While eating i tried to strike some conversation with her but it just so predictable of me to begin wif "How's ur thesis coming up?" of all things i nid to start wif things like this. From talking about thesis i begin talking about a lot of stuff, i even brought back some things she told me once such as a forgotten xmas present which made her face red a little since she forgotten to give me mine. It almost made me feel bad for bring it up. She say that she'll make it up to me tis year haha.. ok, we'll see ...
After dinner i sent her home coz we got no where to go, while driving we were talking until the radio was airing Sukiyaki by 4PM. It was a nice song that i really like then as i say tis, she too said that she liked tis song so we stopped talking n enjoy the song. The next song was by Faith Hill the OST from Pearl Harbour which was favourite song haha.. i guess i was tuning in to the right station.
Overall, from the dinner i can tell that she has pretty much her ol' self again so i guess there is nothing much to worry about her now. I betta pay more attention to myself, my task list has grown from nill to short to medium to now, long... really long hahaha... wish me luck and may zues bless me with his thunderbolt wuakkaiaka...
I saw her walking towards me (i couldn't recognize her then since i wasn't wearing my specs) as usual she was walking with that "la~la~la" tune like music behind her. She was wearing a pinkish shirt with skirt which almost made me wanna pinch her face and call her cutie but i din hehe, coz i dun dare ;p
We went to U-Lake for dinner where i we had some "chee chong fun" so it was kinda a light dinner for me. While eating i tried to strike some conversation with her but it just so predictable of me to begin wif "How's ur thesis coming up?" of all things i nid to start wif things like this. From talking about thesis i begin talking about a lot of stuff, i even brought back some things she told me once such as a forgotten xmas present which made her face red a little since she forgotten to give me mine. It almost made me feel bad for bring it up. She say that she'll make it up to me tis year haha.. ok, we'll see ...
After dinner i sent her home coz we got no where to go, while driving we were talking until the radio was airing Sukiyaki by 4PM. It was a nice song that i really like then as i say tis, she too said that she liked tis song so we stopped talking n enjoy the song. The next song was by Faith Hill the OST from Pearl Harbour which was favourite song haha.. i guess i was tuning in to the right station.
Overall, from the dinner i can tell that she has pretty much her ol' self again so i guess there is nothing much to worry about her now. I betta pay more attention to myself, my task list has grown from nill to short to medium to now, long... really long hahaha... wish me luck and may zues bless me with his thunderbolt wuakkaiaka...
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Please don't... just don't
Yesterday i did something that i've never did b4 in all my life, no its not anything heroic or was it anything extraordinary (well it was to me haha). I got a call from a fren at about 620pm ytd asking me to go out for dinner. When i got the call i sense something was wrong... the voice is not the normal voice, the tone was very disturb and when i suggested that i might be able to go, my fren seems like urging me to go.. without a doubt something is definately wrong and is terribily wrong. Without much consideration i quickly drop wat i was doing, told mum that i won't be home for dinner (althought she has already started cooking, sorry mum) took a quick bath and i was on my way. While driving i can't help but to try to filter out the possible problems that caused my fren to react the way she reacted and there was one conclusion that keep popping up in my head althought i keep on dismissing it. Anyway i got there as quick as i could and when i got there, i noticed something that i've not seen in for quite sometime.
She was crying... all alone in her car... she was there, just crying
She was crying like the whole world collapsed on her, i was able to feel that something within her was shattered into a million pieces and that she was totally lost and broken. And I... well i was totally lost, i din know wat i can or could do for her right there n then. She was trying to tell me something but i wasn't able to understand her. All i could do was hold her hand, try my best to be as sympatatic and give her as much comfort as i could and calm her down. Looking at her like that i felt broken myself... i din wanna jump to any conclusion so while i was keeping her calm, i was trying to keep myself calm. I've never seen any of my frens as shaken n broken as her before, not in my entire life; it almost felt like somebody died and she has lost it.
After calming her down, she ask me wat do i wanna eat and being the jerk that i am i left it for her to decide. Seeing her like tis i could help but to offer to driver instead. She still trying to pull a joke saying "U afraid that u'll get invoved in an accident?" i said "Ya, i still cherish my life." all she did was smiled and started driving.
When we got to the first traffic light she said that her thesis got bounced back and that she nid to redo it they she said something about not being able to graduate etc... although i'm hearing tis from her but i know that tis could not have been the reason for her to react the way she reacted and even if it was, i would not have been her 1st person to talk to so my suspision was becoming more and more real but i still kept it to myself din wanna trigger her even more. At the second traffic light she suddenly ask me to drive instead so i got to the drive seat n joked that i do not know how to drive an auto which i accidently forget to release the handbrake, and that manage to made her laugh.
After parking the car she asked me wat do i wanna eat, knowing that tis could be a long night i answered "Somewhere less people coz i dun like too crowded places." (Tis is the truth, i hate vry crowded places). We went to "Old Town" for dinner and after ordering the food, she told me the problem behind her tears. And yes... to some of you who are readin, u might have guessed it. She broke up wif her bf. To make matters worse, she kept blaming herself for tis incident which really got me furious. Nothing in this world is caused by one party alone; it takes 2 to tango u know. As she told me tis, tears start to built up again. I just could bear myself to see her like tis.
As we are eating, she start to tell me more n more about what happened and each time she kept saying that she caused it. Being new to tis kinda situation, all i could do was to listen to her story, letting her to say out all there is to be said but as patient and sympatic as i could, i can't accept the fact that she kept blaming herself; each time she said tis i would tell her that i wasn't and she kept going on that it is. Seeing this lil injured white bunny like tis i couldn't just raise my voice so it took me a considerate long time before i could get it into her thick skull that it wasn't totally her fault. And took me even longer to stop her blamming herself.
I was analyzing to her wat happened and what caused her to do wat she did, although it might sound like i'm trying to shift all the blame to the guy but the fact is, i wasn't. I was just pointing out that as much as it could be her fault, the guy has his share of responsibilities too. How could you make your own gf feel like she is inferior to other girls?? If you have decided to begin tis relationship with her you should have accepted the fact that she is who she is.. there are just things that you just have to accept... a person is a package, and to accept a person is to accept the whole package regardless the good or the bad. This actually got me more worked up because i just couldn't forgive people who make other people feel bad about themselves or imply that they are inferior to others because i know how bad it feels to be unappreciated by people and being made to feel small and inferior to others. I just couldn't accept it.
After succeded in convincing that it wasn't totally her fault, i tried to lift her spirits again. Try to spark the inner fire within her again. I did my best in sharing with her some of my secrets to my survival, sharing with her some of my past to make her understand that we are who we made ourself to be. I wouldn't, i couldn't be who i am today if weren't of what i understand and do what i did previously. I try to make her understand wat i learned from a movie, "Dun live for others, but live for yourself." She is this shattered because she is living not entirely for herself but is because of her bf, so when the relationship ended, her life ended with it. I know that some of you might think that tis thinking is kind of cold but if u put some thought in it, u will begin to understand wat i'm trying to say. When you put too much hope into a person, u'll begin to rely on that person for your everything, he/she has become your spritual and moral pillar of support if one day, something were to happen to this person... could u begin to imagine wat will happen to you? Tis is the message i try to convey to her. I nid to remind her once again that there are more to love than the love of a lover, there are the love of a family and there are also the love of a fren. Just because the relationship ended it doesn't mean that there are nobody in this world who don't love you anymore at least there is still frens like me.
After i feel that she has stable and settled down i begin to sway from this kind of serious stuff to try to keep her mind of this topic. I talk about myself, talk about her, talk about the time we met in uni and in the event. Talk about everything that may or may not be important at that moment in time. We talk about a lot of stuff and once awhile i will include some "Leech's survival tips" to try to enrich herself. Once she has return to her normal self again i was reliefed.
As it was getting late we got the bill and left, back to my car i offered to see her off back home (well basically i stayed behind her car till she got home). After seeing her to her home i went on my way to find my stupid egg sis but that is another story.. All i know is that i manage to get TTL and Pek damn angry at me coz i was suppose to find them for gaming that night. I had to send them a rain check because of this matter. They did called me to urge me to go but i just couldn't leave a fren when they nid me. They even ask me to bring my fren along so that they can help to cheer him up (i din mention to them that it was a he or a she) I couldnt believe tis guys, for as long as they've known me they still dun understand me... Yea, i've promised them that i'll go find them but given if u were in my shoes what would u have done? Come one man.. where is your sense of priority??? Find someone who is there JUST for fun and games or to accompany someone who is in need of a company? Tough choice?? I dun think so, i would have done the same for anyone but they kept going on that i did wat i did because it was a girl, and i din even tell them that it was a girl. Sigh~~~ and they called themselves my buddies.
She was crying... all alone in her car... she was there, just crying
She was crying like the whole world collapsed on her, i was able to feel that something within her was shattered into a million pieces and that she was totally lost and broken. And I... well i was totally lost, i din know wat i can or could do for her right there n then. She was trying to tell me something but i wasn't able to understand her. All i could do was hold her hand, try my best to be as sympatatic and give her as much comfort as i could and calm her down. Looking at her like that i felt broken myself... i din wanna jump to any conclusion so while i was keeping her calm, i was trying to keep myself calm. I've never seen any of my frens as shaken n broken as her before, not in my entire life; it almost felt like somebody died and she has lost it.
After calming her down, she ask me wat do i wanna eat and being the jerk that i am i left it for her to decide. Seeing her like tis i could help but to offer to driver instead. She still trying to pull a joke saying "U afraid that u'll get invoved in an accident?" i said "Ya, i still cherish my life." all she did was smiled and started driving.
When we got to the first traffic light she said that her thesis got bounced back and that she nid to redo it they she said something about not being able to graduate etc... although i'm hearing tis from her but i know that tis could not have been the reason for her to react the way she reacted and even if it was, i would not have been her 1st person to talk to so my suspision was becoming more and more real but i still kept it to myself din wanna trigger her even more. At the second traffic light she suddenly ask me to drive instead so i got to the drive seat n joked that i do not know how to drive an auto which i accidently forget to release the handbrake, and that manage to made her laugh.
After parking the car she asked me wat do i wanna eat, knowing that tis could be a long night i answered "Somewhere less people coz i dun like too crowded places." (Tis is the truth, i hate vry crowded places). We went to "Old Town" for dinner and after ordering the food, she told me the problem behind her tears. And yes... to some of you who are readin, u might have guessed it. She broke up wif her bf. To make matters worse, she kept blaming herself for tis incident which really got me furious. Nothing in this world is caused by one party alone; it takes 2 to tango u know. As she told me tis, tears start to built up again. I just could bear myself to see her like tis.
As we are eating, she start to tell me more n more about what happened and each time she kept saying that she caused it. Being new to tis kinda situation, all i could do was to listen to her story, letting her to say out all there is to be said but as patient and sympatic as i could, i can't accept the fact that she kept blaming herself; each time she said tis i would tell her that i wasn't and she kept going on that it is. Seeing this lil injured white bunny like tis i couldn't just raise my voice so it took me a considerate long time before i could get it into her thick skull that it wasn't totally her fault. And took me even longer to stop her blamming herself.
I was analyzing to her wat happened and what caused her to do wat she did, although it might sound like i'm trying to shift all the blame to the guy but the fact is, i wasn't. I was just pointing out that as much as it could be her fault, the guy has his share of responsibilities too. How could you make your own gf feel like she is inferior to other girls?? If you have decided to begin tis relationship with her you should have accepted the fact that she is who she is.. there are just things that you just have to accept... a person is a package, and to accept a person is to accept the whole package regardless the good or the bad. This actually got me more worked up because i just couldn't forgive people who make other people feel bad about themselves or imply that they are inferior to others because i know how bad it feels to be unappreciated by people and being made to feel small and inferior to others. I just couldn't accept it.
After succeded in convincing that it wasn't totally her fault, i tried to lift her spirits again. Try to spark the inner fire within her again. I did my best in sharing with her some of my secrets to my survival, sharing with her some of my past to make her understand that we are who we made ourself to be. I wouldn't, i couldn't be who i am today if weren't of what i understand and do what i did previously. I try to make her understand wat i learned from a movie, "Dun live for others, but live for yourself." She is this shattered because she is living not entirely for herself but is because of her bf, so when the relationship ended, her life ended with it. I know that some of you might think that tis thinking is kind of cold but if u put some thought in it, u will begin to understand wat i'm trying to say. When you put too much hope into a person, u'll begin to rely on that person for your everything, he/she has become your spritual and moral pillar of support if one day, something were to happen to this person... could u begin to imagine wat will happen to you? Tis is the message i try to convey to her. I nid to remind her once again that there are more to love than the love of a lover, there are the love of a family and there are also the love of a fren. Just because the relationship ended it doesn't mean that there are nobody in this world who don't love you anymore at least there is still frens like me.
After i feel that she has stable and settled down i begin to sway from this kind of serious stuff to try to keep her mind of this topic. I talk about myself, talk about her, talk about the time we met in uni and in the event. Talk about everything that may or may not be important at that moment in time. We talk about a lot of stuff and once awhile i will include some "Leech's survival tips" to try to enrich herself. Once she has return to her normal self again i was reliefed.
As it was getting late we got the bill and left, back to my car i offered to see her off back home (well basically i stayed behind her car till she got home). After seeing her to her home i went on my way to find my stupid egg sis but that is another story.. All i know is that i manage to get TTL and Pek damn angry at me coz i was suppose to find them for gaming that night. I had to send them a rain check because of this matter. They did called me to urge me to go but i just couldn't leave a fren when they nid me. They even ask me to bring my fren along so that they can help to cheer him up (i din mention to them that it was a he or a she) I couldnt believe tis guys, for as long as they've known me they still dun understand me... Yea, i've promised them that i'll go find them but given if u were in my shoes what would u have done? Come one man.. where is your sense of priority??? Find someone who is there JUST for fun and games or to accompany someone who is in need of a company? Tough choice?? I dun think so, i would have done the same for anyone but they kept going on that i did wat i did because it was a girl, and i din even tell them that it was a girl. Sigh~~~ and they called themselves my buddies.
Friday, July 06, 2007
They are more that meets the eyes, they are robots in disguise
A famous saying from an ever famous cartoon which has imortalized and imprinted itself in the hearts of virtually any late 70s and early 80s babies, i've even cited tis name in my thesis to show how important tis name it is to me. Optimus Prime and Megatron are among the first things when u even hear tis name, and its none other than Transfomers.
It was wednesday and i'm going to watch it in Imax and it goes without saying how excited i am to go to watch tis movie. Jessica and i had promised each other that we will watch it together when it comes out and we did, along wif Alexis and another fren, well its Alexis fren anyway, Venoth. When Alexis intro Venoth to me, he actually reminded me of my Venoth ( V for short) . He was as tall and well built as V and i can't help to mistake him for V haha.. but its cool to got to know him.
It was the first time i step into Imax and i was suprised... vry suprised, the place is huge but the seating arrangement is kinda bad... if ur seat is in the middle it'll take u ages to walk in there as there are no walkway in the center row. The screen is huge, so huge that when the movie started i was having trouble seeing the whole screen. For RM15 it was worth it and for this movie it is even better. The robots are just so damn big... it is almost like seeing that damn thing.
I saw some reviews from my fren's MSN nick, some say its damn good, some say it had a stupid plot but i say.. if u dun look at the pesky human the movie is really good. I was so into the movie that i din even care how well the actors acted, i was too bz admiring the Autobots (not to mention the Decepticons)
Just my 2cents on the movie. WARNING, if u haven't watch Transfomers and u intend to watch (which i think its a must watch if u are catagorize in the group as i previously mentioned) then Please, DUN read tis portion of the blog coz its some spoiler. You have been warned. Megatron looks like the Megatron from Beastwar Gen2 and that tank sure reminds me of Tankor from Beastwar too. Another thing about Megatron, if he's been in the ice for so bloody long how the hell did he get his "transform" mode?? Then how come all the sudden the Decepticons can speak english?? WTF, did i miss something in the movie @_@??? Prime, well.. he is just TOO in.. i mean he's too hip-hop look haha.. but sorry to say tis, when i see that he dun have that shield on his mouth i was kinda dissapointed.. it kinda spoiled my image of Prime, ya.. the mouth-piece came out in the end but it just din felt right when i saw it in the first place. And if i remember correctly from the Transformers:The Movie (which was actually the original Transformers cartoon movie) i thought oni Prime can fuse the Allspark into his Spark too destroy it... but how come it ... well its different. To those of u who knows tis please enlight me.
@_@... my headache is back so i guess i'll end here.. nitez to all who is reading it at nite haha =p
For the first time~~~
It's actually a portion of a lyrics but it seems to suit wat i wanna share tonite. I quite a number of first time at work today; some good ones and some not so good ones.
B4 i go into wat happen at work i just wanna talk about something stupid i did today.. i guess i was kinda bored in the morning so out of curiousity i went to google oot's nick. And i found something nice to read; it was something warm, sweet and memoriable about oot. I read it b4 work start and it left a sweet feeling in me, well i was kinda jealous but... ... hehe Oot, dun kill me wuakakaka, i'm good but i'm also evil at the same time :p
Anyway about work. For the first time, my seniors finally found out that i'm currently driving my car to work instead of my bike haha. I manage to hide tis fact away from them for a month, and if it weren't for HuayWoon who saw me tis morning i think i could have kept it a secret for another month hahaha.
Today in the group meeting, i am assigned additional task to add to my calander. I dun feel bad for having extra work, it sure beat sitting in front of the PC just looking at it... as i were saying it yesterday's MTP presentation i wanna see my knowledge being utilize because it feels good to know that wat u've learn did not go to waste. But i guess i am saying tis now coz its just the begining, when the task finally catch up to me i'm sure i'll end up cursing my day over n over again. I just know myself too well in tis area. Next during the meeting, PS show the result of the personality test that we did last week, and when she showed Cheryl's result it reflect her as a dominant figure and she share the traits as PS... for me hahah... well i'm kinda a odd case.. I actually weight average in all field, i got a 27% 23% 25% 25% for the 4 catagories. All of them were kinda suprise about my results and KimPong joked about me having no personality at all. Well like i always tell myself, i always see myself as a scale, as in the Libra scale.. but i call my scale the Enigma Scale. The reason being i dun actually understand myself that well, and i dunno who i am, but i do know that i'm a fair and balance person and today it has finally proven itself hehe. Cheryl commented that i can adapt vry well in situation and i can easily break the ice between people, i take that as a compliment so thx Cheryl (if u found tis site n u are reading it)
Approaching lunch, everyone decide to go LeongSze in Kajang Hospital as he was diagonise wif Denggi. He has red spots all over him and he said that the doctor took 4 samples of blood from him ytd, the doctor poke the needle into his veins so much that most of his veins just won't give out blood now. We stayed till about 2 before we went for lunch. Mind i remind all u fellow readers that our lunch is only 80mins and out lunch begin at 110pm today. We went to the Old Town in Metro Kajang, oh.. which brought me to another first time. I've not been into Kajang town before, even while i was visiting my uncle or last time when HY and gang went to visit Dr Alvin. Anyway after lunch (which was about 3) we went back to the company thinking of reasons to give if the guards decides to stop n questions us. When we got back we quickly walk in and the guards din even care haha that's good coz i heard if u get caught the guards will note ur name and some actions will be taken. Then at 4pm there was a July month bday celebration so today went kinda short. Meeting + our extended lunch + bday celeb has took about 60% of our working time today hehehe.
My last first time is that i was able to troubleshoot a problem in trial today. The Vedio 2 sound failed in the test and Thong assigned my to troubleshoot it. It went a bit slow and it wasn't until around 5+ when i finally got the solution. The parts was mounted wrongly onto the board causing open connection in a few locations, so no signal was passed into the main IC. I was looking at the schematics and had my doubts when i started but since its my 1st unguided troubleshooting i wasn't vry confident with my findings. Later Thong ask me to confirm my findings with the designer and violla... problem solved. It felt good, and it has give me confidence in troubleshooting. This case was kinda easy since all i did was refering to the schematics and comparing with the actual board. Still it felt good that i'm able to do it on my own.
The time now is 1020pm and i think i nid to start on my programming again, else i dun think i'm able to finish it in time to present to my manager.. aihh.. i'm bringing my work home on a friday nite =_= i know its not fun but i have to do my work... hope that i can manage my time evenly tis weekend :p
B4 i go into wat happen at work i just wanna talk about something stupid i did today.. i guess i was kinda bored in the morning so out of curiousity i went to google oot's nick. And i found something nice to read; it was something warm, sweet and memoriable about oot. I read it b4 work start and it left a sweet feeling in me, well i was kinda jealous but... ... hehe Oot, dun kill me wuakakaka, i'm good but i'm also evil at the same time :p
Anyway about work. For the first time, my seniors finally found out that i'm currently driving my car to work instead of my bike haha. I manage to hide tis fact away from them for a month, and if it weren't for HuayWoon who saw me tis morning i think i could have kept it a secret for another month hahaha.
Today in the group meeting, i am assigned additional task to add to my calander. I dun feel bad for having extra work, it sure beat sitting in front of the PC just looking at it... as i were saying it yesterday's MTP presentation i wanna see my knowledge being utilize because it feels good to know that wat u've learn did not go to waste. But i guess i am saying tis now coz its just the begining, when the task finally catch up to me i'm sure i'll end up cursing my day over n over again. I just know myself too well in tis area. Next during the meeting, PS show the result of the personality test that we did last week, and when she showed Cheryl's result it reflect her as a dominant figure and she share the traits as PS... for me hahah... well i'm kinda a odd case.. I actually weight average in all field, i got a 27% 23% 25% 25% for the 4 catagories. All of them were kinda suprise about my results and KimPong joked about me having no personality at all. Well like i always tell myself, i always see myself as a scale, as in the Libra scale.. but i call my scale the Enigma Scale. The reason being i dun actually understand myself that well, and i dunno who i am, but i do know that i'm a fair and balance person and today it has finally proven itself hehe. Cheryl commented that i can adapt vry well in situation and i can easily break the ice between people, i take that as a compliment so thx Cheryl (if u found tis site n u are reading it)
Approaching lunch, everyone decide to go LeongSze in Kajang Hospital as he was diagonise wif Denggi. He has red spots all over him and he said that the doctor took 4 samples of blood from him ytd, the doctor poke the needle into his veins so much that most of his veins just won't give out blood now. We stayed till about 2 before we went for lunch. Mind i remind all u fellow readers that our lunch is only 80mins and out lunch begin at 110pm today. We went to the Old Town in Metro Kajang, oh.. which brought me to another first time. I've not been into Kajang town before, even while i was visiting my uncle or last time when HY and gang went to visit Dr Alvin. Anyway after lunch (which was about 3) we went back to the company thinking of reasons to give if the guards decides to stop n questions us. When we got back we quickly walk in and the guards din even care haha that's good coz i heard if u get caught the guards will note ur name and some actions will be taken. Then at 4pm there was a July month bday celebration so today went kinda short. Meeting + our extended lunch + bday celeb has took about 60% of our working time today hehehe.
My last first time is that i was able to troubleshoot a problem in trial today. The Vedio 2 sound failed in the test and Thong assigned my to troubleshoot it. It went a bit slow and it wasn't until around 5+ when i finally got the solution. The parts was mounted wrongly onto the board causing open connection in a few locations, so no signal was passed into the main IC. I was looking at the schematics and had my doubts when i started but since its my 1st unguided troubleshooting i wasn't vry confident with my findings. Later Thong ask me to confirm my findings with the designer and violla... problem solved. It felt good, and it has give me confidence in troubleshooting. This case was kinda easy since all i did was refering to the schematics and comparing with the actual board. Still it felt good that i'm able to do it on my own.
The time now is 1020pm and i think i nid to start on my programming again, else i dun think i'm able to finish it in time to present to my manager.. aihh.. i'm bringing my work home on a friday nite =_= i know its not fun but i have to do my work... hope that i can manage my time evenly tis weekend :p
Monday, July 02, 2007
Too close for comfort
Its 7.40am on my pc clock and about 45-50 mins back i was in a near death (literally) accident. I was on the Mahameru highway travelling around 90km/h and just before the exit to Bangsar, below the bridge, a stupid Wira came into my lane.... luckily my reflexes jump in; i floor the brakes, steer my car to the side almost hitting the divider in the process. My car went to a small wobble, almost drifting and it was like 90 - 50 km/h in 2sec. We were about 1 feet away from a collision. I think i left skid marks on the road too. Then in a flash that idiotic Wira floor his acclerator and took another exit. To my suprise i was still too calm to even start cursing as i saw him leaving. Just as i collected my thoughts i began cursing n swearing my heart out in the car. I mean i was in the fast lane and he tried to cut into my lane... i think that bugger must have doze off, else its way too illogical that he even think of trying that feat.
i got 1 message to say to that fool right now
"@$^*%^)*$!%*^!_($ GO N GET YOUR EYES CHECKED OUT U FOOL...
You are as bad as those Mat Rempits if not worse; if u wanna, go ahead but dun die in front my car, i dun wan ur blood to stain it."
And yes, tis goes out for those Mat Rempits in and around the glode. If u think your Ghost Rider i.e. Johnny Cage, then here is another reality check for u.. ... ... "YOUR NOT!!!" so stop acting like you are a stun daredevil. Its people like you that worries me when i drive my bike at night, if i were to be stopped by a police officer while you monkeys are doing your stunts then how would i answer to the officer?? Nobody will believe me.
Back to my near accident... ... i was lucky that it was a new car.. ie new tires. Not to mention i have ABS, else i would have kiss that Wira's butt, like i was telling my frens its a worth it investment; nvr compromise safety. Not forgetting my delayed panic reflexes that allowed my to remain calm and my quick reaction to floor the brakes.
Well enough of bullshiting, its now 8am. Time to work. I nid to get my C++ codes up by tis week else i'm toasted...
i got 1 message to say to that fool right now
"@$^*%^)*$!%*^!_($ GO N GET YOUR EYES CHECKED OUT U FOOL...
You are as bad as those Mat Rempits if not worse; if u wanna, go ahead but dun die in front my car, i dun wan ur blood to stain it."
And yes, tis goes out for those Mat Rempits in and around the glode. If u think your Ghost Rider i.e. Johnny Cage, then here is another reality check for u.. ... ... "YOUR NOT!!!" so stop acting like you are a stun daredevil. Its people like you that worries me when i drive my bike at night, if i were to be stopped by a police officer while you monkeys are doing your stunts then how would i answer to the officer?? Nobody will believe me.
Back to my near accident... ... i was lucky that it was a new car.. ie new tires. Not to mention i have ABS, else i would have kiss that Wira's butt, like i was telling my frens its a worth it investment; nvr compromise safety. Not forgetting my delayed panic reflexes that allowed my to remain calm and my quick reaction to floor the brakes.
Well enough of bullshiting, its now 8am. Time to work. I nid to get my C++ codes up by tis week else i'm toasted...
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Cameron Trip P4
A fresh photo for a fresh post Well seeing that i've noting much to blog about recently other than my newly added colleagues to my frenster there were some sizzling photos of themselves and there were some self info that allowed me to get to know them a little more better. Anyway as i were saying, there's not much to say recently so i decided to continue wif my Cameron Trip bloggie. In today's post i'll talk about day 3 of my trip (2nd day in Cameron) .
I got up about 830 in the morning a little later after Meng got up where he went back to bed.. after brushing my teeth etc, i went to the playstation n find some games to pass my time. I began playing the game "Avatar, Last of the Airbender". Later, Meng came round n soon SK too. We ate some bread for breakfast n soon 1 by 1 got out of bed (we were getting noisy haha). We decided to have our lunch 1st b4 leaving since its kinda troublesom to come back later and after lunch we went to our 1st sight seeing around cameron.. we begin wif the Strawberry park.
I got up about 830 in the morning a little later after Meng got up where he went back to bed.. after brushing my teeth etc, i went to the playstation n find some games to pass my time. I began playing the game "Avatar, Last of the Airbender". Later, Meng came round n soon SK too. We ate some bread for breakfast n soon 1 by 1 got out of bed (we were getting noisy haha). We decided to have our lunch 1st b4 leaving since its kinda troublesom to come back later and after lunch we went to our 1st sight seeing around cameron.. we begin wif the Strawberry park.
Out 1st group photo in Cameron
Yup, ultraman post.. my way of showing my maturity =pNext we headed up to Boh Plantation, we parked our car at the foot hill n begin hiking our way up. The last time i did tis was my school trip to cameron which was also the last time i went to cameron.. that was when i was in primary 5, its been about 15 years since i went to cameron.
At the "peak" well ... its at the factory basically.
Look carufully... u can find something that is out of place in tis pic hahaha
I din know the Boh factory had changed soo much.. it now has a sight seeing post where u can enjoy a good cup of tea... the view is magnificant, it was an all green mountain view.. beautiful. Come to think of it, kinda regret dat i din take a photo of the viewing station.. anyway its that brown thing in the pic.. really nice view.
After resting and tasting a cup of fresh tea, we begin to descent, but not without some shots of the tea plantation.
A shot i took about 100+ meters away so the quality its kinda low, i've yet to got use to the camera controls. A good camera in the hands of a noob, wat do u expect >.< 
Then we went to some guys's strawberry park (i remember its an indian name), oni sells fresh strawberries, although its a bit expensive but its worth it.. its really fresh hehe.. tis is me posting wif the strawberry haha am i cute?? ^o^
The cute leech in action wuakaka.. tak tau malu punya budak di sini
After the strawberry park it was about 530 and most of the tourist spots are closing down 1 by 1 so we went to get some vege n went back home. When we got home JS, KT n i went out awhile later to pick up Desmond. He's our tour guide for tmr's event. We are goin up to bukit brincang to view the sunrise at 4am.. yup 4am. But b4 that, lets have dinner.. todays menu is bbq.
There's everyone bz prepering for the meal and again i'm there taking photos hahaa.. lazy lazy leech =p, hey its a dirty job but some1 have to do it, else there won't b any pic to share rite hehe
After some photo taking.... while everyone is bz cooking by the grill i took some time off n help myself to some food wuakakaka...
Busted.. punishment from above, The Spears of Death.
walau, eat some beehoon oni no nid to poke me to death right??
Actually i was just finishing up the noodle we cooked for lunch since nobody wanna finish, and the pic u see above is basically taken b4 i started on the noodle haha... anyway its funny how it matchs together. During the bbq SK ate 2kg of potatos i repeat...2kg~!!! We bought 3kgs, and the balance... hahaha well to those who did follow my adventure. We had another card game that nite, and the loser hahaha eat 1 potato haha, imagine u r so full u can hardly swallow, but if u lose, 1 potato. YES we are cruel but no pain no game haha...
We basically play card till about 2+ b4 some of us decide to catch 40 winkers and so did i... by the time i woke up, its time to move up bukit brincang... i'll leave that in my next post.
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