Buhbye to my first... ...

It was in July 2003 when she came to me... she was the first for me, so it was quite a rush when i for saw her... after undressing her slowly, piece by piece, there she was ... in the naked flesh.... she was mine...

And after a long relationship of 5 odd years... she has endured much punishment from the world. Her body is fill with scars from the harsh world; her face was hit by a high velocity object and scared her beautiful face, ; her body no longers listens to her but today... she took a final blow of them all ... she can no longer smile at me ... and when i look at her now i can feel the pain she is suffering, she now lies broken. But although she can no longer see me nor could i see her, i am lucky that we can still listen to each other... but i doubt this too will last...

...
. . .
. . .

She is my first mobile phone, the Nokia 6610. Even then she was an expensive baby, she cost me about RM950 and i have to pay by installment to my mum for it. To make matters worse are all the contacts that i've saved in her... god this is going to be tough... anyone has the data transfer cable for her?? If u do.. please... please let me have a go and try to salvage all i could from her before i leave her to rest...

The Leech's Focal Part II

Ok.. after leaving the open question for a few days i think its time to end it haha... Well good try Emo, but like i say you only got 1.5 of 5 hehehe ...

Ok... drum roll please... . . . . . . . the things that i really bad at is Relationship. Hey don't get me wrong, relationship can be a lot of things so please do allow me to elaborate. I've always good at making friends as i got a mouth that is as poisonious a Malboro (hehe i don't smoke, Malboro is so happen to be a very very poisonious monster in the ever famous Final Fantasy series), a heart as pure as a bunny (OMG~~~ i'm gonna throw up wuakakaka), the brain the size of a pea (or maybe smaller... >.<), and having the level of acceptance towards people and actions as high as the sky (wow that's kind too high don't u think so??). So basically i can mix with virtually anyone(hahaa but i've found my match), provided the person is not disgusted by me which sometimes seems to be the case. But one bad thing about me is that i'm not good in keeping a relationship going, i'm not good at keeping in touch with people.

In my years from high school till today i've made many friends but unlucky for me, most of them has been nothing but those "hi-bye" type. Well i blame myself for not taking the first step in keeping in touch. Yea, i'm those "out-of-sight-out-of-mind" type of friend.

So i'm not kidding when i say i don't have much friends and i usually end up either at home game my day away or slave away at work, JUST to fill in time. I have no other friends except those from "brothers" of mine and colleagues over here and i've spend too much time with my "brothers" that it starts to creeps me out, and as for my colleagues, i've been seeing them 5 days a week so i think they deserve to be with other ppl but the bored, and lifeless me...

Valentine's is around the corner ... just so that none of you will starting calling me a spoil sport, and no, just cause i'm unable to eat the grape it aint sour neither so HAPPY VALENTINE's to those who are celebrating (hahaha i foresee a big meteor coming and going to burn a deep, deep hole in your wallet WUAKAKAKAKAKA... OMG i'm so evil) and to those who's not celebrating... erm... any plans?? Care to share?? I'm currently planning to avoid a cold and lonely weekend here...

Pain of losing something

Have you ever lost something that you really, really want?
How hard does it feel to to lose something like that?

Frankly, i've not lost much things in life that i really do treasure to that extent. But to those that i did lost, it was really painful, so painful that sometimes when i do think back, regardless how long it was ago, it would bring tears to my eyes.

Whenever you think about what had happen previously would you just feel so bad that... well you'll just get grumpy for no particular reason and you would just lose interest in whatever you are doing. Sometimes you would even blame yourself for what happened?

And how about love? What does it feels like to have your heart broken or even lose someone you like? What does it feels like to be unable to get the love of that special someone that you do love? I've personally have zero or little experience on this but i was wondering, does it feels similiar to what i've expressed previously?

Erm ~~~~ ... ...

The Leech's Focal

Before i start, just a mental note Penang Bridge on a bike can be very dangerous... the cars are fast and the wind is heavy... salute those who nid to face it daily. While i was sitting as a passager on the bike on the bridge i manage to make the full use of the 13 odd km to have short "me" time.

Was thinking till this point in life... what have been my accompishment till today? What have i achive so far? How is my goal setting turn out? To be honest, i've lost track of my accomplishments, since somehow they dun seems to be of any significant but i do remember my failures, they are such deep cuts and dark inks in my personal records tat are so hard to forget.

How do you measure one's achievements and accomplishments? And where do i sit in your mind when you read this?
-Am i a par with you?
-Am i higher than you? or
-Am i lower than you?

Just went into two different rounds of Focal in my 18 months of working life in two different working environment and if i were to grade myself as what was done at work, how good am i? Where do i stand?

Proudly to say is that i would grade myself high in term of "official" achievement, I get things done that is my strong points. yea~~~ my school results were never top of the class and i might not be the brightest bulp in the room but at least i'm not labled as a bookworm or a nerd, nor am i labled as a freak or worthless piece of trash; and most importantly to me is that i've earned the respect of most of my peers so.. yea... its a big achievement to me. At least i know i worth something to others .... as a cow, or slave...

But ... ... not all things in life are good and so am i... as good am i grading myself in that area, there are aspect in my life that i truely really do condemn and if any of you know me as you think you do then i would believe you would come to the same conclusion. The area that i sux the most is... ... ... well i'll let u know later :p i nid to catch some Zs now, i think i'm gonna be sick due to lack of sleep. So anyone wanna take a wild guess??

Where is Me?

Dun have much "me time" nowadays, been in work mode since the 4th day of CNY, while most people is still on their holiday i am already slaving away at work... cant help to feel like i've lost sync with myself. Really need to sit down and sync up with the working me, home me, friend me and the me me.

There were some time where i would sit around and let my mind run and be creative even while working just to let off some steam but lately... i think i've locked that creative me somewhere and lost the map to his prison cell.

Thinking back bout a few weeks back when i have my mood swings... ... i think partly could be due to this too. HY was giving me a lecture on the importance of intra-communication and pointing out my lil' emotion problem and again saying that i will be the cause of my breakdown.

Like i say, thinking back... being lonely and being in solitude has really made me change in some way, but to think and to tell people around me that i do not have many friends it seems a rather hard to swallow. How could a guy who is as articulate as this have no friends? I mean i'm not that hard to approach kinda guy rite but... i do have very limited friends and even fewer of those whom i wanna talk to when i'm under the weather. Well what HY say is true, i do need to expand my friendship circle. I need a 3rd party friend, away from work, and away from my usual faces... maybe that way i would feel more comfortable if i want to discuss about my problems. At least that way i know it whatever i said will not arrive to the ears of those un-intended.

Well until i'm able to expand tat circle i guess i would need to work harder on my intra-communications skills.

Stress overload~

Before i proceed to today's event allow me to do something...

$^!($!^!$#^()!*$!_$&!%(!^$)!&*$^!%)^)!%&*@_*$+!+$!&_

.... .... thanks
I've been in stress mode since the moment i step into office at 7 till 5 this evening. I'm so upthight and focus that i hardly notice anything around me ... i was concentratng on the meeting when all the sudden i turn and saw Cat looking at me and i almost yell... i was paying too much attention to what i'm doing that i didn't notice her standing there.

I didn't even set a foot at the lab until lunch, to spend so much time at cube seems like a nice feeling. Its relatively quiet and peaceful, i can concentrate on what i'm doing more easily but the down part is that i cant make any noise so i guess that partly contributed to my mounting stress level...

At 5, after i close all my ARs i let out a big sigh and went for a coffee break.... damn that felt good.... but after all the coffee break its back to work ... How can u work under all that stress? I'm learning... just give me time

2 face of a same picture

Its been few days now, with me being under the weather... emotionally i mean. But the fact is, i think its been like this for almost 2 weeks now but it just went downhil just recently.

Sigh~~ There is no doubt in myself that i'm not really in a mood for anything lately and to make things worse is that i am behaving like nothing happened, i'm still the same ol' me to everyone. Just that how succesful i've been on this is a little controversial.

I'm hiding myself behind another me who is incapable of feelings and emotions just that i don't look "different" in front of everyone... well on the other hand, i might look like a zombie that way.

How long will this prolong? How much longer do i need to be like this?

I feel like screaming my lungs out

I feel like i wanna cry inside

I feel like there is a torn somewhere in my body and i can't take it out

I just dun feel like me...

Why is that all the suddenly being lonely sounds so scary to me now? All this while i've care less abuot it but recently even the thought of having dinner alone seems so scary to me now.

Tomorrow is another day .... now where have i put that damn mask of mine... ... ... ...

A puro dolor

Its kinda ironic sometimes... well lately its not sometimes but kinda a lot of times... been feeling wierd... sigh, hate this feeling.

Well today i really wanted to stay late at work, but not because i want to work but just want to find someone to accompany me ... accompany for the nigh, accompany me for dinner. I've been spending so much time at work that somehow i feel kinda lost when i leave for home. I felt detached from the world and my colleagues has somehow become the next to family to me, i spend more time with them than my own housemates, and i even begin to compare them to my family members who i see so seldom. And when everyone leave today it felt like a void in me. All the sudden i felt so lost... so alone... so ...
brrrr... hate this feeling,
...i hate it,
... i hate it...

Was a little lost when looking for a place to eat. Felt that anywhere is the same but i can't decide on a place wanted to go to A but in the end went to B and somehow i felt that deep down in me was hoping i would see a familiar face and accompany me for dinner. Am i thinking too much? Am i feeling too much? Am i sick???

...
... ... A puro dolor is all i feel tonite...

Troubled trouble

Took a detour from work to home today (yes, its a sunday and i've been working)... took a longer route and elongated my journey for an additional 10 odd minutes. Instead of taking the smooth straight path i took a turn and used the mountainous route and drove a little more aggresive than usual (well at least during the begining). Did all this just to delay my journey home because my car is my only sanctuary if u wish, its the only private place i have... not my room, not my cubical...

Been feeling troubled lately, very troubled ... but i cant tell what is causing it. Just felt something on my mind tossing and twisting in there like there is no end to it... really feel like talking to someone about it, i really do but ... ... ... there is nobody on my phone book whom i can call to and i want to call to... just nobody... ... wanted to find the guys and have a chat about it but somehow there is just an invisible wall around me hindering me from talking or maybe just because they too are among the factors of my trouble so i don't want to add more to my headache now... Anyway like i say, i just don't know... just don't know what is wrong with me.

Has all this bottled up feelings and emotions has finally caught up to me? Is not the first time that i have my emo bottled filled up to the top so what makes it different this time that caused me to be so troubled? I just don't understand, maybe i'm getting old...

Been working quite late this week, often spending up to 15 hours a day at work and most of the time with me being the last person in the lab to leave. And i've been thinking... ...

What am i doing here at this time of night? Is this really nessacary ? Do i really need to work my ass off here like this? Do I?? Must I ??

But regardless of what i think that moment in time, i end up repeating the same feat i did today, tomorrow, and the day after... slaving my hours away in the lab ... working... and working ... and working ...

I really need to talk... and i do mean talk... need to take this load of my chest so i can breath better and again... who can i talk to? Who indeed... ...

Wat is the Leech?

To the world, the leech is nothing but a small, icky, dark and disgusting little creature who sucks blood... and basically i'm all that... well not all but mostly... like i say i am nothing but a small potato in a big watermelon farm... who would notice? So throughout my years i've develop a paradigm of myself for myself; and that paradigm is nothing less than

What that i not think about will never happen

And basically tat is how i've lived all this time and most ironicly its due to this paradigm i've survive, achieved and miss a lot of things in life.

I've outlasted most of my 2ndary skool friends in a training camp

I've earn respect from my peers from my early skool till my working days

I've achieved my short term goals

I've miss out on a possible romance

I've lost quite a few of my friends

I've fallen into a deep and dark hole only to fall again deeper into it

And a whole lot more that i cant even begin to recall ... and have i ever felt regret with this paradigm - yes ... but do i really regret - most definately no, i am who i am because of what i did. I've lived by it and i'll grow by it

But the question now is... ... should i remain as the leech i am today or evolve into a better leech of tommorrow?

Stupid evening

I did something most office dwellers will NEVER thought of doing... I actually spend about 40 mins of my evening in my own cubical... reading Dilbert comics.

Well this doesn't sound odd... the odd part is that i was doing it at 8++ pm after my dinner. I could have gone home and do something else (like my laundry :p) but instead i spend 40 mins of my time doing nothing... haha... Dilbert a comic that all office dwellers SHOULD NOT read. The humour is good but the moral is bad for work :p

D***.... this goes against my 09 Resolutions... spend less time in the office wuakakaka... ooppsie~~~~

A brand new chapter

Page 1 in this new chapter... another 364 pages away to the next chapter... and what should i make the most in this new chapter ??? And how did i spend my new year eve?? Haha... i spend it in the lab wuakakakakaka... Yup in the lab at work but dun worry i'm not that crazy yet... althought i counted down in the lab it doesnt mean that i was really working... we got together and chit chat our way till the new year, we chit chat from 9+ till 2am before moving on the the mamak for round 2 where we continue till 3 hahahaa...

Anyone willing to share their new year resolution with me?? I need a sense of direction this year... nid something to aim and focus on, at work and at play... i need a life, a life outside of work... lets see... what may i list down here... i remember i listed down something last year and i believe i have only manage to fulfill a very small and tiny part... ... ... or not.

erm... ... i think i need a more specific goal, a more measurable goal, not those that cant be measured haha... i think i've only made those kinda goals all this time hahahaa.... ok... lets get down to business...

To-do list of 2009
1) Get a life
2) Spend less time at lab and home, go out more
3) Expand friendship circle, get to know other ppl outside of my usual routine
4) Dun put on weight, stay healthy
5) Check blog spelling b4 posting hahaha... notice a lot of typo in my past posts.
6) Erm.... have some lady luck?? =p

Hahaa... cant think of any other stuff for now but i guess this kinda doable haha... but item 1 to 3 kinda cab b lump into one item instead hahaha

Happy new year~~~ Have a wonderful year ahead of u wuakakkakakkakaa

Christmas Learning

This year's Christmas i've learn something which is kinda odd since Christmas is usually a season of giving and receiving but i guess we can learn stuff whenever and wherever... And this year i learn another lesson on friendship.

This is my first Christmas away from home ... well not exactly away from home, but not exactly at home either. Anyway its something new to me... And the feeling to all this... erm... well, i was never a holiday kinda person so it has never occur to me that there was a holiday feeling, i mean other than being lazy. Never actually looked forward for a holiday coz to me all the days in a calender is the same.... but this year there was something different in my life... i start to miss stuff.. hehee.

Well I was in KL and i've spend everynite at home dispite the urge of leaving the house and go somewhere to do something but wasn't able since wasn't able to find anyone to entertain this leech. Until JS called and ask me to arrange a meeting / gathering with those in KL... Well as difficult as it was (at least to me... i seldom do this hahah) i called a few guys and send some sms-es and the response?? Well not bad... Hoong, Wah, and Walter showed up and we have a nice chat and it felt good.

Chat bout each other's working life and the on-goings and gossip on the in and around the uni buddies. Few got wed and some changed job... well its just nice to catch up on each other even though we dun met each other as often as we used to ...

Nway.... the lesson i learn this Christmas is that I do have friends... i'm not the lonely shadow that i think i was ... i've always thought i was the out of sight out of mind kinda character in most people's mind hahaa... thx guys for making me thinking otherwise =)

The closing chapters of '08

Today is Christmas Eve... the so called "Ping An Ye" which, in direct translation, safety night ... hahhaa... dun even ask, i have bad chinese :p

Its the holiday's eve and i'm at home playing game, cant help it but to think its kinda pathetic but its ok... i wanna have a good nite of rest tonight. Will driving back to Kay Ell tmr hehehee

...

... ...

... ... ...

Well as the title suggest, i'm at the very closing few pages of 2008 amd it cant be help but to have a recap of all that has happened to me this year.

erm... er.... ar....

Cant really recall what are the significant stuff that had happen in my life this year... maybe the biggest thing that has happen is me resigning from S*** and move on to INTergrated ELectronics. Away from it all... away from my family and my frens in Kay Ell... well it aint that bad actually. The most memoriable things is the fact that people ask me why do i wanna leave KL? I would basically answer ...

"...Well been trying to get a girlfriend in KL but unable to get one even after searching for 20 odd years so wanna expand my search to outside of KL ..."

Its such a clasic answer for such an classic question but seriously, i left KL is basically i'm searching for something more... something more challaging that my previous job. I remember asking myself this question, will you give up something you know you want for something you think you might want?

Did have the feeling that I would have a better lifestyle if i were in Penang since my closest uni mates are there but i guess i was wrong. I cant help but to feel that i have move of a life in KL than in PG, at least i would go around looking for friends for a movie or for dinner etc but over here... ... i've turn into the so called real me... the workaholic that i am hahah ...

Come to think of it, i do miss my live in KL, miss my 'ol colleagues there SMing, and Lee as we are partners in most of the crimes in DTS. But coming here has open up my options... although its more stressful here but it seems to be to my liking at least till this point.

So here i wanna add a note to myself... Get a life in 2009, dun stay in lab too long... get a gf wuakakaka ... i guess this is wat's been going on around with my colleagues, been boombarded by them throughout Dec... sigh~

Two types of people?

Just came across this mind boggling question ... again... erm... not really again but its just one of those question that would pop up out of nowhere and it's just like nobody wanna answer... Anyway... .... ...

Was having a casual conversation with a colleague when this was brought up...

"...There are two type of people... one who is more suitable just as your boy/girlfriend and the other is those who is more suitable to be your husband/wife..."

I believe most of us has come by this question at some point of your life either being popped up during ur casual conversation or during some heart to heart talk with ur closest buddies but have u ever stop and wonder where U belong in this equation? I mean most of the time we will be discussing about the "other" person instead of urself personally.

Have we've (or in this case, me...) ignore this question or we just don't want to talk about it... ehrm... in any case, this did got me thinking... which group do i belong to?? The just-the-boyfriend type or the my-future-husband type? How bout u?? Where do u belong to? Care to share?

Un-orthodox weekend

Today is a saturday...
I didn't spend my weekend in the lab... ... (which is kinda odd haha...)
And to add to that suprise, i didn't spend my entire day playing game either... well few rounds but its not one of those glued-to-the-seat-hardcore-gaming type...
So what did i do the whole day???? Erm... ... ...

Well initially i thought i was to become a driver to go to the mainland to someone but wat do u know, instead of heading to the bridge, i was asked to send to the jetty instead which indirectly did kinda upset my timetable. Since i would have assumed that i'll b in BM the whole day so i didn't plan to go to work. BUT~~~ After dropping them off i got bored and i just went home instead.

Well if some of u are tryign to figure out what i did the whole day, just an FYI... no i didn't sleep a wink at all and i did spend the whole afternoon in front of the PC...

What i do???

Erm...

..

I was editing photos... Yupz... I've been in trigger happy mode recently especially when i brought my lil S3 IS here... and its not JUST about the camera, sometimes, some photo editing is required to bring out the best in the shots... so i hope i manage to do some magic hehee...

Allow me to share some of my work ...


This goes to the top of my best edits so far... hehhe...


I guess this brings it together hehee...

Well for my other works... check my bloggie some other time and maybe i'll just add them in :p
Well gtg... time to hit the sack... nid to go to work tmr~

All 4 One

All 4 One is one of the boy band that their song have an ever lasting imprint in me... can't really remember when was the first time that i started listening to their song but to me their songs are still one of the best songs on my personal top charts...

Been looking for the song "I'm sorry" for a very long time and yet i've not a slightest clue on where i can get it on the world wide web. I manage to relive the moment over youtube and quench my thirst, when i manage to find the song and i just continue clicking on the next song, "These Arms" and the next, "So In Love" ... haha.. such nostalgic feelings hahaha... come to think of it, whenever we use the word nostalgic or "it brings back memories" or any similiar terms it means that we have moved on a next stage of life because those are the words of those who rememebers something that they have long forget...

I do hope there are some 80's babies around here who share and understand this same thing that i'm feling now hahaa... I belive there are some songs yester-years that has come into your life and left an everlasting imprint that would leave a smile on your face whenever u listen to them again...

Call me a hopeless nostalgic, i dun care... =p

P.S: Oopsie... All 4 One begin their singing career in 94... which make me Std5??? Did i started on english song that early in life?? Erm... i can't feel that it came so much later....

Hapi moments~~

Its the year end... and there are a lot of ppl that i know are tying they knots with their special someone ... a lovely scene that i guess all of us would enjoy seeing and experincing (except for the big, big hole in your wallet =P)

I had a uni mate who walked the aisle last month and now two of my closest colleagues are tying their knots too... well technically one is going thru the first ring and there other is stepping into the 3rd stage of marriage hehe... if any of them are reading this i think i might appear in the first page of the next morning's paper hahahaa.... but seriously there are nothing more beautiful than seeing your friends finding their life long partners and move on to the next stage of their relationship... its just a nice warm and fuzzy feeling ...

Anyway... like all things in life, not all things are "that" beautiful wuakakaka... due to all this love that is floating in the air i've been brutally "assulted" and "attacked" by friends around me, namely my colleagues
>.<
Since most, if not all, of my closest colleagues have found their special missing piece of their heart that completes' them but that doesn't mean that they have to pick on me right? Sigh~~~ Just because i'm still S.A.D, which stands for Single, Available and Desperate (hehe i thought of this myself =p) but that mean that i'm really desperate. Lately i've been bombarded by them on this topic which left me speechless. Hey not fair... if's its a 1 : 1 battle i believe i'm capable of defending myself but this is more of a gang up.. NOT FAIR~~~~~~~~~~~

To my friends who are reading... i'm still in admist of searching for that missing piece but hey its not a walk down the park u know... firstly, i spend more time in the lab that outside and second... i don't really have that many girl friends who are still available... since most are already taken haha...~~ Lonely~~ I'm Mr. Lonely~~ I have nobody to call my own~~~~ Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely~~~ wuakakakaka

Happennings

Wow... its been almost 1 month since i last login and brag about something that happen to me... I wonder am i that busy?? Dunno... i guess i just lazy hahaa...

Lets see...

Well basically November has been a roller coster ride for me, couple of goods, couple of bads, couple of in-betweens ... i guess tat's life.

Lets see... shall i begin with the happy moments?? i guess so...

Had a great time in the EV teambuilding in Sg Sedim, Kulim. I cant remember when was the last time i actually played in a river... if memory serves me right it should be during my dip days when i was the organizing committee of the SOT Engineering camp in 2004. Boy it felt good. Cant actually recall how cold a river could actually be hahaa.. Well let's KIV this thought, hopefully i would start a back-date blog and share my feelings about the teambuilding hehe...

The second good thing that happen to me was the fact i went from a 29 to a 3 hahaa... well dun ask me about the numbers its just a meaningless numeric that has no meaning to anyone but me...

Now tbe bad... i guess the only bad thing is work related... PNV... i have to take care of it all by myself. Cat been asked to help with DDR and Dyna is stuck with the stupid goat. To make it even worse she's leaving... Well no point of me asking her to stay, i've been thru those days too... wat is more important that you own future.

Guess i'm out of juice.... cant think of any more things to write... having a writter's block at the moment. maybe its due to me being too tired... i guess i'll retire for the nite now. Nid to start fresh tmr... Monday blues again~~~

TomaPotato

Well to some if not all, a small potato would usually mean that you are a insignificant somebody to someone and that is basically what one would feel when they first join an organization. Yes, indirectly i'm talking about me... i'm just a small potato in an large organization and hell nobody knows who i am and basically nobody even borther unless something starts popping up or when there is an issue.

Anyway this is not my point... my point is that i've further improve this analogy of a small potato to a higher state... a statement that would significantly show how small or how worthless you are and this basically came just before breakfast. So whenever you wanna emphasize how small you are then say this

I'm a small potato in a watermelon farm

I doubt there is any more analogy that could better illustrate how small this could be... so enjoy heheheehe ... oh by the way, i'm that small potato hehehe :)

Appreciation

Have you ever heard of the expression of "Overworked and underpaid" ?? Well basically i dun quite mind about the overworked part and i'm not underpaid either... but i what i do really mind is the appreciation part of the job... ... ... Well this post has really got me started thinking, since when i start to care about appreciation and recognition? Am i in dilemma in this? I really don't know but i guess this is a side-effect of working in a company such as this where appreciation and recognition is a part of ur life in the company. No recognition = no contribution = u r nothing ... a hard to swallow fact but i guess when in Rome do what the Roman do.

Anyway i really REALLY do care about is the appreciation from my "customer". I've We've been working our @4$ off for the past two and half months and in the end all i got was a notification saying i'm not good enuf to handle this project. What can i say to this? What more CAN i say? Well i decided to let them know about our hardship and seriously let them know that we are not as "comfortable" as they presume we are.

Did i do the right thing? Does saying what i said make a difference? What am i trying to achieve by saying what i said? Maybe i'm just seeking for some form of recognition from everyone or maybe i'm just trying voice out something for the benefit for everyone on the team. Am i being selfish or am i being protective of my teammates? Am i trying to protect myself or am i trying to protect everyone on the team? A part of me is psyco-ing myself saying that i'm protecting my team but a part of me is telling myself i'm being selfish. So who am i? Selfish or protective?

Bottom line... protective or selfish, i did something that have brought some good around here. At least now those "above" me knows what the hell is going on around here. Two more weeks, just two more weeks and its the end... ... and its the beginind of another cycle of endless work and countless hours... hahaha... welcome to the working world, welcome to my world, the world of the Iron Bangla(s)~~

Weird feeling~

Today is a saturday... oops... its now 2am :p

I'm in the lab for about 11hrs today and it seems more than that...I guess i'm starting to feel the "slaving-my-life-away" now... sigh~~

Was supppose to hv lunch with a colleague but at last min i was asked to go to the "airport" and watch the airplane "fly" sigh... Had my breakfast at around 3++ and it was back to work.

At around 11+ it was raining quite heavily and i was really hungry as i've not taken my dinner... I was initially going to have find my fren for dinner but due the the rain it got canceled and just that short journey from the office to my car i felt something i've not felt in a very, very long time. I felt lonely... it was raining and it was cold... i was hungry and my friend just canceled our appointment... damn... that's weird.

As soon as i left the company i decided to try it for one last time as the rain has died down...

Leech: Hey really dun wan ar??
Y: Er... okay lar, u come lar ...
Leech: (Yippie) OK... i'm coming.

From this i learned 1 thing. We must have shear determination to make things happen. If i din make that call then it would have been a lonely night...

Tagged?? hahaa

Thought this was kinda fun after reading from the Boar's bloggie

On The Outside
Name: CH / Leech / Chee Hoo / L ... there are more names but i think i'll stop here
Birth Date: 02/03
Current status: tired, n confused.. (i should b sleeping now haha)
Eye Colour: black~
Hair Colour: black also~
Righty or Lefty: Righty

On The Inside
Your Heritage: Chinese
Your Fears: myself??? Kenot live up to my promises
Your Weakness: Always living up to other's expectition
Your Perfect Pizza: U mean to be eaten???

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your Thoughts First Waking Up: Huh... so fast?? i just sleep wor
Your Bedtime: around 12 /1 /2 /3 am
Your Most Missed Memory: my uni life ^^

Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: burger king
Single or Group Dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: For free??? Both
Tea or Nestea: tea~
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: coffee ... i'm a coffee addict, sometimes

Do You...
Smoke: nup
Curse: Every single day~~~
Take a shower: Is this a trick question??
Have a crush: yes~
Think you've been in love: Been?? guess so
Go to school: Well i nid to graduate from sumwhere, do i??~
Want to get married: Duh...
Believe in yourself: Definately
Think you're a health freak: Hahaha... if i were i wouldn't been working 7 days a week

In The Past Month
Drank alcohol: Does wine count??
Gone to the mall: yup, almost everyweek too
Been on stage: Does being put up there count?? Oh... wait, tat's more of an altar or table....
Eaten sushi: yup
Dyed your hair: ... .... ... nvr~

Have You Ever...
Played A Stripping Game: Almost hahahaaa
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: Dun think so

Age You're Hoping...
To Be Married: Before 30 (hahaha this seems like a stretch goal)
For Your First Born: also before 30 (even harder to achieve :p)

In a Girl/Guy...
Best Eye Colour: doesn't matter~
Best Hair Colour: i like, she like can lor
Short Hair or Long Hair: as long as it's look nice^^

What Were You Doing
1 Min Ago: Thinking on how to fill this up hahaha
1 Hour Ago: Working
4.5 Hours Ago: also working n also meeting
1 Month Ago: most definately is working
1 Year Ago: Sure is working lar~ oso helping a "rubbish" do FYP & enjoying MIFC in Putrajaya

Finish The Sentence
I Love: The letter after 'T'
I Feel: like crap
I Hate: loose ends and unfinished work
I Hide: My feelings
I Miss: my friends~especially with those had the great moment together~
I Need: rest, n lots of luv :p

Short KL trip visit holiday drive through

Well i was thinking of having a nice weekend back in kl last week but it all went down the drain due to 1 very holy phonecall and i'm still bragging till now *$#!%!$&!$!%$!)&$!*% It went something like this... it was friday and i was having a good time with my frens.

Liz actually called me to join them for a small gathering among themselves and i agreed. On my way to find SC there was a barking and meow-ing going on outside i.e. it was raining dogs and cats out there. So some parts of the roads where i used were actually flooded and it really scared the crap out of me... wat if the water got in my car or brakes... will my precious Goldielocks get stranded there?? OMG~~~~

Anyway i got there soon enough and i located SC and i do say, she looked different. I guess the cloths does makes a person. She looked more matured now while me... hahaha.... i'm still the same riffraff i was before i graduated, the bottom dweller that nobody look upon... hahahaa.. worthloss piece of scum MUAHAHAHAHA.... anyway later we went to the restaurant and begin to wait for the others to arrrive. Andboy were they late, we waited for almost an hour. Well it was raining and its a friday night... so it equates down to MASSIVE TRAFFIC so its understood.

After dinner (well the place have nice food but bad service... so i dun even bother to remember the name) I can't belive there is actually a shop that will some sort of rushing the customer implying to them that they should pay and leave... it sux....





Nice food... but.... ... ...

service :p

Well like i was saying, after dinner we went to a different place to continue our catching up. We went to this place called Exotic. Well it look some sort like a normal place to hang out. But i do say i quite like the atmosphere. Its cooling and its not noisy.. really like it. As for the drinks... ooo.. before i finally saw the legendary drink that bro told me about, the drink that is worthy of its name... The Graveyard, i finally understand its called the name that its called. Its a combination of 7 type of liquor [rum vodka, tequila, whiskey, stout and scotch] and i do say its all hard liquor. By just looking at the combination i dun think i'll drink it but hey while looking for the ingredients i found that those who have drinked it is saying is not as strong as one would believe... i wonder.... should i??? hahahaha.. if i'm not driving :p

Some drinks we ordered... the color is nice but the taste... (except for the one on the right, that's good)

Anyway it was while having a drink with them i got a call from Cat... the call that i am not hopping would get... she told me that xH is looking for my phone number... and she warn me about him calling.... ..... ... 10 mins later, i got a call from xH.

xH: CH are u free on sat ?
CH: No, i got things to do in the morning till evening due to family function
xH: Oh... Are u free on sun then?
CH: I guess so... ... ...
xH: Could u come back to help ?
CH: (a short silence) er.... ok...

Hey wat do u expect me to say? I too is the owner so i guess i owe it that much to Cat to come back to help, i've been away for quite awhile now due to training i guess i just have to sacrifice this time, but wat that made me tick was why does he have to call me while its still my day off?? Hello~~~ i took a day leave on friday?? And he's calling me on friday while i'm in KL asking me to go back to work on sun in Pg... ... WTF~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!

Well basically that almost ruin my evening... sigh~~~ And tat basically is the end of my KL visit... a phone call ... a phone call that spoiled my mood. I was almost planning my journey back to Penang after that phone call, and almost ignoring my friends... sigh~ ... ... ...

My driving

Well this is certainly an improvement ... my driving i mean. Last week i drove back to KL for a family event... i started my journey at 4.50 and i arrived in KL at 9.50 and this is calculated from the time i left Krystal Suit + 45 mins Ipoh town detour... From what i heard its usually a 3 an half journey from Penang to KL calculated from toll to toll i guess i've break my own record now. My average time is usually around 4+ hrs now i've done in less than 4 haha...

It took me only 3 hours (toll to toll) from KL to Pg island this time... hahahaaa..... i nid to control myself... i dun wan to get a ticket ~~~~

Muscle twitching

Twitch here... twitch there...
That is what's been happening to me whole day... i woke up with my left shoulder twitching and that is just the first of my twitching day...
During training class my shoulder just can't stop twitching and it went on to my right arm follow by the left...
Wat the hell~~ The feeling just ... well irratating... the time now is 1.04am... and yes its still twitching... arrrrhhhh hopefully it'll be gone when i wake up "later" ...

Just another rubbish day

It seems to me that i've lost the umph to "put-my-back-into-it" today... maybe is due to the fact that i was working last week end or maybe its due to the fact that virtually everyone is on a holiday mood... i dunno.... haha.

I told myself that i need to finish at least 2 test today but instead... ... ... well i completed 0.75 of the 2 test hahaa... one was the resuming from yesterday and today... hehe.... lazy lazy me :p I need to really put effort tmr else i'm not going to get anything done.

I just heard that there are enemies under the blanket and there is a helping hand from above... @.@ 1 with me and another against??? I wonder... hahaa, dun u just love politics :p
... so i nid to get 2 things done here...
... ... 1st... make sure that the enemy has nothing on me;
and 2nd, dun let the hand down. I've always remind myself, if there is someone that is willing to stand behind u and back u all the way then the least u can do is to return the favour right?

Hey wat that dun kills u only makes u stronger... and we all need an enemy some point in life dun we?? Friends are there to make u a slacker but enemies... they do hell lot more. Friends dun force u to improve, that's the enemies' job. So next time remember... dun just make friends, make some enemies along the way, u might not like the company but u'll love the competition :p
Another 2cents from the Leech's mouth wuakakakaka....

Nid to WORK WORK WORK~~~~!!!!
PUSH PROGRESS !!!!! IKIMAS!!!

5.5 on the Richter scale

Been having a jack hammer in my head the whole day, and every sound seems like another nail in the coffin... having a ball of a day today....

Today is the 3rd day that i'm unable to deliver any results to my "favourite" coordinator... reason, i cant vary the voltage... this is not one of my better days. By hook or by crook i really need to give him some "happy" news else it'll be our neck from breakfast, lunch and dinner again. Why izzit that things just go smoothly and let me have a good day at office... just why??!!!

When stress and frustration mix together, they just create te best of emotions; begin to have sleepless nights and going to work just feels like clocking to hell and ur boss... wel somehow u'll just feel like he's holding a fork in his hand and wanna satay u on the fire... I'm already having trouble to keeping my smile to my colleagues and even begin scaring them with my cold looks.

Haha.... i guess that's much i'm able to squeeze from this brain of mine tonite... nid to catch up on some alphabets especially Zs ... #yawn# oh.. my head...

Over overtime

To those who just started working, they would have thought that over time is good. Since overtime means more money so more overtime == even more money. But somehow most of them forget 1 very important factor that make up overtime... time itself.

Working overtime is to work pass working hours which means additional time, YOUR personal time. While it pays but it degrades morales and really wears you out. I've been working virtually everyday for the past month and i can feel that my soul is slowly slipping away. My best guess would be that the overtime i get will just be enough to cover for my medical... I've only fill in my claim for 2weeks and it's already reach my limit of 60hrs. I wonder what would happen if i didn't have went for my vacation... i might will clock 100hrs here...

Since i started overtime, i've been seeing less of my friends and it really feels like your in isolation. Then you'll feel like ur social life is slowly degrading till a point you'll wonder what happen to your friends.

Overtime = 0 social time + 0 personal time + 0 of what ever you plan to do after work. IS this life?? Hey even for a lifeless workaholic such as i, i'm calling for a stop... i'm physically, mentally and spiritually spend... i nid to recharge... i nid to balance my life back, hopefully it could be done my next week.

Damn... its geting vry late... nid my sleep so i can go back to my battlefield a little more refreshed...

Long awaited trip~~

I've been working my pants off throughout August so that i can go for my holiday... since end of july i've been working round the clock through the month to push my progress so that i can have a vacation and in the end... ... alas~ my vacation is here.... but to be honest, down the the last moment before i left Penang i was swearing and cursing myself for taking this vacation. I really need to learn to let go. Anyway lets get back to the real deal... My Bangkok trip

It was 430 in the morning and everyone need to wake up and get ready to go to the airport. Everyone is still in their blur mode getting ready. And the night before? I was told i slept like a log and snoore a lot... hey i was tired... cant blame me :p

At LCCT... .... in McDonalds for breakfast

My breakfast... kopi-o and bread... and... ...

Yupz... all boils down to this... a damn tired mind, body and soul. Me over breakfast b4 my morning coffee

After breakfast it was around of waiting game. Luckily it wasn't a solo trip else i might bore myself to death before i aboard the plane. Well the flight was on 0830.

All onboard who's going aboard

Sim city in the real world

Inflight view of the world

At 0920, local time, we have arrived... Bangkok International Suvarnabhumi Airport (BKK)

Cont next time ....
:)

She's back

Yupz... She's back~~
The one and only is back
Save the cheerleader and save the world hahaha

MeiGie is back... the sweet girl who's giggle will make u feel fuzzy is back to company I. And i did a idiotic thing; I crack a "Do I know you?" joke where to be honest it DID took me awhile before i can make in my mind that its her. If she's reading this then i'll be tomorrow's breakfast hahaa...

Well she's pretty much the same other than she looks ... erm... more "hang fok" but she'll still the nice girl whom i remembered ... i hope :p

Rubbish day

Hahaha... yup i've rubbish a whole day... Slept at 3 am and woke up at 1145 and then i'm glued to my seat in front of my pc and what i did whole day???

.

..

...

....

.....

......

.....

....

...

..

.

YES~~!! Bingo!! To those who know me, they would have guessed it right... i've been gaming the whole day~~ Only taking a few biscuits for my brunch hahaha.... And on today's gaming menu... Starcraft : Broodwar hahahaha.... Cant remember when was the last time i actually played but it was fun... had a LAN party and was gaming my afternoon away. And for dessert, i played a few mission on C&C3: Kane's Wraith hahaa...

My most rubbish day in almost 2 months... and tomorrow... ... ... well its back to the battlefield~~ but i guess its ok... i had my fun :p

Watashiwa Super Supporter~

Well this was something i wanted to write awhile back but seems to keep sliping my mind so i'm taking the courtasy of writing it now before it slip into some crack within my scramble brain again.

Super supporter ... a term that doesnt mean much to most but it suits me almost too perfectly. A funny word to be used but that's me. To me being a super supporter, it meant that i was there whenever i was needed. The reason for this post was basically of what SMing said during our last gathering with Lee and Jay. She triggered this thought when she said that my presence felt most after i resigned, i will always be around to help, regardless in advice or in manpower; which ironically leads me to remember what the ladies once said too coz its a similiar thing.


I guess i've always played the role of the supporter. Backing up those who needed me, just like those who would backed me up when i needed them. I understand the need of having some1 to support you in whatever u do or decided and i also know the feeling of going through s***y days without support. Its not easy to be a solo-ist so i always try my best to be there whenever i'm needed. So whenever u nid a ear or a sponge to soak up all your unhappy thoughts, whenever u nid some cheering up, whenever u got a task that u can't handle on you own... i'm there to lend a hand. But being the supporter that i am,


i wonder do i have a super supporter for myself.

Work, life effectiveness

WLE... something that my company really promotes and encourages but ... well till now i've yet to find that "life" part in the equation and it really bugs me...

Which part of the WLE do i have besides work? I'm currently spending >12 hrs at office and i do hope its just temporary, but i think its kinda hard. I guess this is something i carried from my previous employment... sigh~ of all the things i brought this paradigm with me.

I wan a life~~~~!!!

I've been working 7 days a week for almost 3 weeks now, and its a scary thought and even scarier when u are actually doin it. This really reminds me of the clip from South Park... "How do u kill something that have no life" I really nid to get a life... maybe get a new hobby, maybe i nid more friens, maybe i nid a girlfriend, maybe i nid to start thinking straight... a lot of maybes but not many answer haha.. life sux.

Its a scary thought that in 10 years time u look back and wondered what have u done outside the office and nothing came up... a BIG nothing.. it give me the chills just thinking of this thought. Nid a change.... nid a serious change... nid to start looking for something outside of the office. May there be light on the other side of my life... damn this is gloomy hahaa.

Buhbye cash~

Wuakakaka... did some serious spending today. The last time i did such serious spending was when i bought my lil baby, my Canon S3 IS which cost me a fortune. Today i almost repeat broke that feat, i spent almost 1.9k. Yup... 1.9k, damn that hurts, it burned hell of a hole in my wallet and bank account. But its for something that i wan and need i guess so... so... so... hell that's still a lot of cash.

A camera for mum and dad; a monitor, mouse and headphone for myself... what do you guys think? Is that a lot? I came to Penang with my rig WITHOUT any peripherals. I have to resort to my friends to have a working PC. I guess this is a part of my spending that i can't run away from. Anyway there goes my savings.. And i just remembered that i got another sum that i nid to pay out soon... wuakakakaakakaka.... i'm broke~~~~

In short... tis is wat i've got ... well generally, since i arrived...

D dark black day

Damn damn damn... that is generally what i wish to convey. Its just not my day )!$Y!)$!

Drove to PISA for the PC fair and after the fair... my car got attacked... yup attacked~
My car was covered with bombardment from the sky... RUN~~~!!! TAKE COVER!!!! Its the evening and the birds are making their way back to their nest and just my luck... my car is just under one of their stop.... DAMN!!! WTF!!!

Later while having dinner with Bert. My curry mee slip from in between my fingers and ... ... splash~ my pants is covered with curry soup. Luckily i was able to take gobble down a portion of the soup else... but come to think of it, luckily its not hot else ... but anyway its just not my day... Hope there won't b a next time else, i really need to do some serious prayers.

Stupid thought

Haha... was watching the Olimpic opening ceremony yesterday and seriously... it was great, it is magnificant how coordinated they are. 2008 people in a show, doing their performance but when viewed from an arial view... damn they are perfectly aligned... not a step more, not a step less... all aligned... it almost remind me of the rubber trees in a rubber plantation, all are spaced 1m apart and regardless which angle u look at it, its still perfectly aligned... magnificant~!
Too bad the things start to get boring when the countries starts to come in... hehehe... i dun like waiting :p. To make it more interesting, the countries came in not alphabetically, well at least not following the greek alphabet but following the chinese notation. U have totally no idea what country will come in next unless you are vry vry good in your chinese. So for me... i'm totally blurred, dunno wat the hell is going on hahahaha... But while watching that part of the show... i got a funny thought hahaa... there were bunch of girls dancing something like welcoming the athletes, the uniform they wore really reminds me of a dress my friend wore :p. It remind me of one of Camy's pictures hahaha... just that her's have soem green on the sides while theirs was all white hahaha... damn, its been long since i seen them...

Anyway now for some bad comments about the opening ceremony. Just one thing that kinda spoiled the ceremony, the lighting on of the torch, The Olympic flames, the guy was hung in mida air and was running to the torch but the background was moving at a slower rate making it not in sync... sigh~ spoiled by something so simple.. anyway to me it would be better if they change the scroll thingy to like a dragon flying through the stadium heading to it cauldron or if they change the last bit where the guy lit the flame to some sort of a dragon design that would be nice, coz the liting of flame part looks kinda plain...

Blogging

I've been blogging quite heavily lately... maybe is coz i've cut down on my gaming time. I dun Cabal as much as i used to, in fact i'm kinda lazy to play it sometimes. But the reason of my steady blogging is basically due to my work. I begin to bring work back to do at home now, basically is just documentations stuff since i dun have much time to do documentations at work. Sigh~~

Had a look at my 2cents piggy bank awhile ago and had a message for me by MG, her words may be simple but i guess it makes sense... maybe i should slow down a little now... i mean no use worrying abuot a project that i have no control. I'll just do my best and give everything i have to finish it. I might need to push harder too if i wish to go off on my little holiday~

Gentleman... start your engine~~~~!!!!

Stress...

Sigh~ I think i'm back to that stage in life again... The part of life where i start to stress myself on work. I had this once back in Sony too, i guess this is a common thing in my life. I tend to worry too much about petty stuff and create unnessacary stress to myself. I'm begining to have sleepless nights and i grow more and more tired by the day.

Stress abuot work, stress abuot my life, stress about my finance... I guess its kinda normal for me to be stress about all these stuff since i do worry about my future, well that's is life... I worry abuot progress in the office, i worry abuot my love life (since i now have none), i worry about too many petty stuff... well, just another stage in life~~~ haha...

Secret? What secret?

Have u ever stop and wonder that does it mean by private and confidential? Or has u ever question the defination of the word secret ? Today i stop and ask myself that question, what is P&C and what is a secret? Does different people have different defination for those words? I mean we study the same English language as everyone else so how can there be a difference in defination for the same word? Sigh~

I have people asking why don't i ever share my problems, thoughts and feelings with them; and i have people who urge me to tell them my deepest thoughts. And i wonder why indeed? Why don't i ever share them with any of my friends? Hmmmm.... There is only 1 answer... I dun trust people, even for friends, i only have that amount of trust in them with my secrets. I have no trouble with other stuff but not my inner thoughts... I just don't. And somehow i got some justification to further enhance this thought. Yes keeping everything to myself is hard but comparing to risk of having others to know about it too... I rather sufficate myself with these thoughts. I too longed for someone to share it with, but alas... .... there is only me for now...

I once told some of my friends about something they really wanted to know and EVERYONE promised that whatever we said will not leave this place but alas... ... not long after we left that place then... ... few of the closer members of the gang seems to got the news and it seems to grew to even more people. If those words aren't suppose to leave the place then y izzit that people that are not present there knew about those things? And when i brought this up, the reply was it was because they are the closer bunch and it is a good thing. Which brought me back to my initial question, is there a difference in meaning for the same words? How come after using the English / Chinese language for 20 odd years i didn't know that the defination of a particular word could change so much in just a twist of situation? I felt so double crossed, being sold out by my friends who promise me one thing but in the end did another. And YES, to those who know wat am i refering about, i DID NOT FORGET this.

A similiar thing happen to me again just recently... i chose not to tell is coz i do not wan it to be known to all but somehow my friend told another of my friend something that i never wanted any more people to know... IF i wanted him to know i would have told him MYSELF... y are people around me making decision on wat to tell other people about MY things when it is suppose to be me who is making THOSE decision.

There was another incident where a friend is hinting others of an incident and when i approach him telling him wat he did, all i got was "In the end i didn't give out anything." I mean how could i trust this person... he is telling the world that he knows something that other people does not know about and temp others to ask him about it... is this also qualify as keeping a secret? God... i really begin to think that my command of language and their meaning is going down the drain.

Sometimes i wonder whether does my friends know why don't i ever tell them things; sometimes i wonder do they even remember what they promised me? I've always thought that once you promise someone that you are not to tell, u shall bring that knowledge with you to your grave unless you are given permission to tell. Isn't this wat a secret is suppose to be? Am i wrong? Please correct me if i am, so i won't live a stupid and idiotic life again.

Keeping a secret is hard, but that is wat makes you a trustworthy person. A secret is called a secret for a reason and nobody wish to have his/her secret to b known to the world. And if one decide to tell you their secret is because they know that you will keep it to yourself and yourself only.

Staying together

There is a chinese saying that "It;s easier to meet than to stay with each other" to those who have experience the life of staying outside your own home, under a roof that doesn't not belong to you would understand the meaning behind those words. But sometimes the matter is made worse when you are staying with a bunch of your OWN frens.

I'm staying with a few of my friends and ... ... ... well its not easy, its not like if u stay with a bunch of strangers where u can really let out small tantrums and point out things when u are unhappy about something and people tends to understand and try to comply; with friends its kinda hard to tell them upfront "Hey, u got a big problem. Do you know that u ... ... ..." well its just not that simple.

Another thing is that we tend to quarrel a lot... mostly about small petty matters that dun even make senses. It is just us or does this happens to everyone? Sometimes i kinda ency those staying with strangers. At least when they are unhappy with their housemates they can always complain to their friends, but how do u complain to your friends about your housemates when your housemates are their friends too? Hahaha... headache, headache...

But there is a good side to staying with your friends. U can do a lot of crazy stuff coz basically we are from the same background, crazy, idiotic, mad, u name it we "should" have it. Wat i wanna say is that we are in sync in a lot of things so it is easier i guess. Yet again, how do you say no to a friend? Sigh~~ Lost of countless sleepless nights coz i can't say no....

This brought me to another thought, i wonder how about those who stay with their other half? How do you stay with your boyfriend/girlfriend and still maintain a good relationship? I mean wat do you do after both of you quarrel? Where do you go hide and let out your problems? Haha... big question indeed...

Syok~ Climb 20 stories of stairs

*^!%)*$!$
This is my 1st thought when i found out that the lift is dead. Less than a month ago, the other lift was arsoned by some idiot and its out of commission and today after i got back from work and #brum~~ (thunder + lightinng) # its dead

=_=" ... $%)$%!*)%!$^(!$^!$#$&

KANASAI~~~~ If i know who was the idoiot who arsoned the other lift i'll hang him like the Hangman like in the tarot card

I went to the fire escape and climb... 1 stair at the time... 1 landing at a time... 1 floor at the time ... there i look... 5ft floor.... 12th floor, hey i noticed that my building start to change after the 10th floor then again at 16th and again at 19th floor... the building like goes to a cone shape haha... anyway by the time i reached the 20th floor i was relieved but... the fire escape door was locked... again #brum~~ (thunder + lightinng) # i ran down stairs and took the other fire escape up... luckily there are 2 staircase else i would have torn down that stupid door... sigh~~

Well i'm almost spent... its been awhile since i moved my mussles hehehe.... nid to wash my cloths... aihhhhh.... well that's life hahahahaha

Short trip :p

Was asked to be the escort for the nite...
Got acrossed and there i was accompanying thru the night...
Arrived at the hse and had dinner with one of the family....
1st time i was there...
After dinner, it was time to return to my mousy shape.... hahaha cinderella story hahaha

P/S: Yup, i dun think it make sense either but hey its my blog... :p

KL - PG Journey

Well after a hapi holiday back in KL it is time for me to head back to reality again hahaha... is time for me to go back to PG. Bro was suppose to give me a lift down to town to get the bus but ... ... well the roads was jam up and it was hell, i was in the car counting down the minutes as i was looking at my watch... ticking away... damn wat the hell is with the traffic today!!! $!*&$%!&%$)!@*# Only later i remembered wat dad said... there was a rumour of a demostration down in town today and .... well i am stuck in the middle on a tight schedule... ARRRRRRR~~~~~

Bro drop me off Sentul and i was swearing inside. Could i even make it in time for the bus at 11?? I'm still in Sentul at 1035, i reach the LRT platform and there was no train coming ... i was in suspense. At 1040 the train arrives, after boarding i was counting the stop and looking down at my watch to see whether could i make it in time... the feeling is just like when u are watching the series 24 where each minutes is in such suspense.

At approximate 1055 i arrive at Plaza Rakyat near Pudu bus station. I was on the run, i was taking big steps at high frequency, ignoring the constain pain at my injured toe. When i arrive at the station and check at the arrivals... ... ... Yup i was in time, on the dot but (well dunno luckily or unluckily) the bus is no here yet. So there i was, rushing all the way and swearing all the way and arriving here. Well at least i'm here, it is better that i wait for the bus that the bus waiting form and buses dun wait for people hahaha.

The bus was late, and we departed even later. The bus stop at Duta where we are to change to another bus. I got on to the bus where i sat to an auntie by the name of Che Su @ Kak Su. And there i was, sitting next to her and we talked all the wat to Penang. It was the 1st time that i actually spend so long hours talking to a stranger. She did told me that if i wanna sleep i may sleep but i felt that she was kinda lonely and she say that she can't actually sleep on bus so i decided to keep her company. For a 60 year old lady she sure have stamina, we chat on a lot of stuff but usually about people she knows and about her family. I only stop to sleep for about 15-30 mins when she did stop and took a nap. Anyway the bus took a detour and stop at Butterworth where she got down and me... i went back to Penang.

Sometimes i wonder how could i b so kind to others, talking to Kak Su for 4 hrs when i can't even spare or stand 1 hr with my grandpa? Is there something wrong with me? Well talking about this, till now i do feel bad for doing the things i did to my grandpa last time when he was around with us last time... sigh~~ Well no use crying over spilt milk... sorry

Fun reunion

Yesterday was a blast haha... I was suppose to drop by Sony to visit everyone but the "big bro" up there din allow it. The sky was dark and gloomy, this makes my journey impossible since the only transport that is available to me is my ol' bike so we gotta reschedule. The rescheduled location was at 1U, Dave's something. The food was great but the best part is the price hahaa... quite expensive but maybe its just me, the Pizza we ordered was ok, RM37 that is not too expensive then the steaks... well i think the price is still ok... well not my prob i only ordered a cup of drink and share the pizza with all.



Over there, i met a new member of PWB, Jay. Well tis is truely a fuker hahaha... he's can rubbish so much that he rubish so much that he actually fooled around with Ms Ta et al during trial hahaa... damn i like tis guy. They were saying that luckily i left else the whole DTS will crumble and i do second that :p. Over dinner we did a lot of idiotic stuff which made me wonder, is this a proper way to treat a new membe?? and my answer is.. Oh yea~~ Even though i'm no longer an official member of DTS but inofficially i'm still a part of that team so i dun care hehe.. as long as there is a victim i dun mind :p



After dinner we went to McD to further our "discussion" we talk about the stupid things that everyone did during trial and we had some great laughs. We also share some less that happy moments, well basically is them telling me, i only listen. And till now, SMing still can't stand it whenever we talk about Sharon which till today i dun understand why. We continue till about 140 where Wong called "reminding" SMing of the time haha... i guess we did went overboard, chit chatting till so late at nite but still i enjoyed every moment of it. I think i should do this more often... which means i nid to come back more often haha... well IBX is coming in 3 weeks time then its bz, bz and more bz till WW52 which means end of this year... i wonder will i b able to find time to come back sighh~~ well i'll try haha... ciaoz


Well i'll update this post with pictures later hahaa... left my camera at my uncle's place wuakakakaa

Scramble Brain

U know the feeling that u just have too much thing on ur mind that u start to get them mixed up and there are SOooo many things that require u to keep track off? Then the task just keep on adding up like there is no end? Well basically tis is wat i'm feeling lately. KJ n ckin is leaving bringing all their knowledge with them, leaving me all alone equiped oni with some half past six knowledge of something in which i dun even know wat it is.... dem.

Feeling kinda scattered and lost coz of this... i dun even know where i'm going now. I'm the excution owner so i'm suppose to know everything but the fact is... i dun. I have people reporting to me when i'm suppose to be under one's wing, i'm not suppose to flip out my wing and start flapping... i'm suppose to open my wings n let it dry 1st, but some how it feels like i've taken the speed express. KH keep on telling that i'm doin ok but somehow i can't help to feel that he dun quite mean wat he said... ... or maybe i'm just too sensitive. Anyway, tis sux...

Besides work i have other things on my mind, some say men has oni a few things to worry about; work; money; and women. Hahaha.. i wonder which category do i fall under ? Money ?? Women?? hahhahaa.... its a personal issue so i won't talk about it here... anyway its vry much money related i guess.... sigh~

Flash Update

Its Sunday 712pm... and here i am alone in my lair in penang. My housemates are either sleeping or outside somewhere doing something. All the sudden i remembered that its been awhile since i last blog about anything that happen to me in penang. Sometimes i wonder izzit coz i'm tired after work or just that i'm plain lazy? Either way i know its not vry right for me to do its. This blog acts like my diary to all that happen in and around me and the things that goes thru my head each day... I wan it to be something i can look back sometime in the future to remind myself of the person i used to be....

Well since i can't backdate everythign that has happend around me lately i guess the least i could do is to have a summry of the things that happen.

Earlier tis month th FS team had a gathering here in Pg. I heard a lot of stories and had a great time. YF is back from the states and planning for her wedding; fatt seems to be on the move to "catch" himself a friend; chiun might be heading to Sg; FP n HY is both worring about their studies and me ... hahaha i'm still me, the noisy, pesky creature.

And jsut last week, EV had a team building session. And we went to watch Wanted. Well personally i would give it a 8 for action and 6 for its plot but overall i will still give it a most of 7. Its jsut plain stupid. But i do like the bullets that they use in that film haha.. i wonder could i buy 1 :)

And jsut yesterday.. ... we celebrated Jess's bday well her belated bday to be exact. Went for lunch and then .. ... er... we went our seperate ways hahaha... coz we have plans but she is not a part of it. We went to watch Wanted again ... :s i feel like i'm gonna puke~~ It takes a lot of courage to walk in that cinema again watching "that" show again $%^*(!$ but wat to do... sigh~

Overall... i regret for not going back to KL last week. There are so many activities and i dun have my camera around to snap the "happy" moments... I guess i really nid to get another camera so there will b 1 here and there :p hahaa....

Better prepare myself... i'm getting hungry hahaha

Working life

Working life

Sitting here all alone
Wishing to have someone to call my own
Slaving in the ofice through the day
Thinking there is nothing else to do if i'm away

Sometines I wonder ain't life great
Work like a dog yet with a smiling face
Sometimes I wonder at the end of the day
Will my work be my partner when my hair gone grey

I work today I work tomorrow
I work hard so i won't think of my sorrow
What's there in life that's left for me?
Just an empty world for the empty me

From the pages of the Pathetic Poet

How ? How ? How?

How??
Ok or not?
Nid change?
Can handle?
Can follow?
Nid to change ?

This are among the question that i'm recieving recently from my supervisor. How do i find it to my liking? Not good... Shyt... i do not want other's job to hang over the thread line due to wat i say... the pressure is too intense... But on the other hand, if its not going to be a part of the solution, it could only make the problem worse.... ...

To be or not to be... that is the question...

Sigh~ Everyone deserve a second chance, more opportunity should be given, more chances... one can only grow when given the space to spread their wings... but do i have the time to consider so much and give so much room for error ?

Do i ??
Can i??
Should i???

It has been two weeks, i nid to intensify my effort to push, to train, and to teach and at the end of another 2 weeks, i shall decide... if i fail to improve the current condition then, i guess i do nid to change. May god have mercy on us both....

Tiger #Roarrrr#

Tiger or Panthera tigris is a mammal and one of the 4 "big cats" from the cat family. Nope, i'm not blogging about a documentary about tiger today but i am going to talk about tiger in today's post hahaha. Now... ... how should i begin my tiger story ... ... Ok here goes...

The thing is this, since uni its been hard for us (my coursemates and i ) to escape this tiger thingy. This is because we had a lecturer who basically "followed" us thru our uni years and that is no other than Tiger Lo. Well it is kinda bad for us to call him tiger but there is a reason behind this. His paper is the hardest paper throughout our whole uni life and it is also his paper who score the highest casulties in 4 out of our 5 semesters with him, minus the last one where Dr N actually over take him by 5 more students. And this is my 1st experience with Tiger... ...

My 2nd encounter with Tiger was during my internship, where one of my senior, out of the blue started calling me tiger... ... swt... ... =_= ??? But back then he was too called tiger but its white tiger hahaha... anyway even till i left i never actually found out why i was called tiger... so the mystery continues.

Next is at work... I got caught up with a project and guess what... its called tiger too hahaha... well in Sony i was involved in a project called tiger and that was the worse time of my life there in Sony. Due the all the last minute changes, my colleagues and i often OT till that we need to come back to work on sat and sun. And besides EX1, Tiger is the worse thing that could ever happen to me in Sony .... ....

And now... ... i've left Sony in hope to move to a new environment, in a new place, doing a new scope from a new field and guess what... ... oh yea... ... there is another project coming soon and it too bear the Tiger name ahhaah... ain't life grand.... and ooh... did i mention, i have regained my name as tiger because i'm now back in the same dept as i did my internship 2 and a half years ago... ...

So i'm wondering... why tiger?? Y do i keep bumping into it even after so many changes i made in life? Haha... hopefully i won't get a tigress in my life, else.... .... ... .. well... that is to be continued... ahhahaha... that's all for my tiger story.. nitz

Farewel dinner ... waaay~ back post

Hehe... well its been loooong now but its always better late than never right? :p. This actually happen on 7th of May which was my 2nd last day in Sony... Some of my closer colleagues plan to have a farewel dinner wif me.

We went to nearby place for dinner and ... ... ... well it din came out good initally. The waiter accidently spilled a drink on my colleague and ... well that surelly affected my mood a little. Anyway i should let that spoild my precious moment, at least they din let it happen. Well it was actually a casual dinner so nothing much to talk about... just that it was my 1st farewell dinner and ... ... i wanna remember it ...

So some of the more precious moments.

What did i do ?? =_="

Oh well... X_X

Can't even escape the ladies...

But overall... they are my closest colleagues in Sony and it was their presence that really made it difficult for me to leave. All my time there, it was their faces and voices that made me looking forward to going to work ... thanks guys (n ladies) :)

My precious colleagues

L-R (Stand): MunYee, Lee, Wong, Darren
L-R(Sit): SMing, HunYee, Me, Chris

Last email

Resigning is not easy to do,
It’s harder to leave after feelings grew,
Time and again I’ve seen people leave,
But never thought it would happen to me.

IE is where I stay,
For all 50 weeks of my Sony days,
SST calculation effect my gaze,
Wire dress my trouble away.

There are people whom I’ll really miss,
The trial “twins” are among in the list,
In my time here, we’re a team,
Working together, chasing our dream.

My time here has been a joy,
Even sometimes being treated like a toy,
Nevertheless it’s been fun,
Down to the final moment when I run.

Till the day we met again,
Rejoicing memories of all my friends,
But our fun time sure flew by,
Now is high time to say goodbye.

Attached my email and contact to you,
Please remember me n dun be cruel,
Drop me a line or do email me,
A friend like me is hard NOT to miss.

Yup, just wanna share out something that i think i'll treasure for quite some time.. tis is actually the last email that i send out b4 i left sony about 2 weeks back. And for all that it worth, i actually got lectured by my manger for sending out tis mail. It has been kinda a tradition for those leaving to send out an email to all to say their goodbyes but somehow i got a good scrubbing by my boss... sigh, well nvm... coz he's no longer my boss and anyway,

So what? Wuakakaka.. just that come to think of it, i still do miss my colleagues back there, that's all.

Legacy ...

I've always wondered why it is called legacy and till today i still dunno y its called legacy but i do know this... legacy is old... and according to wikipedia

A legacy system is an old computer system or application program that continues to be used because the user (typically an organization) does not want to replace or redesign it.

Or in my context

A legacy port is a port or connector on a PC that is considered fully or partially obsolete.

Oh yea... that's legacy, all the grandfather interfaces that we once knew are all lumped up under the legacy umbrella. So i came up with another explaination of legacy

Legacy is like a form of cancer, it just keeps on growing; and what that doesn't grow, it either gets replaced or it gets phased out i.e. its dead.

and like it or not, i just have to learn to like it coz tat's wat i'll be doing. Well i din sign up for this but i guess i just have to learn to take it, and if i'm able to master all the Legacy interfaces then it would be hell of an exposure and experience coz Legacy ain't easy

I'm counting down the days until KJ leaves me to the sharks i just hope that he'll b able to pass down all that he knows to me b4 disappearing. I just dunno how would i, could i hold the fort tis time. Its just all to new to me. Sigh~~

Well its either i master all there is to be mastered in Legacy and be a part of it; or i'll be turned into Legacy myself. Hahaha.... help me~~

1st week in Rocketland

Tick tock... tick tock... tick tock...

Sun rise, sun set... sun rise, sun set...

Its been a week since i left KL and stayed in Penang... Wif a bunch of ppl i called friends and trust me... wif friends like them, u TOTALLY do NOT nid enemies.

Well tis is for real... no longer like last time where we were still students, can go goof around like nobody's business; and now... everyone is bz wif their work... most of the time i will be the 1st to b home. Well i shouldn't say things like tis coz for now i might be still free but later ... ... well i might be as busy as everyone else.

Penang has not changed much since my last visit, but i do noticed dat its damn hot recently. Its been a week since it last rained and the weather is just too much. Oh where has the rain gone to??? When will it come?? But hopefully when it rains it doesn't pours... just normal rain would b the best.

Well tmr marks the 2nd week of my stay in penang and my 2nd week at work. The real deal starts now. When the going gets tough, i must get going... Lets make my new job here a meaningful one....

MIssing

On way way back to KL i went into Ipoh to find Lee to settle something and b4 dat i was in office chatting wif SMing. From both of them i know dat me leaving office has some effect on them and ... ... well ... i cant help but to feel sorry for them.

Since i've left, Lee n VT nid to take care of the entire line during Trial and even so, there aren't enuf man power to do everything. They nid to work additional hr and i seriously mean additional hrs; sometimes till 9 or 10pm.

And as for SMing... well there is no longer tis someone to accompany her to canteen or to the minimart during break time and no longer have some ppl to entertain her when she is bored.

Overall, thinking about them makes me feel bad for leaving but i know dat its oni a state they will go through and it'll pass BUT at the same time i miss my time back at Sony. I like my colleagues here, coz i was an intern here so i do know all most of the members here but i oso love my colleages back there... sigh~~

I'll grow out of this moody feeling soon... i nid to put 110% on my new ownership in my new work... GAMBATE~~~!!!

My days in INTegrated ELectronics

Haha... today marks my 1st week in the company, well to be exact i should say my 2nd day at work coz i spend the first 3 days in orientation. BUT i'm starting to feel the stress... maybe its more of a self induced but nevertheless, its here (the stress i mean), KH din give face when he spelled out his expection towards me and the expection, well its not vry low... brr... scary

Legacy is like cancer, it oni knows to keep on growing. Adding newer, or should i say, more interfaces to it with each newer release of technology.

But 1 thing to say about the tis place, the company has change a lot, and its really showing a lot of love towards its employees ensuring they r hapi. First free coffee now free softdrink too haha well i hope tis is a good choice for me, pressure let it come and let it be, i'll survive... Well it my career choice and i'll stick by it.

Oh.. wait~ I forget to mention that i got a cubical too haha, and to my suprise i got the one and only MeiGie's cube. Well its kinda a downfall dat i'm unable to see her b4 she resigned... sigh~~ but nvm i think there will b a chance sometime in the future

Edited: 20080518_0632PM

Final weeks in KayL

U heard of the expression "Time flies when having fun" Well it really felt really true for me for a week ago...

After staying in KL for majority of my time, i've made a decision to leave KL to find a, hopefully, a newer career and maybe future. And after spending so much of my time there there are just too many ppl whom i'll really miss and thus many farewells; of which some are vry meaningful if not emotional ones... There were some from my colleagues, my friends, and not forgetting the ladies . Well its those small things that really make u miss them even more.

1st farewell for me was wif Chiun and all. Althought there arent much emo stuff but i really appreciate them making time for me, i mean they are really bz wif their work but they find the time to out dinner wif me...

Next was wif the ladies. Well i actually had 2 sessions wif them and both were ... ... meaningful hahaha. We went to winter warmners for tea n a lot of chit chatting and later went to have dinner.

Another Ouch pic

For me O.o??

Over dinner i was asked to give a small sharing of my inner feelings and i was like... er... wtf?? But they actually started it 1st. It was through them that i actually have a special place in them. All of them were saying how i actually left them wif a vry good impression. And it all begin wif their 1st day reporting themselves to uni. It was my presence during the rollcall, giving my welcoming speeh which lead them to have a turn around on uni life. Flo was saying it was me who relieved her of her fear of surviving in a non-english speaking environment. Liz was saying that it was me who influenced her into joining the orientation committee while SC was saying she really look up to me coz i was vry confident in speaking to everyone on stage. But the most important thing that they actually said is how succesful i was in mixing n integrating myself wif them all and all other juniors of my time. I was a senior they could look up to and say, "this is a good university senior" and that was the most touching thing that i've ever heard throughout my uni years. Ladies, if any of u are reading... thx for the vote of confidence. They even bought me a present as my farewel gift.

Gift from them to me

... oops look at the time.. i guess i'll continue on my dinner wif my colleagues next time... spend too much time reading my work stuff dat forgot to continue bloggin... cont next then

New enviroment, new place, new scope... ... a new chapter of a new begining

Yup... new enviroment, new job scope in a new place... all i could say is a new begining for me. After spending approx of a year in Sony i've decided to make a career change for myself and my scope? Consume electronics to semicon a totally new scope for me (well not 100% but still relatively new) and today... today is my 1st day reporting to work.

BUT today the whole day i was in the orientation programme... and the programme... is 3 days... full 3 days... ... ... the best part is that i've previously attend the orientation programme so its kinda the same thing to me all over again, its like a refreshier course hahah ... sien

Well basically there aren't much for me to say today coz... ... nothing has happen yet unlike the prevous weeks was a total blast... i must find time to back (b)log all those stuff so i can immortalize them b4 i forget haha... anyway time to call in for the nite...

Welcome a new begining for a new chapter in a new place for me. =)