Lost

I guess i've gotten a bit moody again after this few days of holiday.
Feeling kinda lost whenever i think about my work;
Feeling kinda being used when i think of WY;
Feel kinda left out and unwanted when i think how "far" i am from my frens even though sometime distance is not the case.
Feel kinda stupid when i know i'm still hoping for something that ain't happening no matter how much i wan it
I just feel ... ... stupid ermm... useless

I guess this is why i dun like long holidays... i begin to think too much about nothing, i dun like having too much time in hand coz i'll begin to think about things about myself: who i am, who i've become, what i've achieved, what i've done, what i've missed and what i've let go... the list goes on and on and on. This kinda reminds me of my previous post Me, Myself and my Blog

Sometimes i feel like the only place i can go to is my own blog, coz in it i'm in my own world... i can just express all i wish to express even though wat i'm expressing is just plain rubbish... i sometimes think...
... will there be a day where i would call a friend asking him/her to come out coz i nid a company and that i'm too sad/down to comfort myself like always?
... ... Will there be a friend willing to that for me as i would for them?
... ... ... What would be the 1st thing that will come across their mind if they were to hear those words coming from my mouth?
... ... ... ...What will be their expression?

You know... i'm not always Mr Tough, there are times where i wish i'm nothing but a worm and i can hide and i can have someone that could come n comfort and nurse me back to health but i know that is a luxury i can't afford to have or should i say i will not allow myself to have. Sigh~~~ i guess i'm too harsh on myself... like the song in my blog, (i'm quoting a verse from it)

It may sound absurd:but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed:but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

I really like this song because when u follow the lyrics properly u'll feel that, its not easy being u sometimes... and u'll feel that its better being the guy next to u... the song expresses that... its just not easy to be me...

Hv i finish expressing myself?? erm... well... i dunno... have i?? Haha, i'm asking question that oni i know how to answer, i guess that is just who i am: The Enigma Scale. The variable in a world of constants, the ambiguity admist of crystal clear facts... The unknown, the unheard and the unseen... i am the Leech