'09 ... The ending...

Christmas is coming near
Following next is the New Year
Nevertheless I still wonder why I am here
Complain when nobody wants to hear

Christmas carol should be widely reciting
Yet most I heard are people resigning
What is the norm that I am seeing?
People who are not happy should just be leaving?

Being here and losing my mood
Not sure is this due to the holiday groove
Hope this holiday will bring me some good
Hope in the New Year things will improve

Looking back through my ’09 resolution
Where of my days were spend in this frozen dungeon
Wondering how many of those that I’ve complete
Somehow I think none of them is being meet

This should be the last poem of the year
Has not been much writing and not much to cheer
I’ve been know as many things yet not Shakespeare
Glad I did not chose writing as my career :)

From the Pages of the Pathetic Poet

WORDS

I've not done this is awhile but i hv the sudden umph to edit the lyrics of this song.... hope u guys enjoy it...

Edited from Words by BoyZone

Words Work
Work, an everlasting work
This work can bring death nearer to me
Don't ever let me find you gone
My boss just said that to me

Verse:
This world has lost it's glory
There won’t be any story
Now my friend
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say...

Chorus:
It's only work
And work are all I have
To drain my life away

Craps, in everlasting work
And dedicate them all, to me
And it will drain you of your life
It’ll drain it if it should call to you
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say...

CHORUS, repeat

Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da da

repeat VERSE
repeat CHORUS twice

To leave or not to leave? That is the question....

Sigh... and no i am not opting to resign from "I" so don't mis-quote me...

I'm sighing this time is because of my stupid leaves. I'm begining to think that this damn company (else this dept) of mine is not allowing me to take any days of leave at all.

My first time applying for leave was during Aug 2008 where i've planned and made reservation to go to Bangkok with my friends, and for that few days of leaves i ended up almost quarreling with my coordinator and my supervisor.

The second time i applied for leave was during my brother's ROM, it was on a friday. At the same night, on Friday, i recieve a call from my manager asking me whether is it possible for me to go back to work the next day. I went "I'm now in KL, and I have things to do tomorrow" yet my manager is not very "keen" with my answer so it was another "sigh" moment... But i was lucky that during my brother's wedding i could attend it with a peace of heart....

On my forth time if leave application, it was an emergency leave. The leave was to attend my grnadmother's funeral, and again i need to reply to some urgent emails asking me to deliver some data. In the end, i have to take a quick leave after the service and take the next bus back and get back to work the next day, assuming that nothing happened.

So this will be my fifth time applying for leave... i told my supervisor of my leave intention and even sent her a list on the days i wish to be on leave. After not receiving a YES or NO from her i decided to ask her for it and then... just then my manager came out and say, "I wish to lock down all the leave until end of the year" and the first thing that come to my mind was... WTF~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!! NOT AGAIN~~~~~~!!!!!!!!! I plan to attend a wedding of my uni mate followed by my ex colleague and most importantly the wedding of my closest friend, all those seems so far away now thanks to the stupid schedule pulled in.

DAMN it why can't i take leave like normal employees do? It is not my fault that the schedule get pulled in, hey i plan to take leave a few months ago and back then the bloody project was still trending WW52... And now it got pulled in, you are sacrifing us?? What happen to planning? With this kind of planning, how could you still question my planning? DAMNIT !%&)(!$!%&&*) I'm really starting to think that the only way i can take a leave like a normal person is either i resign from this dept (or company) or i'm dead sick that i can't even walk. Else i will never be able to take a good day of leave for self enjoyment...

P/S: I'm having so much frustration bottled up inside me, i feel like i'm going to blow and i have my manager to thank for this mount of frustration....... YEA .. U.... with a finger pointing at U

5 , 10, 15 years plan?

The future... something that seems so distant yet so close; something that feels so imaginary yet is real; something so unpredictable yet so anticipated.... i can go on braging but basically you catch my drift.

Been having a lot chat with my friends lately and one distingush topic that can't seems to escape is the topic of "My life as an engineer... ... sux" so much so that i think i can begin to compile a book on a million and one reason why NOT to be an engineer. Which very indirectly made me to think... do i still want to be an engineer after 5 years? If yes, what about 10 years later?

Don't get me wrong, i still like what i'm doing so i've no problem gulping down all those dead cats, dancing in the wok or swimming in hot water but the main question remain... for how much more longer? Of my friends here agreed that engineer is not a good line of work, the name is good and the starting (this needs to be highlighted as this is the only benifit i see as an engineer) pay is just great but in the long run... well if you done the math, you ain't going to stay there for the money.

I have a friend who has lost his "umph" to continue as an engineer and want to take up lecturing, and this is the most "professional" answer that i've got. All my other friends are more to the financial side of the picture:- one who want to go into investment as an career; another wish to quit and just go back to the family business; one who want to quit and start his own business; and i even have a friend who wants to start a business even before begining practicing. It's all 'bout the money ~~ it's all 'bout the dum dum .... .... ....

So what is there left for me ?? I've not thought about not doing engineering, i've not thought about starting a business... i've not even put much thought about my future for crying out loud... sigh... I'm a good employee till now but will that forever be my path? Just another employee?? Ohhhh~~ the dilemma

Drifting apart

It seems to me that i've been there and yet not there for awhile now. I can't help but to feel that i'm drifting further away from my peers at work, not all of them but most of them i think... Could it be due to my boss or it is just me? I'm getting more serious and less idiotic lately, and the more serious i am the further apart i feel. A colleague of mine used to chat with me a lot but lately we hardly speak to each other .... and this symptome seems to be expanding to my other colleagues, one by one... Is this my fault?? Sigh .... I guess i'm bounded to be Mr Lonely ...

Dumb or insufficient knowledge?

Through a freaky accident i've triggered my boss's interest in me. Since the first day i've join this dept till yesterday, my manager has not shown any interest in my everyday ongoing but all the sudden it changed... All the sudden he gived me some AR and ask me to get the answer the following day and all the sudden i felt like Jack Bauer. I got 24 hrs to get the answers he wanted ... i was desperate.... and today was round 2, another 24 hrs, another sets of question requiring another sets of answer.

In a way it felt like my boss is helping me to grow by pressuring me so i should feel greatful but on the otherhand i feel stressed and tension by his actions. He is asking me stuff that i have no ideas about and with what ever knowledge that i have i've given it to him but it is still not enough... now i am really scared, i'm scared that i might not be up for this.

Will i survive? I hope i would.... so if u dun see me updating my blog in a very long time, then u know what had happened to me .... .... ...

busy studying la ... not yet die .... i hope hahaha

A fish trip

Last weekend was a long and nice weekend. It was a trip with my fellow mates for a fish hunt. It is also a part of our belated celebration for Deric... but the food is more important not forgetting it's also a part of our gang's gathering





CK came and ask us to go for a Soon Hock or Marbled Goby trip and we've been planning ever since. Got to the mainland about 230 and by 330 we were already in a cybercafe reliving and reminding ourself what our teenage days were like. We went DotA-ing hehe... and then we were off....


We got to Selama, Perak, lead by CK. I must say he is good in remembering roads. He chose the inner roads and avoided the tolls which means we were now in unfamiliar grounds. Yet he knows exactly where to turn, there is not even a thing we could use as a landmark and he is driving as if he knows it like the back of his hands.


Anyway i'll cut the yapping share the food hehe ...





Soon Hock's meat texture... yummy. Once you bite into it, the meat spreads and it almost feel like crab meat but it's more fine n juicy.. kodus to the cook.



The damage~~ ouch~~

High salary paying job?

How many of u have this experience... "You're soooooo rich so of course no problem to buy that..." or any equivalent statement. Well i get that a lot and mostly from my own group of friends; i mean hey, if i'm an engineer and your not then i could understand the logic in that since non-engineering field have a lower starting pay but most of the non-engineering field have an exponential increments, have they put that into consideration when they make such statement? Dun think so.... .... Anyway back to my story... if this statement comes from an engineering field friend then .... .... well its kinda frustrated to hear.

Non-engineers will compare their pay with an engineer and will fire a tomahawk at me saying i'm filthy rich; but when it comes to engineers they will compare company and then bombard you with endless rounds ammonition. Sometimes Most of the time ... I just hate it .... Just because i work in "I" it doesn't mean i own a money photocopier.... sigh... Yes, i have OT allowance and most of my engineering friends don't but it's not my fault that mine have OT. If you really wanna add this point to you bullets then the only thing i can say is, you choose the company when you join it so don't flame me on that, it's your mistake. Don't like your pay? Don't like the benefits? Change job lar~~ Don't take your frustration on me, i got a lower paying job too but you didn't see me complain much so why do you want to pin your frustration on me?

To you guys who thinks i have a high paying job then please look here, hey "I" is not even on the list... then try to get a position in any of those company... FYI, if you are interested to knowing the average pay in our lovely country for 2008... http://fit.mmu.edu.my/files/kellysalaryguidemy.pdf

Old, old friends gathering

It was saturday nite and i was in KL. It would seems to be kinda stupid if i were to stay at home that nite so i decided a friend. After a few phone calls i was asked to go to another friend's bachelor nite. I gived it a thought and had a "what-the-hell" moment, so i went.

When i arrived only i notice how long it has been since i saw some of them, some almost 10 years. And little do i know, i was "invited" the be the wedding buddy, a last minute invitation to an event that i shouldn't decline so i accepted. Well it could be fun, MBS culture again. Later we were all there with beers and some wine there, crapping about all the shit that happen back in the old school days. Damn can't really believe that it's been so, so, so, long ago.

We chit-chatted till 230am before going home to hit the sack before waking up early the next day to give my lil Goldielocks there a quick shower.

Well more updates on our old school dinner next time ..

Laziness ~~

U know what.. i'm feeling lazy. Lazy cause of the fact it's the holidays again or just i don't feel like doing anything ? I don't know. But i do know i don't want to do anything. I'm trying to make my blog more "entertaining" ... ... ok, i'm going jibberish again.... hahah ..

Just that i've not been updating my blog for a week now. So was thinking whether will i do it during the holidays? Things to crap about ....

• Food... tried a mee goreng at Lorong Bangkok in Penang (taste good) and the Coconut Jelly too
  Work, bench swapping... #achoooooo# god the dust is phenominal.
• MooooV, UP UP and away~~~ (no i'm not talking about Superman)
• Farewel, sad story.... sigh...

Another thing i noticed about myself... i like to "haha", in MSN, in IMs and even in blogs.. erm... i think "haha"s are good way of expressing feelings when u don't have words to express or.... u just wanna fill in the blank with somethings without offending others. I dunno.... just a thought.

Will think of some other rubbish to add in later ... after work.... if i hv mood... if i remember ... if.. if... if.... wat the heck .... hahaha ~~ :p

District 9

It time for me to give another movie comment ... this time it is to the movie District 9. Overall i would give it a 3.8 to 4 out of 5 for story line and for others... ... ... well it is a twist (it seems that my last movie was a twist too) . Again it is Meng who came up with the idea of a movie at around 230 pm TODAY to watch a movie TODAY...

Well if u gonna watch this movie make sure u are on the last row and hope you bring a long plastic bag, just in case u nid to throw up... i got all dizzy after bout 40 mins of the movie, and spend 40% of time rest of the movie with my eyes closed, 20% listening to the plot and the other 20% ACTUALLY watching it.

Please dun get me wrong. The movie plot was actually very good, it's just that i think they need to work on the "presentation" part of the movie... It's way too shakey and too "documentary" haha ... Hey this movie actually scored a "A-" on Yahoo's movie review.

Anyway i dun think this post will mean much since this movie is kinda old...

Endless .... .... ....

Now before i proceed, i was just wondering whether does any of you will think "This is gotta be one his days at work of endless job etc..." or anything equivalent? I mean i gotta admit i've been bragging about my work for quite some time now, especially on my Facebook and i know it is starting to annoy people. After reading some Facebook related "publications" i think i'll start to be a "smart" Facebook-er and try not to offend anyone there haha.... anyway this post is not about work its about something else.

Well, until yesterday i have received 5 wedding invitations (and the number might add to 6) in the next three months. The best part is, some are across states. I have one in Oct then two in Nov and 2 in Dec. And some of them are back to back... one after another ... According to one of my "invitee", this year is a very good year in the Lunar Calendar and next is a bad year so most people will try to make it in this Lunar Calendar year. All i was able to do was nod and let out a sigh. Two colleagues, two ex-colleagues and another is a best friend. Of the five i've already agreed to attend at least 2 and it is not even my best friend's dun think i can say no to that righ; anyway should i go to agree to all?? It's a financial burden u know... and yet it is a once in a lifetime event so i shouldn't miss it either...

What should i do??? If i agree to all then it would be a Perak - Penang - KL - Muar - KL trip... supported by a back to back dinner then it would be a mind and body taxing event too. Dilemma...

I'm bored~

Nothing is new here.. yea, i'm bored and always have been for quite some time now so i went to search on something on the world wide web for a topic that has been going on for some time ... ... basically is about me, or should i say things said about me...

Girls
Girls 2

Hahaha ... no, i just simply do it out of curiousity and for fun. Its kinda educational in a way. I know a lot stuff althought not on all topic but this is topic that i have no knowledge about. Sigh.... i could blame myself for not going to "learn" it but.... well i dunno.

Work has been very much about me since it is the only place where i can feel the appreciation and sense of belongingness. And like all things, all good things must come to an end, and when it does i will go from a appreciated person back into a nobody. So due to this reason, i like working, i like being involved in projects, it is the only time where people knows that i'm alive. I guess this is due to the bad experience back in my secondary school days and it got futher amplified as i reach college where people will come looking for me when they have issues and bark at me when i'm unable to deliver also forgets me when issues is resolved.

YES~~ I'm a peon and as Bluewindz like to put it, i'm an Bangla... ermmm let me upgrade myself, i'm an Titanium Bangla.

Addiction

Yea... i'm addicted to something nowadays... I usually spend my weekends at home watching youtubes and usually looking for some documentary and i got addicted to MythBuster then it was MonsterSearch then MegaStructure, er.. there was somethings on Ancient Civilation and Ancient Warriors well the list goes on.

Anyway my new addiction is still related to videos... now it's TED talks. I was first introduced to the talk via a friend's link in facebook but it was from youtube. Later thanks to Anupam who told me of th official site to the TED talks and since then i would visit the site few times a week looking for some interesting talks. The talks are nice and educational since the speakers are really good in what they do. So if u ever nid something to stimulate your mind, i would personally recomend it.

ROM??

This seems to be a very new word to me. All this while the only ROM i knew was Read Only Memory, now it has evolved into another word that is so foreign to me that it is almost alien... Registration of Marrige. Hahahahahahhahahhahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ....

Please excuse my rudeness. I can't help but to feel helpless when i see this word. It just seems to foreign to me and yet it's been popping up here and there. My colleague registered last year and is getting married this year and then another close buddy of mine just attended his own ROM with another good friend of mine, and ... well just a lot of ROMs and marrige going on and i can't help to feel that it is just the begining....

This just got me thinking.... as many ROM and marrige that i see and heard, i have seen and heard my fair share of death and sickness too. Quoting from a Chinese series "How many tenth of years do we have in life?" which is quite true... i always tell people life should be lived not endured but look at me. Am i living life or enduring it?

Birth - growing up - career - love - family - death

A simple cycle yet i see so many is unable to fulfill it. Maybe the simpliest things in life are the hardest to accomplished. I'm building my career and i've almost lost touch with family and the "best" part is that death just seems not so far away nowadays. I've passed the first two stage... and like the song goes...where is the luv~~ ... where is the luv ~~ the luv ~~ the luv

In the end...

Well this is actually a back post... a back post about my grandmother's funeral. Yea.. funeral... a funny topic i would say. I remember some years ago when i met an old friend and we came to a common topic which is death. During our old school days we do not care much about money other than how should we spend it. But as time goes by there comes the topic such as love, work, money, weddings and death. Anyway... ...

At my grandmother's funeral, she had a Christian funeral btw, the final few steps we took together was at her church. There was the service by the father and everyone was in the church and listning. As usual whenever i am in a holy place i would start to feel uneasy as i will start to think about something about everything and i will end up with a blured mind. This time i didn't went that far (at least i wasn't blurred), i was thinking about things i would say etc.

Anyway at the end of the service, we pay our last (at least for me) to her. We lined up and as we walk out the church we would stop by her coffin. As the pace was kinda slow as we are walking out, i had time to start to feel the enviroment. By the time i reach the coffin, again all i said was "good bye and rest well" and as i reach the exit i felt tears building up. And this time i feel it... i felt the sadness and the grief, i felt tears. Something i haven't really felt in a very long time.

After minutes of sadness and grief... i stopped, i calmed myself and minutes later i'm back to normal.... anyway i didn't follow everyone till the end as i need to rush back to Penang.

CRAP~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *%&^(!&)^&*^&)(!^&

Dammit... as i was leaving my house i dented my car again... the bloody place has such sharp corners and usually i would hv avoided it but what this time i missed?? CRAP~~~!!!!!! When i arrive in the lab i accidently knock on my probes and broke another of a very scarce ... double crap... damnit damnit damnit... what a way to start of my week at work...

need to flush this out of my system to avoid me burning up people to a cinder with my fiery breath of death... ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

LIFE SUX~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All over...

Sunday... at approx 840am my dad told me that grandma is gone. I was at their hotel room in Penang since they came up to pray for my aunt who passed away in 2004 together with my cousins. I was not stunned or do i feel suprised, it was slightly more than an "ohh.." moment but there was no sadness there. And to make the story even better, dad says he heard grandpa telling him that he is taking grandma along with him. Spooky?? Well it's family so i can't say that it is spooky.

We arrived at Kek Lok Si and then i decided to inform my bosses about the incident and that i need to take off from Penang to attend the funeral. It was after i send the sms and that i recieved the reply from my colleague where i start to feel a slight tear in my eye. Although it didn't form big enough to drop or drool down my cheeks but i know it was there. At that moment i did feel sad but it was just for a very short moment so short that when i noticed that it is there, it was all gone. The unfinish droplet suddenly dried up and i was back to normal. After our short prayer, i send dad n mum back to the hotel to get their stuff and then i went back to my house to get my laptop then we are off, back to KL.

Later that night we went to Klang where her body is there. There was not many of the family there. From what i know, she has seen everyone that she wanted to see but she still miss something. She missed the moment to see "the family", she has only seen the members but she has not seen the family as the family. She hung there for a week, fighting and struggling, and just before everyone was able to make it back in time. The "train" left. She was gone. According to Sonya she was crying the night before she "go" tears keep rolling down her cheeks, maybe she knew she is at her limit, that she could not hold any longer... i guess those are the tears of dissapointment, tears of regret, tears of un-fulfilment.

I went to her coffin just before i left and i looked at her, through the glass window. At that moment, i feel a weight, a weight weighing down on me from within. It is slightly heavy, it was slightly burden, it was some sort making me a little heavy on my breathing. Unlike how i felt last time in front of grandpa, this time there is no negetive feeling in me. Over at grandpa i felt bad for not appologizing for some of the things i said and done, but in front of grandma there was nothing. Except for the "heavy" feeling there was nothing else. And unlike other aunt whom pass away bout 3 years back there was no sadness.

Before i leave i just say in my heart. Rest now grandma....

I wonder how would i feel later at her funeral tomorrow. I'll take the next bus back to Penang and hopefully able to make it in time to go back to the lab to do some work. Has work dulled my senses??

Hope u r alright...

Just got a sms from my bro not long ago... he say that one of our cousin is saying that grandma is in critical condition... .... seriously... i do not know how to react. I'm still in the lab helping my GT out with some board issue and at the same time i got this news which is kinda disturbing. How should i react? What should i do? What could i do?

Here i am again in a large cold room with nobody else but me, is this a good setting for me to be in right now??? But frankly it would be much of a difference too even if i am with a bunch of friends i guess... when i got this news i could have easily shared it with my GT who is sitting right next to me, but i didn't ... i chose to held it in and act like nothing happened and said totally nothing... ...

Had just finish my dinner and i'm suppose to continue with my work but i really do feel disturb by this news (that is why i'm writting this blog i guess).... I'm miles and miles away so i know there is nothing that i can do so no point for me to be disturbed right? Come to think of it, grandma has not been in very good shape since last year so being in critical condition should not come as a suprise right? So for me trying to feel normal should be normal, right?? But it's family, regardless how far away you are, as long as you know that a family member is not in a good shape you have your share of sadness and worries, right? Why am I slapping my right hand with my left hand here... I'm making statements that contradicts everything... ...

Seriously i do not hope to get any suprises from my brother again tonight.... or any other night ... ... hope you are alright grandma ... ... ....

Edited at 8.48pm: I'm at home now, can't get over what i just wrote here so i decided to add in a few more words. I should be feeling sad and worried now but i don't think i'm feeling that but i do feel confused. Confused at why am i feeling confused instead of worried... why is that? What is wrong with me? Have i lost my ability to feel again? Another confusing night in the corrupted mind of the Leech.

Internal flame

This is actually what happen about a week ago... an incident that fuel me up so much that i feel like i can do a "scorched earth" on Bayan Lepas with relative ease. Let me go into some background before i continue my bullet bombardment. There was a task that was originally assigned to me but it was later given to "the-person-whose-name-should-not-be-spoken" or TPWNSNBS (wow even in short the name is still damn long haha... let's cut the name shorter ... ok.. i'll just call it as "It" hahahaha) to handle. For me it was blessing since i had my hands tied then.

Time pass ... .... ...

Then shyt happens... "It" suddenly say that "It" is feeling too tension causing "It" to fall sick and do not wish to continue the task. So out of the blue i have to take the task back and continue working on it, which during that time i was still ok with it. So i worked on it and try to finish what ever loose ends available.

Few days later ... ... hell broke loose again, at least from my end.

All the sudden "It" says "It" want to take back the task and continue where "It" has left of... Seriously when i got the news i was feeling so angry, WTH~~ when u wan it, u take it; when u don't feel like it, u just throw it away? (sorry for my choice of words here) Fuk U ~~~~~~~~~ I'm not a ball where you can throw me around wherever and whenever you want. To makes matter worse "It" wish to test my EQ and ask to talk about this matter... damn i still need to put on a smiley face to discuss about something i'm so enrage about.

I can work with anyone regardless of their attitude and personality or how much i dislike them as long as they perform professionally at work. This is something i instill within myself and i've always perform to my best on this matter; but since you can't even give me the pleasure of treating you professionally as a professional then do not blame me for treating you as a slob as you are from now onwards. This is not the first time you perform un-professionally and i seriously doubt this will be the last either. How can people (i'm soooo tempted to use the word slime) survive here? Damn it.. life is so unfair.

Life of boringness

I just had a thought today... a thought that doesn't seems to be too nice on my ... er... ... ego?? The thought was... ...

Am I a boring person??

I asked 2 person this question today and both of them give me a confirmed "Yes". One of them was a good and very close "more-than-friend" friend and another was someone who have just know me for less than a month. I've basically went from misleading to interesting to, basically who i am today, plain boring. I just notice that all i ever talk about nowadays y have something to do with work.

I mean about 2 weeks ago i attended a gathering organized and attended by my GT along with other GTs in PDC and at most of the time there i stood there like an idiot. I can't find any interesting topic to talk or could i cook up some stupid jokes like i always have ... i was just there like and idiot... and thinking back it was kinda odd for me to show up too... why did i showed up?

What have happen to the Leech? The leech who can talk from sun rise to sun set on virtually anything on everything. What happen to gift of the gab that i once had? What happen to cooking up topics just to get the ball rolling ?? What happen to all that? What happend to me?? The Leech.... what the ... ... ... ...

Have i been too involved in work that i've lost most, if not all, of my communcation skills? I've lost touch with the world so much that i don't even know what is going on outside the four walls of my lab and house. Damn this is a painful thought.

Just damn.... sigh

Seriously ... i need a life... i spend so much time at work and when i'm NOT at work i'm at home either gaming my day away or login to the VPN and working from home ... and again... work... Am i that "responsible" or am i just that too serious with work or am i just plain stupid? I really need to get out more, smell the poisonous gas of carbon monoxide of the streets of Penang more, crap... i just need to get out. And arriving at this point of my blog i seems to start blabbering away again ... this is another thing i notice bout myself... i tend to talk like a 70 year old grandfather lately... always blabbering about this and that ... damn, damn, damn.... i better stop before i extend my blog with another thousand words talking about rubbish... nitez ...

The hardship of work

The Hardship of Work

The tides has come and fade away
And I can't stop to wonder why I stay
Is this what I seek in life?
To work to slave and to learn to strife

Most I know work from 9 to 5
Yet I work from dawn to mid-night sky
Ever wonder what it worth?
To think about this make things worse

I vowed that I won't stay late
I vowed that I'll control my working state
But what I vowed I can't commit
As my workload seems to see no peak

A Pandora's box I have open
Leading my misery to grow worsen
Is this the price to climb the stairs?
To work my ass off and yet nobody cares

Will my contribution be seen and appreciate
Or will I be thrown aside and left to depreciate
I should speak up to be heard and to be seen
Else I might be thrown behind the scene

Can't help to wonder what bosses sees?
Am I an individual or something among the flea
If there is no future here for me to foresee
Then I'll take my bags cause it's time to flee

- From the pages of the Pathetic Poet -

Fish out of water

I think we all have that moment before, the moment where you would shout in your inner mind "What the hell are you doing here??!!" and "What have you got yourself into??". Well i had just one of this evening just today. There was this little gathering organized by the GTs and accidently i got myself invited to it. Initially i thought it could be fun, i mean going to met new people and stuff, something that i've not done in a very long time.

But least to my expectation is that... well i'm old. I no longer have the gift of the gab and i no longer able to mingle freely among the them as easily as i once could. Could it be because i'm kinda tense lately, thus making me a little isolated? I don't know. Going there and i found out that the youngest member is only 23 and i'm 26. Is there a gap between us? Hope not.

Anyway we ate and chit chat a little but most of the time i was just there standing, if it weren't for FR i might have died of loneliness and solitude. I enjoyed my time there but at the same time i feel odd... if there is another of such event, should i join ??

P/S no picture from me today... i took a few shots but it's still in my camera and i'm kinda lazy to upload it just yet... but come to think of it i might not post them either.... herm...

Hell of a headache

Damn... been having this headache since 2+ / 3 and it's has been nothing but trouble yet i need to keep working till 11pm coz my pending data. Feeling so confused that i can hardly think straight. I am so envious of those people that can OOP just because they are having headache, and i can't help but to wonder.... .... can i do the same? I wish... i really do wish i could but i know i can't.

Execution - paper work - review - meeting - provide training - execution - paper work - review - meting - provide training -

this is my life for the pass 2 weeks and all the sudden i was told that i need to train another guy and all i could feel at that specific moment was "WTF???" i'm kinda having my hands tied now and i hardly have time to provide proper training to my GT. I have to resort throwing something for my GT to try to figure out, to keep occupied so i may kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Seriously i feel bad for not providing proper training but i'm being held down by paperwork, which can be a hassel and with this headache of mine, its a chaos... damn i can hardly think now... gtg... ciao

Frustration with a name

Before i continue further i think i should point this out

How many of you guys (and gals) out there knows my name's "proper" pronunciation ?
How many of you knows the correct spelling to my name?
How many of you answered Yes to both question?

and the final question... ...

How sure are you?

I've been working in "I" for more than 14 months now and through out this 14 months i have been mistaken as someone else, misunderstood and misinformed on and about a lot of stuff. How should i know there is another guy with the same name spelling as i am. Mine is already very odd, i can't believe there is another with the same spelling and we are in the same compony and same building.... but that was years ago but till today i will still get some off-track emails that should be for "him" instead of me...

Above all that, what i could not stand is that i've been answering to a name that is not even mine to begin with for 14 months. Sometimes i cant help but to wonder, what have i done to the nurse who wrote my name on my birth certificate? What sin have i done to her/him, that s/he have to make me suffer till my dying day? Or should i put the blame on my parents for not correcting it sooner?

Throughout my days, i've been told by my parents that my name is pronounced as Hoe (or Ho) then why is there an additional O in my name? I've been correcting people about my name all my life, and i've always introduced myself as Chee Hoe (or Ho, so don't make me start grumbling again about this shit) but what is it that everyone and i do seriously mean EVERYONE still get ot wrong here in Penang? I don't think i have this problem back in KL so why here in PG ?? WHY???

Most of the time, if not all of the time, i would prefer they to address me as CH or Leech or even Tiger as some EV-ians like to call, at least they get the name right but why not my name? It is getting very frustrating. How would you feel if the someone keeps calling some other name and you keep have to response to it? To some of you it may be okay but to me... my name is the thing i care the most next to family. It is a gift from my parents to me, so i'm going to honor and protect it with my life? May be this has been a reason why i've put 120% effort in all the things that bears my name or symbol. I've tried to ignore it but this has gone on for much, much too long. It has to end... and to end it shall.

Home-cooked-meal-day

A break from my usual gloomy and sadist post. Today i'll talk about something that i think most of you will not believe or try not to believe. Its sunday and i decided to play "cook your own meal" .

Basically i decided to cook my own meal coz i spend quite a lot yesterday and i REALLY need to clear my old stock. It's been a month since i bought all those food. Anyway instead of my usual instant noodle meal, i've been cooking up something healthier (at least there is not so much artificial flavour)

First up... my lunch

What is in it?
Mix vegetables
Cocktail sausages
Egg


The taste?
Edible lar ... although it's a little dry (note to self, need to work on how to make it not so dry)

And for dinner ....



What is in it?
Mix vegetables
Cheese
Almost overdue Cameron tomato
Dried tomato and onion flavoured tuna

The taste?
Of course edible... the tuna cost me RM 7+, this is my most expensive meal i've ever cooked to date.

So you guys still see me at work at tomorrow then you'll agree with me that it is edible, right? :p

Lunch as an ... ... ...

Arh... i'm finally at the comfort of my home, er... i think.... #yawwnnnn~~~~# Another 7-11 day again in the office. Anyway back to my lil' post of the day.

Had lunch with the new members today and of all the identity i go as, i went as an "intern" hahaha... Yupz, they introduced me as an intern in their dept and i went along with it all the wayyyyyy. Cant believe i still can to pull it off, but i did make some mistakes like thinking too hard (i'm chairing a meeting after lunch), and knowing too much about company "I".

Over at lunch, i am very suprised at the amount of people that came, we basically have 5 tables which is about 20 person showed up. It is really a wonder how good friends they are, may be from uni and may be from their training classes but i can't say the same for me. At least after the end of my N.E.O. and my training i am still a nobody among all the new the members from my batch... and after a year, i'm still a nobody.

Anyway, overall it is a fun lunch they had some good jokes and i too played along. One of their friend did ask my buddy about where is her buddy. I was there yet i was not hahaha ... fun ~~

RM6 worth of entertaiment

By the looks of the title i guess you would have guessed that it is a movie and it is a movie. Yes, as "kayu" as i am, i still go for movie, if asked that is hehehe... (hey i'm an introvert person).

We went for a add hog movie, well we basically decided to go for a movie at around 7 and decided on the movie on the based on possible seats available. The show we selected, Obsessed. How should i rate this movie ... erm... gimme a minute... ... ... ... (5 seconds gone)
... ... ... ... (another 5 seconds gone)
... ... ... ... ( yet another 5 seconds gone)
... ... ... ... (and another )
... ... ... ... (and another )
.. ... ... ... (and... well u get the picture hahahaha )

Well to wrap it up, it is a RM6 worth of movie, AM and I concluded that if you were to pay RM10 for it then you'll start using foul words as soon as you leave the cinema till you fall asleep. BUT if you pay RM6 for the movie, you would think that it is a new flavor. Well the movie plot is not exactly what you would expect from a cinema-grade movie so it's kinda refreshing. Yet again, it shouldn't have been a cinema-grade movie in the first place (this is totally my personal P.O.V.) it looks like some plot that would come from T.V.B series.

Oops... hope this post won't cause a decline in tickets hehehehe ... but what the heck the money to goes into my pocket anyway so .. .. .. who cares :p

The Masked Rider - Leech version

I'm kinda squeezing my head here .... erm... well, it's something like this. I was just about to pack my bag and leave and then i got an IM from a counterpart from some other site asking me to check something... damn it's 6+ and he ask me to check something for him on my side. Without any from of hesitation i agreed to do the request since it is job related and the closure is around the corner. While workin on the thing i start to notice on my surrounding... it's so empty.

blurrrrrr ####

Well forget about what i wrote above... basically i just wanna say i'm feeling kinda empty now. I'm all alone is the house, two of my housemates are still at work, another has went to bed and here i am in the living hall blogging. Nobody on my messenger list that will drop me a nudge for a chat, nobody there who i feel like chatting with ... sigh.... this is kinda like the feeling last night as i was going to bed. I twisted and turned multiple time, unable to fall asleep. Then i really do feel like calling someone up for a chat... anyone at all... may be not anyone ... but someone... yet i can't think of anyone ... ... no one ... at all... ... ... .. . .. . . . . ..

Seriously, i think i need some help here. I really need to learn how to de-prioritize my work and re-prioritize on myself. I'm starting to think that i might actually loose my communication skills and my verbal edge. I need to enrich my "vocabulary" not only in english and chinese, but also in my "rubbish-generating" mind.

er.... i think i'm off track again.... sigh.... ... ....

All the sudden i got the urge to call someone up for a chat... but... i can't think of anyone. I think i got a lot of stuff jumble up and it is stocked and stacked in such a way, it is so condense and it's blocking the flow of words.

Solitude
Magnitude
Attitude
Dispute
er.... any other words that rhyme with that???

Risk n responsibilities

Why did i left my last job?

That was among my question i asked in one of those "How well u know ... " quiz and to those who attempt it would have know the answer to that by now. So that leads me here ... I came to Penang to join "I" for a gamble... i always ask myself this "Would you give up something you know you want for something you think you want?" How much would you gamble for an uncertaintenty?

I took the gamble... I've given up my place at KayEll, my friends and my family there to come here for a gamble. A gamble saying that this is what i want, this is what i enjoy doing... but another question arise from my actions from yester-years, today.... is this what i wanted? I wanted a piece of the pie and now, i might actually get a slice of it... or should i say 14 pieces of it.

Am i biting off something that i can't even chew? Usually i would have no doubt in myself in work but this time it really borthers me but today there are two things that clouds my judgement of myself. First and foremost is the fact that i'm on "I" where the smartest of the smart works and deliver (or that is what they say), am i even qualify to hold a candle to them? YS, YY, CL, KS, MH... and the list goes on, they are the among the godlike people that i know at work. Where will i stand when i'm put in line with them or will i just be another piece of "something" after a stampede?; and secondly, am i really ready to take up all 14 of these baskets ?

Something CS said today over Facebook which does give me a keyhole to what my future might hold. Hours and hours of endless overtime with endless issues and debug and all alone in a big and empty freezer of solitude; that is what i've gotten myself into and this is the outcome of my little gamble. Give me victory or give me death... i guess this is the only thing i can tell myself now. Unless i try i will never know ~~

Trans-Am fullburst mode - ikimas~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7 - 11, is that what life is all about?

Arh... life... i've been having this 7 - 11 life for quite awhile now and i'm still practicing it even though i'm tired like an arse...

Today seems to be a good day to write something... i mean thought of something that i really need to keep in mind.

Bout half hour ago i was still in the lab doing this stupid rework, which could have been done by other team but for god knows why, it got stuck to me ... and all my work done previously during the weekends just went down the drain so beside my fame quote of "WTH~~" i have no other comment... sigh....

Then bout 20 mins ago as i was leaving the company compound in my car, i was listening to the radio and heard sometime rather funny and "educational". The radio announcer was telling bout a story bout a guy who kept on saying "I'm bout to die soon and you are #blah blah blah #" or "I'm bout to die soon and i am #blah blah blah #". He was at a function and the chairman is having a ball of a time yapping away his "wonderful speech" and this guys started saying I'm bout to die soon and i'm here listening to this guy, i've just lost another 2 hours with my wife" But the fact is that this guy is very healthy, he could take his time over a buffet dinner, go for a walk in the part etc... he just choose to live life to the max doing the things he likes and enjoy. This some how reflect onto me where i spend so much time in the office so what about me? I'm going to die soon too... but i'm still in the office working my pants off... tis could proof to be an issue.

Later bout 10 mins ago, i was still listening to the same radio station and the same radio announcer was talking about this person who is rather famous (is a chinese author) who wrote a story bout her mother. The mother always calls her up asking her to come back home and since she is working in a place so far, far away, she seldoms goes back to visit. The mother would keep calling rushing her to come back and she would give excuses that she's busy with work and all... the mother even ask her the lie to the boss saying that she has cancer and has bout 6 months to live but in return she got a small lecture from the daughter on this and this also reminded them of the old times when she doesn't want to go to school. Later the mother went to town to pay her a visit, and the mother took the cheapest bus available which was packed and smelly and with her was a bunch of fresh fruits and vegetables from the farm back home. To the author she could not understand how her mother was able to kept it so well preserved even in such condition and she concluded, wherever there are mothers, there are always miracles.

Anyway the story continues that the mother kept on pushing that the author took the time to go back and spend some quality time with the mother. The mother would spend every minute of her time with the daughter, talking and sharing even right before she goes to sleep at night she would have a small smile on her face. But 2 weeks later she got a call from her aunt telling her mom was sick, she went back thinking it was a trick like last time but at the bus station her mother was not to be seen. When she got back the aunt told her that right after she called, her mom has already "left" but she left smiling, knowing that she has spend her last happy moments with her beloved daughter. And her mother indeed had cancer and indeed only have 6 months to live.

Well listening to this story i really do felt sad and all... a part of me knew of the ending it would bring but i kept sitting there in my car listening. It seems like the inner me wish for me to listen and i did. From all these events today it has brought me to think about life. We often spend too much time working that we ignored bout ourself and we opt to spend more time for ourselves. But little do we know that for the little time we spend on ourselves, we spend even less time for our beloved ones, namely our parents, our family.

Is work really that important that it worth sacrificing your life and the life of your loved one? This question coming from a guy who works 16 hours a day, 7 days a week seems to carry little, if non at all, any weight. But it does make one thing... ... is it worth it? I know i'll be thinking of these for the next few days and in about 2 weeks time i would have return to the old me... 16 hours shift again but at least i stopped and smell the coffee today ... ... food for thought.

Smooth sailing~~

I'm very supprise by the flow of traffic this morning... i can almost count the amount of cars on the road. This is most suprising but i strongly believe this can and will change after 4pm hahah... i got a feeling the jam will be so great u'll regret you go up the bridge... ... ... which is what i'll be doing later today :'(

Wish me luck~~~ hopefully it will only be for an hour sigh~~

The EVil within

I've been feeling the darker side of me taking over lately. Few days ago, i almost caused a bike to crash into me and when the guy showed me the "finger" and instead of showing the "i'm-sorry" hand, i showed the thumbs-up.... that guy was so furious that he almost got down the bike to hit me but the thing is... ... i'm not even worried about that during that instant. I was still cool about it and not even feeling guilty about almost causing an accident. I root cause it to two items that contributed to me acting this way.

1. There was a bloody car parked on the road which took up 3/4 of the 2nd lane which i've really gotten SOooooo fed up with;
2. He showed me the "finger", if he were to show the "WTF" or the "WTH" gesture i think i would have still say i'm sorry..

At another incident, i almost lashed out at my colleague for a small issue that i've almost and nearly accepted and i still don't know why i reacted the way i reacted. But the fact that i reacted is that i still unable to totally accept it right?

Was kinda wondering... ... what cause me to have my dark side appearing ?? stress?? i wonder... ... ... ...

Sleepy~~~

I had a wonderful weekend last week, i spend so much time doing other things and as a result I had so little sleep that have a pair of bags that is deep enough to put my laptop. What is the meaning of this? I remember telling myself that I want to have a healthier lifestyle, but in the end ... ... ... =p

Let's see... slept at 2am on Friday, 5am on Saturday and again 2am on Sunday and today is Monday~~~~ yippie~~ and today's fashion is a sleepy look on monday blues hahahahaha (I wonder whether will this ever be a fashion trend someday.... ) . Why am I blogging now? Well basically i'm suppose to work but I can't seems to concentrate on my job and since I'm going to be ideal sitting here I might as well make my fingers move more since EH said that I haven't been updating my blog lately.

Well basically nothing happen much lately so there aren't much interesting stuff to put in so ... ... ... and not forgetting I'm lazy haha... and somehow I got back my DotA mood again ... sigh~

Intern?

Haha... this was a thought i had in mind recently...

Was really thinking, if i were to tell people that i'm an intern, will anyone believe me?? Hey i'm not old so it shouldn't be that hard to swallow if i were to tell people that i'm intern right? =p

Hey it's just a thought...

Lonely Boloney~

Damn.... i'm having that feeling again ... that feeling of emptiness and endless boredom. Really hate this feeling and to contribute to this i am kinda lazy to work too so i can't drown myself in work to overcome this.... sigh~ ~ ~

I think i know what contribute to this... or at least partially ... ... i've been having an empty MSN list haha... dispite having a relatively long list of contact on my MSN but there is hardly anyone whom i can or want to talk to; and there seems to nobody who wanna talk to me, do i need to establish first contact ?? ... double sigh~ ~ ~

Maybe i should do what Ernie been doing, simply nudge anyone who appears online on the list just to establish a first contact and see who replies... but this leads to another problem, is not like i wanna talk to everyone on my list... triple sigh??? sigh~ ~ ~

hehe... i guess i shouldn't blog too long... dun wanna get caught :p

The Leech - M.I.A

Hi hi~~

To those who has been following my bloggie, you would have notice that i've been missing for quite some (well long to be exact) time. And yes a lot had happen and there are tonnes of things i wanna talk about blah blah blah... well i will try to get to those "blah blah bah" stuff asap (if i can still remember them :p) but tonight... tonight i think i'll try to remind myself the things that had happen.

Well definately May has not been a good month for me, too much negetive stuff been happening to me and it has really brought me down for the count and believe me, at those times i really feel like giving up but i know i can't...

Let's break them up so i can remember them more clearly next time when i try to recall... my PC's PSU went flat and 2 weeks later my table fan went and join my PSU in the "happy land" too and it was partly due to the touch-of-death of.... .... .... (its not nice to mention names) so am i pissed?? Well i would be lying if i say i weren't but ... ... i guess i shouldn't talk too much about it here since there will be friends reading and i don't really want to start a commotion so let's drop it .... then there was issues at work which never seems to end, but on the other hand if it does then i would be out of job would I ??

On the happy front... i got myself a new graphic card and i've yet paid for it haha so inclusive of the 2 other thing i mentioned above, i'm damn broke, but i don't mind coz now i can enjoy more games and enlongated my entertainment... and hey guess what... ... 3 more days it will be my 2nd anniversary into my working life as an engineer and my 371 days here in the "I" company. Can't believe how time has left me and how senior i'm getting (well it's not nice to use the word old). Still i can't compare to my other friends who has worked more than 4 years and they are the same age as me, i mean ... what the... ... ... sigh...

Well on other goings... i've been spending a lot of time on Facebook (i mean besides from work) to those of you who have been active in Facebook, you would be familar with the ongoing quizes and the recent most "hot" quiz is the "How well you know me" quiz and without a doubt i've spend my equal share of time preparing the quiz. I've basically created 24 question but i've only used 16 of them and i don't even want to create the part 3 of my quiz since most of them don't like them ... ...

Guess what... i think i've summarize majority of May on goings in this post tonight haha... well i think it is expected of myself. When i do start writing i would continue writing until i'm done or when i get tired, and now i'm done and i'm tired so ... ... TTFN~~~

Deprived sleep

Seriously this is nothing new for any of now, how many of us are getting enough sleep nowadays? Do you? Even if u sleep at 10 and waking up at 8, you would still complain you've not enough sleep but i'm starting to feel the hazard of not getting enough sleep.

Sigh it's getting harder to concentrate nowadays. Too tired + too much work = very low productivity. I've been getting those "hang" period during the day... like those where your mind just wondered off and you are left with only the body type of feeling...

Is this caused by lack of rest or due to mounting of job??

Ehmmm.. ... ...

Monday morning~~

Something i captured on a Monday morning sky and edited using MS Paint...

Erm...

Been doing some blog searching... i just noticed that i've quite a few negetive radiating post lately and i can't help but to wonder why... ... ... am i at my limits and looking for a way out? Sometimes i wish i could do like what those cartoon would do, where they open some hatch from their body and lump and lump of steam get released from their body and they transform into something else... i need to let off some steam~~~

Offence vs offend

I think this will be a short one... i hope...

I think i offended someone today... or not... ... anyway that person seems offended.. the problem is... ... ... what happen??? Why do i always have this tendency of pissing others off?And usually not know it until its too late... Is this a gift? If it is, why can't i be gifted in other areas instead... why???

But this actually got me thinking the other way around.

Why is it that i'm the one offending others?

Why don't they ever think that they might have offended me instead?

Why am i always the guilty one?

I have friends who offend me on and off and i can't really recall when was the last time i really throw a tantrum at them, the only recent one was about a year ago when i was helping out a friend and another earlier one was on my birthday 2 years ago but i decided to overlook it because of my other friend who was also celebrating his birthday.

When i'm angry i would tell that i'm angry, so that they will not do it again and if it's their first offence i can't even blame them cause they don't know. How could you blame someone for doing something that you don't like when they do not know that you don't like it in the first place? (Confused yet?) sigh~ it seems that everything is always the Leech's fault, everything goes to the Leech's account... everything but money... Why?? Why???

What have i learn from this? I learn that i can't repent for my crime, mainly is because i do not know what i did wrong, how do i repent on my mistake when i do not what mistake have i made in the first place? If this keep going on i seriously doubt i can get into any serious relationship with others. If my normal friend can't stand it, how do you expect your partner to actually face it? Double sigh~~~

The XX chromosome individuals

I will be dead lying if i were to say i'm not interested in pretty ladies, well at least that what most of you will be thinking. But to keep it fair, i'm not denying that pretty ladies are nice to look at and even be around with but that doesn't mean anyting, at least on my account. I would look at them and even admiring their beauty in every angle possible, visually i mean, but other than that... nothing. Looking at them is the most i would do, no lust nor intention, just plain admiration of their beauty from afar.

Well i have come across a lot of ... erm... rather pretty and attractive lady friends in my years on this lovely planet, from my school days right to my days at work of which i am not very close with. I can't help but to wonder, why? It seems that i can never get too close to them. I mean we are friends and all but ... ... ... i can't say that we are anything near the entry level of a close friend (Leech's defination of friendship hierarcy ). We talk when we met in person ... ... and that's about it. And most of the time even when i do see a attractive individual, i don't even borther going to know them, just because they are pretty that doesn't mean i need to know them right? Another side of the story would be, i would have this paradigm of they will think that "I'm pretty so it's only normal that guys would wanna be around me." so i won't give them the pleasure of thinking that about me, but this is totally me and my own thoughts so don't be offended.

Sometimes Nowadays i start to wonder, why? Why aren't i close to any pretty lady friends of mine? ( a disclaimer here, i'm not saying girl friends that i'm close to are not pretty so PLS don't think of it the other way). Maybe is partly due to my so-called confidence. I'm not very confident in myself in thinking that they are really interested in being friend with me, maybe coz i think i'm not that much of an attractive or interesting person. I used to think that girls might like me for who i am but i found out that my friends are more attractive that me most of the time so i figured that i'm not a par with most people around me i guess.

I have a few pretty and attractive girl friends whom i'm close with, and that is because they are no longer available thus i would let go of my guard and be close and befriend with them. Knowing that they are no longer available means they won't think that me being close to them is due to any "evil" intention and again this is strictly my own belief. I seriously doubt that i will like a person if she's not attractive but if she's attractive i will not take an initiative nor will i be interested or keen to get to know her and if i don't know her i will never know whether will i ever like that person... and the cycle continues. So i guess this is another reason that i'm still single till this very day.

Sigh... most people, would like nothing less than being associated with a bunch of pretty and attractive individuals, i like it but i don't crave it ... not a bit, why? May be is due to my paradigm of "Good things will never happen to me" so if i don't crave, i won't be dissapointed when it doesn't happen. But if i don't desire something, i won't work for it... a battle between two of my strongest paradigm and of all things and reasons... it's this.. haha... i laugh at my own personal traits which has brought me most of who i am today hahahaha...

What does it takes to actually get to know a girl without being guilty of lust?

Holiday refresh~~

Its been awhile since i work my a$$ off at work and somehow it feel like i'm even more tired that the time when i was working on that Mountain Goat. Back then i will be working 15 to 18 hours a day on a 6 days week, sometimes 7. Coming home at 12 sometimes at 3 only to go back to work at about 7 the next day, yet i'm still able to keep up with the pace and maintained this lifestyle for almost 2 months but this time... ... ... this time is kinda different, maybe its because of pressure. I mean there were pressure last time too but that was kinda different type of pressure. That was rushing for progress kinda pressure but this time is the troubleshooting type of pressure.

Oh yea i think i've actually gotten into the main topic. I've been slaving in the lab for 5 days clocking an approximate of 85 hours of constant work and debug; and why do i call it a holiday refresh? The last time i have this hectic lifestyle was last July which lasted about more than 2 months. Maybe is due the the scrutiny of each detail at work and the fact that there is a constant daily meeting that requires your update which really adds the pressure and burden on me. Not forgetting having my DE and my DE's boss sitting next to me asking for results ... i feel like i'm under the big spot light in a small pot with super hot boiling water. And somehow the water don't feel like 100C, it feels hotter haha...

Maybe i'm too commited to my job... i mean although i feel damn pressured and tired by all this but i still look forward for the next task and see the outcome... ... ... is this what they call passion?? May be... its something i've never felt in my last job, the only thing keeping me energetic is my responsibilities, binding me to my task. I wonder how long will this passion continue to burn? What will happen if it dies out on me? Will i take the step i took previously which is to resign and look for a better and higher passion?? I wonder...

Twinkle, twinkle LED~~~

I spend few hours soldering that little circuitry 2 days back and today it is broken into 3 different piece and i was like OMG~~~ but it was expected since i know it was very fragile and luckily it did broke apart too. I noticed that i've mix and matched the wrong legs to the wrong part of the circuitry, else i might have seen smoke haha..,

Anyway spend the same amount of time to redo the circuit again... salvage it from a dead board and... ... well after few hours of delicate soldering i manage to get it done. And after connecting it to the board for some serious DOE, i hear a song ... it was twinkle, twinkle little stars.... The LED on the board started blinking which means something with the power delivery / sequence ... which means that the board can't boot and i can't proceed with my DOE which means all my hard work today basically went down the drain again... sigh~~~

I need rest... no OT tomorrow~~~~!!!!! oops... i mean today, its after midnight now hahaha... i've spend almost 34 hours at work for the past 2 days... kool~~~

The Immortal??

I think it was me who said that i wanted to get my life back on track, wanted to go home early, wanted to go out more, get to know more people. Q1 of 09 will be coming to an end in about half hour time and look at me... what have i achieved? Basicaly none... yea, i manage to go home early from work which lasted about for a week before i went back to the same routine... sigh i seriously needed a change.. else i'm doomed. God please give me strength and will power to enable this change within me...

This is the second time this week that i skip dinner... once was on sunday where i was on the bus coming back to Penang. The bus left KL at 6 (but bus ticket says 5.30) so basically i didn't eat anything for dinner. Luckily i have some biscuits in the bag, that sustained me long enuf ... well basically till the next morning.

And today... i worked through dinner and well basically i skipped dinner. Went for a coffee break around 6 and went back to my bench and work and work and work... saw EH and Jeff leaving for dinner but they we heading home afterwards so i didn't ask to join them and the rest... well one left after another and till the end there was only me.... and ironically i forgotten about dinner till it was kinda too late so i gobbled down few biscuits and that's its... my dinner, 2 pieces of IKO biscuits.

This is an issue... this is a hazard...this is ... ... me?? Damn.... Sometims i think i'm learning to be an immortal. HELP~~~~~

Climbing the ladder

Let's see who i am today... ...
...
......
..........
... Oops... i'm still a nobody... sorry for wasting your time there... i'm still that small potato in the huge watermelon farm and i guess i'll remain that potato unless i do something about it soon... but what? sigh~~

Do i look like a person who likes to climb up the ladder? A colleague of mine say dat i am. Is it so obvious ? I wonder...

Yea i wanna go up but most important to me is that people around me give me their full support when i do go up else it would not be much of a success don't u think?

Quiz after quizes

Been spending a lot of time login to Facebook and playing with the quiz on virtually anything... this got me thinking... am i that bored?? Or am i just looking for some sort of entertainment? Can be either i believe, well if i'm not bored i won't be looking for which test is fun to do and if i'm not bored then i won't need entertainment right? But looking at the quiz that i've done its mostly about me - who i am, what type of person i am, am i a good friend etc. So i think it's more of a self journey.

Think of it this way, we know more about the world's mysteries that we know about our own self. I remember a quote from one of the TV series, which i don't really remember the title but its something like the 20,000 league under the sea kind of ship and they are discovering the deep ocean,

we know more about the deep, dark space that we know about our own
ocean.

So its basically the same thing here, we know more abuot the world that we know about ourself. We don't spend enough time on ourselves for ourselves to think and talk to ourselves. So maybe this is what motivated me to do all those test...

Or may be i just need a life =p

Fish fish and more fish

Yea.. what could i say about fish?
Erm...
How about me talking about selling them... so in short i'll call it a selfish story...

Here's the catch (haha... fish and catch) something happened today that somehow triggered me to think how selfish a man could be? It's only natural for a man to be selfish don't u think so? One can't always thinks of others and neglect themselves, right? So the question on my mind now is... when do you call a person to be selfish? If you were to throw me this question, i woudn't know how to answer. I would like to think of myself as an unselfish person, as a giving type but the question remains... Am I? Most of the time when asked about this i would strongly believe that most of us would have the same thinking as i do, saying that "I'm not a selfish person" but deep down.... honest thought... are you?

Whenever i see a selfish act done by others i would come in rage and saying to myself

WTH how could he be so selfish ... i can't believe this guy.

But today i learn to think of it another way... if i were him would i have done the same? Now that's a thought to ponder about... not all the so called injustice and selfish act that i see, i can do. I would usually think,

Will my actions bring mayhem to others???

and if the answer is no then i would do it. Till this point, i would start to wonder how many of you who are reading this would agree with this thought of mine about myself? Well can't actually blame you if you think that i'm not the person who i say i am because if you were to say that about yourself i would have responded the same.

And to be honest i could not be called as an unselfish person myself, if i remeber correctly a friend once told me from the teaching of Buddha, that a truely unselfish man is someone who would do or help to do something without asking / hoping / thinking or even imagining to get anything in return. No rewards, no word of praise, no thank you not even a gesture of acknowledgment for his every actions. Of the four items i named above, i only asked for the last item... a gesture of acknowledgement... just this... is this too much to ask for? But by doing this, i'm hoping to gain something in return for my efforts thus disqualifying me ...

So a question to you fellow readers tonight before you lay yourself to bed tonight would be... when / what was the last selfish / unselfish thing that you've done?

Driving in Penang...

Wanted to talk something on this since long ago but nvr actually got down to write it but i've finally picked up the mood to talk about it.


There are a few things that i could never get into my head about Penang people (in terms of driving) , oh... a disclaimer here, i'm not discriminating towards them just that most of the incidents i've seen here are done by cars with a P plate.


1. How could they drive their Honda Accord as if they are driving a Honda EX5 ? (coz both are Honda??)

2. Does Penang produce their own pertol? (Why do they just like to floor their accelerator so much?)

3. They like to test the car's breaks / ABS / other safety features? (They like to do the "0 km/h to XXX km/h back to 0 km/h in Y sec" test or are they so keen in doing the crash test)

4. Do they have paranomic eye sight? (They see the smallest crack in between cars/junctions as wide as a 4 lane highway and always try to slip thru it)

5. Don't they take "Undang" when they are sitting for their driving lessons?
No cars in yellow box please...

And a few more questions which i don't feel like thinking right now =p. I use to be a calm driver when i was still in KL but now... ... well just say "in Rome, do what the Romans do" or should i say, i've been "Penang-ized".


They say KL drivers are always, either, on the go or at the last tick of the clock. So they tend to drive racklessly in KL, but do bear in mind that in KL a 6 km journey could easilly takes you one hour and sometimes even more during peak hours. It only takes me slightly under 30 mins for me to travel that distance here in Penang and i stay in one of the highly popolated area in Penang with only one exit, DURING peak hours of work. Then the question...
...
... ...
... ... ... Why the rush???


Please educate me fellow Penang-kia(s)

New girl in town

Yupz... been looking around here n there and i've found it... a new babe is in town wuakakakaka... well i'm basically talking bout my ol post a few weeks back. Sigh~~ the lost of my first love phone (along with almost 50% of all my phone's contact, do send me a mail or sms on tis thx ^.^) when my 6610 screen cracked into 2 pieces... sigh...

Anyway i've decided to get a new phone coz after mourning for about a week (u hv no idea the pain of holding a phone which u cannot fully utilize, i can oni recieve calls and i dun even know who is calling :( ), i decided to move on with my life. So here it is... my new babe


the HTC Touch Diamond....

and from the back hehe



I took the white model (psst~~~ its also the limited edition model wuakkakaka), there is also a black model but if black u tend to see finger prints on the body (which was basically y i didn't upload the photo i took of the front) and not to mention i like white, it reminds me of my old phone hehehe.

Been using it for almost a month now, tried to read the manual which was about 127 pages long and that's only the user manual for the phone there is still a manual for some of the software in it i.e. the GPS and the chinese software or something. Don't really went n borther with it. I think i'll read it someday when i'm free like what i did last time when i read my calculator manual which till today my fren scolded / mocked me as nutz and "too free"

Anyway after buying tis baby i've burned a big and deep hole in my wallet it's soOOOOOO deep that i threw a stone in it when i bought it and till today i've still to hear the "bloop" or the "tong" as it reach the bottom, i would hear the occasional hitting the side of the wall but not the end-of-the-line kinda sound... sigh~~~

Anyway i'm done boasting and blowing my own horn hahaha... jz joking, i needed a phone and well it suits my need, i needed a PDA like phone and tis lil lady here suit the profile so i hired her haha... well its back to work hopefully my boss did c me blogging hahaha... talk about risk taking =p

First book of the year

Yippie~~~
I've manage to finish reading a book this year. I think i did put it down in my 2009 resolution... er... dun think so. Tat might be from Emo not me hahaha... cant actually thought i'll be able to finish reading a book. Hey i'm not a reader, i dun read, at least not fictional type but ... well i finish reading a book that's wat counts. I've started reading this book since last october... and its finally over hahaha

What did i learn from the book? Erm... gimme a moment to ponder on this point
.
..
...
..
.
..
...
..
.
..
...
..
.

The joy of working ?? Nah... erm... i think its more on actual on going of working especially if u work from / in a cubical, which i do have but i seldom stay there. Come to think of it the longest ever time i've ever stayed in my cubical was just half day. I needed some quality time (i.e. peace and quiet) to do some paperwork related stuff and in my career of working here in company "I" i've spend less tat 5% of my total working hrs, and that is based on normal working hrs haha.

Well let me share the title of the book... nah... i do better, i'll show u the actual book instead

...
... ...
... ... ...

Hold on to your seats
..
.. ..
.. .. ..
.. ..
..

#Tada#


Hey it might be just a comic book but it's still a thick comic book u know. nvr actually found time to enjoy it other than the time where i spend 1 hr after dinner all alone in the cubical around 840 and read till 940... it's a wonder how peaceful the cubical can be at nite... its a good place if u wanna relax ur mind. Highly recomended... :p

p/s: i actually bought a self-help book, "The 7 Habits" to be precise, in mid feb... i really wanna find time to digest it, hopefully i'm able to post a similiar post before the year is over... wish me luck

Belated Bday Celeb ...

Well it's a belated bday celeb alright... but its a belated bday post haha... it's been more than 2 weeks now since my bday and ... well, i can't say that i didn't care ... i guess i'll blame it on my laziness again haha, i guess we can blame virtually anything on laziness :p...

Well this year is quite a special bday for me... coz within 48 hrs i've had 3 different bday cakes from 3 groups of people, first being my bro and my new sis, where they bought a beautiful and tasty chocolate cake. Too bad i wasnt able to sit down and enjoy it to the last piece as i was rusing back to Pg; 2nd from some Ernie n WY, where they bought a last minute cake; and last but not least my colleagues.

Well with the cake, they need a hero right ... so here he is


OMG, seriously... i can't begin to imagine how many of u feel like strangling my right now wuakakaka.... but as if i care :p

We had a short and simple celeb at the cafe but it was fun haha.... thx to all

Wat the hell~~~~~

Arhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
Damn moody now~~~~~~~
WTH~~~~~~

.... ...... ..... ....
I just found out that there is a scratch on my new spectacles. Wat the hell~~~ How could it has gotten such a long scratch???!!! What happen!!!! Even my old spectacles don't have this type of scratch... damn damn damn damn damn....

Sigh... nid to get my emo straight, cant let it get into the way of my work today... and YES, i'm in the office now, cube actually, been here since 7 this morning too... :'(

Bad day... bad mood indeed... sigh~~

Dun think i saw it ytd so what happen??? Sigh :'(

A small scratch on my spectacles a big cut in my heart

Penang Nite Out

Its been too long since the gang actually went out on a night out, i think the last time was when we went to BM for a round of DotA with CK and Nen even that has been sometime end of last year i think. So ytd was a cool night. The whole gang went out for a drink and supper hahah

We 1st drop by JS's place to watch the badminton finals where we (again) saw LeeCW lost to LinD but compare with the olympic he did relatively well, but seriously, although i didn't expect him to win but seeing him lost is quite a heartbreaker haha... confused feeling but an understandable one i believe.

Next we went on to our designated place of choice Coffee Island @ Gurney.


The place has its own attraction i would say, its at Gurney, near the beach with the cool ocean winds; the price is not "that" expensive considering its at Gurney; and there are a lot of youngster hanging out there so the "view" is not too bad hahaha. Overall, it does makes me feel like a student again, chillin out on a Sunday Nite with a bunch of friends talking rubbish... nostalgic feeling?? haha a little...

But there is one thing that really borthered me over there ... so may be u guys out there could help me out...
If it's called Hot chocolate ... why do you have a cold option for that drink???

When we finish it was 2++ in the morning... so we decide to take leave ... to the next location haha... its supper time :p. David was telling us of a nice Wanton Noodle somewhere at Tanjung Bungah so we decided to give it a try. The journey there was an adventure ... he forgot the way and most of us dun even know where the place is hahaha... but after awhile we manage to find our way there...

The place looks creepy at first, its almost 3 in the morning and we are heading to a market with no much lights and no one around, creepy...



We got there and ordered... David on the other hand went to the Wok and started firing up some deep fry Wanton for us...


The stall is maintained by a 70+ yr old gramps... he's been selling Wanton since he was 16yrs old and that was in 1955. All alone in the market selling Wanton noodle, is he mad?? Well i dunno but he sure has passion for his stall. Oh did i also mention that its 24hrs... during the morning its the wife and son; and at night is him... godly...


and u could not believe the price of the noodle and the wanton... its RM 2.5 for a small and RM 3 for a large (psst.. the large is HUGE~~!!) and the Wanton, hold on to ur seats... its ... its... ... RM1 for a dozen.. RM1 for 12 Wantons... damn its cheap and most importantly, it's good haha... try it :p

Our supper at 3 in the morning haha...

A family of 5

It's 28th of Feb 2009 and i now have another sis haha ...
Yupz... my bro on the hot seat with my cousins
Yippie my bro is now officially wed instead of legally haha. So now i got a sis, well sister-in-law but still a sis right?

The few days of bro's wedding was a rush. I hardly slept and was busy running all around. There were tonnes of thing to do and the list just kept on growing. But alas, its all over haha... The wedding is over, the dinner is over and my bro and sis are on their honeymoon.... as for me... ... i'm still the same ol me... now sitting in front of the PC n blog about my past activity hahaha....

Alas... gratz bro
My sis, my bro and i

P/S: i finish this post on 030309 but din upload it coz can't find the pics hahha...