Stupid or naive??

I did something vry vry vry stupid last friday, so stupid that till now i'm unable to forgive my stupidity. How could i have been soooo stupid??!!!! WHY, u idiot!!!!! WHY!!!!

I got a call from Intel asking me whether am i still interested in the position that i interviewed for 3+ months back and wat did i told them??? I actually said "NO" could u believe it?? I actually declined Intel... my dream organization, my hope was to work in Intel, in a semiconductor industry... and i said NO. WTF were i thinking about???!!!

When they called and asked me this there were 2 things that occured in my mind (well there are more but this were the significant factors) . First, was my promise to my manager saying i'll be staying until i have finish my assignment, which is to develop that program. I'm the type of person who hold true to wat i say so i declined that offer it was due to my determination to honour my promise which i felt really stupid later. And the 2nd reason was my stupidity and me being naive to think that something very unlikely thing could happen.

I often ask myself, how much would / could i sacrifice for something i believe in? And after this incident, i know... the answer is... a lot. I sacrifice something i really really wan for a promise i made, for a hopeless dream, for an impossible outcome. For this few reasons i have sacrifice my dream and my possible future and career.

What did i learn from this experience? I am too naive. Too naive to think that if i strongly believe in something, hold true in something... ... it could might possibly happen. So what if i were to finish my assignment that my manager give me?? Wat do i get in return?? I'm now in an industry that i, myself still doubting about... and i give up my dream career for this?? For a promise?? For something impossible ?? My loyality, my career... which is more important?

I shall put an end to my stupidity and my naive once and for all. I shall concentrate on this task in hand, focus on my job and work hard for my career. I shall not allow myself to indulge in feelings nor emotion once more until i know, i think, i confirm it is time. I shall once again initialize something i've not initialize for quite sometime... something i took years to learn and years to master... something i call the "emotional-lock". To myself... I shall focus once more on something i do best. My work; and when the next oppurtunity come once more, i shall not give it up again for some promise. Emotion shall not be a key factor in this body anymore, instead, my work, my future, n my career. Its time to learn to be selfish, to think more about ME instead of others, to be more assertive in wat i hold true, in wat i wan. Shall be a more objective person from now on. Place an aim and shoot for the stars.

Achievers are dreamers, but they are dreamers who put their dream into actions. I am an achiever and if it is going to require me to sacrifice my emotions once more to get there... i'm willing to do it again if you are going to do something... be the best. That is the way, that is our way in MBS. So may the undying bird rise once more from the ashes and reign chaos to this soul once more.