Please don't... just don't

Yesterday i did something that i've never did b4 in all my life, no its not anything heroic or was it anything extraordinary (well it was to me haha). I got a call from a fren at about 620pm ytd asking me to go out for dinner. When i got the call i sense something was wrong... the voice is not the normal voice, the tone was very disturb and when i suggested that i might be able to go, my fren seems like urging me to go.. without a doubt something is definately wrong and is terribily wrong. Without much consideration i quickly drop wat i was doing, told mum that i won't be home for dinner (althought she has already started cooking, sorry mum) took a quick bath and i was on my way. While driving i can't help but to try to filter out the possible problems that caused my fren to react the way she reacted and there was one conclusion that keep popping up in my head althought i keep on dismissing it. Anyway i got there as quick as i could and when i got there, i noticed something that i've not seen in for quite sometime.

She was crying... all alone in her car... she was there, just crying

She was crying like the whole world collapsed on her, i was able to feel that something within her was shattered into a million pieces and that she was totally lost and broken. And I... well i was totally lost, i din know wat i can or could do for her right there n then. She was trying to tell me something but i wasn't able to understand her. All i could do was hold her hand, try my best to be as sympatatic and give her as much comfort as i could and calm her down. Looking at her like that i felt broken myself... i din wanna jump to any conclusion so while i was keeping her calm, i was trying to keep myself calm. I've never seen any of my frens as shaken n broken as her before, not in my entire life; it almost felt like somebody died and she has lost it.

After calming her down, she ask me wat do i wanna eat and being the jerk that i am i left it for her to decide. Seeing her like tis i could help but to offer to driver instead. She still trying to pull a joke saying "U afraid that u'll get invoved in an accident?" i said "Ya, i still cherish my life." all she did was smiled and started driving.

When we got to the first traffic light she said that her thesis got bounced back and that she nid to redo it they she said something about not being able to graduate etc... although i'm hearing tis from her but i know that tis could not have been the reason for her to react the way she reacted and even if it was, i would not have been her 1st person to talk to so my suspision was becoming more and more real but i still kept it to myself din wanna trigger her even more. At the second traffic light she suddenly ask me to drive instead so i got to the drive seat n joked that i do not know how to drive an auto which i accidently forget to release the handbrake, and that manage to made her laugh.

After parking the car she asked me wat do i wanna eat, knowing that tis could be a long night i answered "Somewhere less people coz i dun like too crowded places." (Tis is the truth, i hate vry crowded places). We went to "Old Town" for dinner and after ordering the food, she told me the problem behind her tears. And yes... to some of you who are readin, u might have guessed it. She broke up wif her bf. To make matters worse, she kept blaming herself for tis incident which really got me furious. Nothing in this world is caused by one party alone; it takes 2 to tango u know. As she told me tis, tears start to built up again. I just could bear myself to see her like tis.

As we are eating, she start to tell me more n more about what happened and each time she kept saying that she caused it. Being new to tis kinda situation, all i could do was to listen to her story, letting her to say out all there is to be said but as patient and sympatic as i could, i can't accept the fact that she kept blaming herself; each time she said tis i would tell her that i wasn't and she kept going on that it is. Seeing this lil injured white bunny like tis i couldn't just raise my voice so it took me a considerate long time before i could get it into her thick skull that it wasn't totally her fault. And took me even longer to stop her blamming herself.

I was analyzing to her wat happened and what caused her to do wat she did, although it might sound like i'm trying to shift all the blame to the guy but the fact is, i wasn't. I was just pointing out that as much as it could be her fault, the guy has his share of responsibilities too. How could you make your own gf feel like she is inferior to other girls?? If you have decided to begin tis relationship with her you should have accepted the fact that she is who she is.. there are just things that you just have to accept... a person is a package, and to accept a person is to accept the whole package regardless the good or the bad. This actually got me more worked up because i just couldn't forgive people who make other people feel bad about themselves or imply that they are inferior to others because i know how bad it feels to be unappreciated by people and being made to feel small and inferior to others. I just couldn't accept it.

After succeded in convincing that it wasn't totally her fault, i tried to lift her spirits again. Try to spark the inner fire within her again. I did my best in sharing with her some of my secrets to my survival, sharing with her some of my past to make her understand that we are who we made ourself to be. I wouldn't, i couldn't be who i am today if weren't of what i understand and do what i did previously. I try to make her understand wat i learned from a movie, "Dun live for others, but live for yourself." She is this shattered because she is living not entirely for herself but is because of her bf, so when the relationship ended, her life ended with it. I know that some of you might think that tis thinking is kind of cold but if u put some thought in it, u will begin to understand wat i'm trying to say. When you put too much hope into a person, u'll begin to rely on that person for your everything, he/she has become your spritual and moral pillar of support if one day, something were to happen to this person... could u begin to imagine wat will happen to you? Tis is the message i try to convey to her. I nid to remind her once again that there are more to love than the love of a lover, there are the love of a family and there are also the love of a fren. Just because the relationship ended it doesn't mean that there are nobody in this world who don't love you anymore at least there is still frens like me.

After i feel that she has stable and settled down i begin to sway from this kind of serious stuff to try to keep her mind of this topic. I talk about myself, talk about her, talk about the time we met in uni and in the event. Talk about everything that may or may not be important at that moment in time. We talk about a lot of stuff and once awhile i will include some "Leech's survival tips" to try to enrich herself. Once she has return to her normal self again i was reliefed.

As it was getting late we got the bill and left, back to my car i offered to see her off back home (well basically i stayed behind her car till she got home). After seeing her to her home i went on my way to find my stupid egg sis but that is another story.. All i know is that i manage to get TTL and Pek damn angry at me coz i was suppose to find them for gaming that night. I had to send them a rain check because of this matter. They did called me to urge me to go but i just couldn't leave a fren when they nid me. They even ask me to bring my fren along so that they can help to cheer him up (i din mention to them that it was a he or a she) I couldnt believe tis guys, for as long as they've known me they still dun understand me... Yea, i've promised them that i'll go find them but given if u were in my shoes what would u have done? Come one man.. where is your sense of priority??? Find someone who is there JUST for fun and games or to accompany someone who is in need of a company? Tough choice?? I dun think so, i would have done the same for anyone but they kept going on that i did wat i did because it was a girl, and i din even tell them that it was a girl. Sigh~~~ and they called themselves my buddies.